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Why didn't you do it 20 years ago? you have missed the boat and your chance, deal with it. Not healthy to raise a child at your age and under these circumstances.
What if you just plain don't like her after a while? After she's visited or brought the child to you or whatever she changes to some degree and you just don't like her, don't want to be around her, find she's not who you thought she was? People fall in love and then find out they don't like each other and fall out...and now you have a child together, you're legally bound together, and you're emotionally bound to a common cause for the rest of your life...
I think you will find out you don't like this woman because she will be exactly what you thought she was in the back of your mind....a gold-digging, opportunistic b**** who saw a free ride on your nickel. I'd also agree with Zentropa - what if Baby Momma decides to fall in love with someone else and remove the child to the other side of the planet? What if Baby Momma doesn't like you after a while and trashes you to a young child?
If you are all that you say you are, there are plenty of 30+ year old women out there looking for Baby Daddy/Sugar Daddy/Mr. Right who will accommodate you - you aren't looking in the right places or something. Since marriage isn't a deal breaker, why don't you try just legitimizing the whole thing? I can't see where you're any worse off - prenup, a roll in the hay, and you should be good to go.
C'mon - you gotta have a better plan than this one - you're gonna attract every nutball in the universe with an ad like that - and deservedly so.
What if you just plain don't like her after a while? After she's visited or brought the child to you or whatever she changes to some degree and you just don't like her, don't want to be around her, find she's not who you thought she was? People fall in love and then find out they don't like each other and fall out...and now you have a child together, you're legally bound together, and you're emotionally bound to a common cause for the rest of your life...
I think you will find out you don't like this woman because she will be exactly what you thought she was in the back of your mind....a gold-digging, opportunistic b**** who saw a free ride on your nickel. I'd also agree with Zentropa - what if Baby Momma decides to fall in love with someone else and remove the child to the other side of the planet? What if Baby Momma doesn't like you after a while and trashes you to a young child?
If you are all that you say you are, there are plenty of 30+ year old women out there looking for Baby Daddy/Sugar Daddy/Mr. Right who will accommodate you - you aren't looking in the right places or something. Since marriage isn't a deal breaker, why don't you try just legitimizing the whole thing? I can't see where you're any worse off - prenup, a roll in the hay, and you should be good to go.
C'mon - you gotta have a better plan than this one - you're gonna attract every nutball in the universe with an ad like that - and deservedly so.
I don't get why everyone is so hostile about this. Women choose to do this stuff all the time but of course it's a lot easier for them and they don't even have to include the father unless they want to. And then people are always doing stupid stuff and having babies accidentally, so why get irritated when a man who badly wants a child makes a plan to have one? It's not like he's lying to anyone. If you want to accuse someone of looking for a breeder then I give you all permission to call my gay ex who lied to me all those years. Besides that, are women the only ones allowed to be "liberated" from societal expectations these days? As for his age? Grandparents raise their grandchildren all the time.
To the OP: I foresee the biggest hurdle that you have as what zentropa said--the woman will probably fall in love at some point and get married, so I think your best plan is to try to marry the woman yourself and your best bet for that would be one of those dating sites aimed at people who are looking for marriage--I think I heard of one called Find a husband find a wife - serious relationship dating! or something like that. Of course you two could get divorced anyway and you'd be right back to that, so you should probably just plan for that eventuality or raise the child yourself as much as possible.
50 YO divorced attorney seeks 25-35 YO college educated woman to share the experience of having and raising a child without marriage. I will pay any outstanding and future student loan debt, tuition and books through graduate school (PhD, MBA, MD), child support payments to you regardless of custodial arrangements (even if child lives with me for months/years), and pay your visitation travel expenses as needed. I am also willing to fully assume the responsibility of caring and raising our child while you are engaged in other independent activities, such as completing undergraduate/graduate coursework, studying abroad, working out-of-state, dating, and any arrangements necessary to accommodate your future marital plans to someone else. You will also always have a room in my house to visit/live for as long as you need, and the extent of our relationship will be a friendship and parents to our child.
I am emotionally and financially stable, consider myself attractive and fit, highly educated, well traveled, christian (but not fanatical), clean background (no abuse/criminal history--I'm a prior prosecutor; security clearance; excellent credit, etc), and previously married to an attractive woman 20 years younger than me and my marriage ended essentially because I was ready to have children and she was not.
So I still want the experience of having and raising a son or daughter (without adoption, in vitro, surrogacy, etc) but have concluded that I don't have to be married to the mother of my child so long as we have a great supportive friendship, raise our child in a loving arrangement, and our son or daughter has educated and caring parents.
Haha...is this for real? Hello train wreck and STD's. The type of women you would attract with this add will probably have some serious mental issues and HIV to boot.
I don't get why everyone is so hostile about this. Women choose to do this stuff all the time but of course it's a lot easier for them and they don't even have to include the father unless they want to. And then people are always doing stupid stuff and having babies accidentally, so why get irritated when a man who badly wants a child makes a plan to have one? It's not like he's lying to anyone. If you want to accuse someone of looking for a breeder then I give you all permission to call my gay ex who lied to me all those years. Besides that, are women the only ones allowed to be "liberated" from societal expectations these days? As for his age? Grandparents raise their grandchildren all the time.
To the OP: I foresee the biggest hurdle that you have as what zentropa said--the woman will probably fall in love at some point and get married, so I think your best plan is to try to marry the woman yourself and your best bet for that would be one of those dating sites aimed at people who are looking for marriage--I think I heard of one called Find a husband find a wife - serious relationship dating! or something like that. Of course you two could get divorced anyway and you'd be right back to that, so you should probably just plan for that eventuality or raise the child yourself as much as possible.
How "badly" can he want one if he comes up with this scheme at 50 !! where the heck has he been? sounds like a passing fancy to me- get a dog and a pet sitter because the dog deserves better.
Yes, I get it there will be women who don't find this "attractive", but it's not about attraction, it's about having child with a women of child bearing age. Sorry if it offends you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dadtobe
I welcome supportive comments and constructive thoughts, but please spare your judgment and cynicism since I have good intentions and motives.
Sorry if it offends you but while you are of child bearing age as you're a man you're past your optimal child reproducing years as most likely your sperm is of far inferior quality and quantity than when you were much younger.
Older men having children has increased certain disorders in children for my country so if a woman in that age range wanted a child she'd probably be best suited to go within her age range to get the best sperm in quantity and quality available. As well as a guy within her age range may be far more likely to still be around to see the child past adulthood.
Have you had a fertility test done to see your quality/quantity levels? As a man you can bear a child however whether that child will be healthy is a toss up as sperm lessens in quality and becomes increasingly defective with age.
While the health of the child comes into play due to your sperm quality/quantity there's also the factor of how your health will play into raising the child. How is your health do you think you'd live to see the child to be 25 or 30 or is the plan 18 and out?
You realize that there is a third person involved in this business arrangement ... the child.
I agree that you should just get a pet. How will this person you will be creating feel about his/her life when they find out the parents just fulfilled a contract to make someone to carry on your name or whatever it is you want to preserve?
And you can't come on a public forum and insist on reading only the "atta boy" responses. For the record, I think this is a selfish idea and not what parenting is about.
I don't get why everyone is so hostile about this.
Different definitions.
I don't seeing everyone being so hostile.
I do see some disbelief at what type of wo/men would want such a scenario.
I do see some offering advice, warnings, or being supportive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
Women choose to do this stuff all the time but of course it's a lot easier for them and they don't even have to include the father unless they want to.
Different experiences.
I haven't seen women make an arrangement to have a guy bear with them a child all the time without romantic interest just to have a child.
I have seen women procure a child without the plans to involve the father or any father in the child's life- sperm bank, fwb without condom, one night stands without condom, adoption, in vitro, surrogacy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
Besides that, are women the only ones allowed to be "liberated" from societal expectations these days?
What does liberation from societal expectations have to do with detailing a non romantic arrangement to have the experience of raising a child? Or is this related to some agenda about women's liberation and etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
As for his age? Grandparents raise their grandchildren all the time.
To me there's a difference between grandparents raise their grandchildren and older people having children. Optimal reproduction years and fertility related disorders come into play with the latter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
To the OP: I foresee the biggest hurdle that you have as what zentropa said--the woman will probably fall in love at some point and get married,
I don't think the OP has an issue with the woman falling in love and getting married as the OP stated:
Quote:
Originally Posted by dadtobe
I am also willing to fully assume the responsibility of caring and raising our child while you are engaged in other independent activities, such as completing undergraduate/graduate coursework, studying abroad, working out-of-state, dating, and any arrangements necessary to accommodate your future marital plans to someone else.
When my dad was in his early 50s, he placed a personal ad looking for someone younger. He got bombarded with 18-21 year old replies. Some were very attractive. Most wanted children (he did not). His ad wasn't proposing a business arrangement though he had lots of money, which is what those girls were after.
Give internet sites a chance... you might find someone REAL to have a family with vs a business arrangment.
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