Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was told go get a switch and if its too little im going to get it myself and trust me you wont like it.
I got aa big size switch. (FWIW I only had that happen once I was a good kid after that )
I would have just ran out the door and down the street. Look from what i have seen neither spanking nor time outs trump each other. In the end you often have to do them over and over and over and over and over and over and over again with kids to get results. As someone said before about her son "I smacked him hard on the butt when he sassed me, and not every time he sasses me i just tell ask him if he wants a spanking and he knows to stop". But in the end her son obviously didn't learn because he was continuing the action.
I wasn't really referring to the person who got an occasional swat every blue moon. I'm talking about all these people who were hit with belts or switches or just hit on a regular basis, and are okay with it.
Sorry, I reread what you wrote, and I get what you were saying. I've heard that too, people saying "I'm glad I got my ass beat, it kept me out of jail," or something like that. That kind of thinking is what keeps that behavior going on into the next generation, the ones who feel that kind of punishment is necessary to "save" their kids.
My mom was whipped with belts, extension cords, switches. She never harbored any anger, fear, or resentment for my grandparents for this, in fact, she loved them both very much. However, she knew that they did what they did because it's what THEY felt was right, and she knew better. She knew she didn't want to raise us that way, and while we were spanked, we were never beaten like that. I think that makes the difference, not necessarily being greatful for being beaten, but being able to look back and see that something your parents did isn't the best thing for your own children.
I would have just ran out the door and down the street. Look from what i have seen neither spanking nor time outs trump each other. In the end you often have to do them over and over and over and over and over and over and over again with kids to get results. As someone said before about her son "I smacked him hard on the butt when he sassed me, and not every time he sasses me i just tell ask him if he wants a spanking and he knows to stop". But in the end her son obviously didn't learn because he was continuing the action.
Spanking doesn't really work:
It changes the focus from the child's actions to the punishment itself, which
interferes with the lesson.
One reason why almost everyone overestimates the effectiveness of
spanking is that we have “selective inattention.” We simply do not remember when spanking fails, as it does most of the time, because it contradicts what we want to believe. Partly this is because our culture believes spanking is “normal” and partly because many of us were spanked as children. It is difficult for us as adults to relate our adult problems to childhood spanking or to condemn our parents.
Spanking often creates three kinds of reactions in children. How much of each it creates will depend on the personality of your child.
It may produce a passive and obedient person who obeys all authority without regard to any internal moral and ethical standard.
It may produce a rebel without a cause who disobeys all authority because s/he hates to be controlled and will not give in to it.
It may produce a person who believes that anything goes as long as s/he doesn't get caught.
Some children will go back and forth between two of these positions depending upon how harsh the punishment is and/or how often the punishment is used on them.
Note that time outs are not the only alternative to spanking and used incorrectly, these are ineffective as well. Used, however, as a way for children to calm themselves when their emotions overtake them, they are a good idea.
Other strategies include positive and proactive parenting. If you must use punishments, often taking away a privilege or grounding can be helpful. Talking to children about their behavior (not lecturing, but explaining) can also help. The point is that no parent has to use a single strategy and using one as ineffective as spanking is probably not a good idea. Nor is using only time outs.
Sorry, I reread what you wrote, and I get what you were saying. I've heard that too, people saying "I'm glad I got my ass beat, it kept me out of jail," or something like that. That kind of thinking is what keeps that behavior going on into the next generation, the ones who feel that kind of punishment is necessary to "save" their kids.
My mom was whipped with belts, extension cords, switches. She never harbored any anger, fear, or resentment for my grandparents for this, in fact, she loved them both very much. However, she knew that they did what they did because it's what THEY felt was right, and she knew better. She knew she didn't want to raise us that way, and while we were spanked, we were never beaten like that. I think that makes the difference, not necessarily being greatful for being beaten, but being able to look back and see that something your parents did isn't the best thing for your own children.
I admire people like your mom who make a decision to do things differently than was done to them. I object to people who just blindly do what their parents did without questioning it.
that's a possibility, but that would probably have of made her even madder, and maybe i would have gotten more than some ivory soap in my mouth....just sayin......
So smart was probably, ugh, let her put the soap in, spit it out and call it a day...at least it isn't going to hurt.
You know the mothers favorite line, i'm gonna wash your mouth out with soap...
I seriously doubt she was about to give me a 'time out" moment. That is actually laughable.......................
Spanking often creates three kinds of reactions in children. How much of each it creates will depend on the personality of your child.
It may produce a passive and obedient person who obeys all authority without regard to any internal moral and ethical standard.
It may produce a rebel without a cause who disobeys all authority because s/he hates to be controlled and will not give in to it.
It may produce a person who believes that anything goes as long as s/he doesn't get caught.
Some children will go back and forth between two of these positions depending upon how harsh the punishment is and/or how often the punishment is used on them.
Note that time outs are not the only alternative to spanking and used incorrectly, these are ineffective as well. Used, however, as a way for children to calm themselves when their emotions overtake them, they are a good idea.
Other strategies include positive and proactive parenting. If you must use punishments, often taking away a privilege or grounding can be helpful. Talking to children about their behavior (not lecturing, but explaining) can also help. The point is that no parent has to use a single strategy and using one as ineffective as spanking is probably not a good idea. Nor is using only time outs.
Bingo. Must be the front row. But positive and proactive parenting does not have to equate to separating the child from the consequences of their actions which is a mistake that I think some folk make. To be a positive parent does not mean that kids shall never suffer upset or be shielded from consequence.
He's a regular member of our forum and has raised three sons to adulthood.
Yes and in this thread he's being a troll. He's trying to rile people up on purpose , just because they dont see his single minded view.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
)
