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Just that it is the only thing she does, it is only 1x a week, their daughter enjoys it, so it just seems that to ask her to sacrifice it , seems weird.. Why can't dad sacrifie one of his bowling leagues or why can't mom sacrifice one her weekend get-away crop weekends?
That to me is balance, not mom & dad do everything they want to do AND take vacations w/out the kids, and their daughter gives up her 1 activity ( regardless that it is year round, it is 1x a week, she doesn't do shows) and their son plays parks & rec basketball in the Winter at the local Y....
I agree, kids don't need to be playing/doing a ton of different things.... But mom & dad should be fiving something up-in my opinion.
So. What.
Maybe they are. Or maybe the daughter's was the most expensive. Or maybe the bowling league was paid for ahead of time. Or maybe dad is committed to a bowling team and doesn't want to flake on them...
Just that it is the only thing she does, it is only 1x a week, their daughter enjoys it, so it just seems that to ask her to sacrifice it , seems weird.. Why can't dad sacrifie one of his bowling leagues or why can't mom sacrifice one her weekend get-away crop weekends?
That to me is balance, not mom & dad do everything they want to do AND take vacations w/out the kids, and their daughter gives up her 1 activity ( regardless that it is year round, it is 1x a week, she doesn't do shows) and their son plays parks & rec basketball in the Winter at the local Y....
I agree, kids don't need to be playing/doing a ton of different things.... But mom & dad should be fiving something up-in my opinion.
Really, I think you just need to stop worrying about it. If the kids were hungry, or wearing rags or obviously in need, it might be your business. But as it is, it sounds like they just have a different child-raising philosophy than you do. It's possible that they're selfish jerks, or it's possible that they are teaching their kids that if you work hard, you are rewarded by getting to do things you want to do. In any case, it doesn't sound like they are doing the kids any harm.
I know this is the parenting forum and a perfect place to discuss this type of thing, but it almost sounds like you are seeking validation for the choices you have made as a parent. If that's so, Congratulations! You're doing a good job! But there are many ways to be a good parent and you may just need to MYOB on this one.
Really, I think you just need to stop worrying about it. If the kids were hungry, or wearing rags or obviously in need, it might be your business. But as it is, it sounds like they just have a different child-raising philosophy than you do. It's possible that they're selfish jerks, or it's possible that they are teaching their kids that if you work hard, you are rewarded by getting to do things you want to do. In any case, it doesn't sound like they are doing the kids any harm.
I know this is the parenting forum and a perfect place to discuss this type of thing, but it almost sounds like you are seeking validation for the choices you have made as a parent. If that's so, Congratulations! You're doing a good job! But there are many ways to be a good parent and you may just need to MYOB on this one.
Wow! My goodness, you are so off base here.
I understand everyone makes different choices & I truly do not personally care what they do, but yes, this is the parenting forum and people discuss different things here.
I was part of the conversation where my friend said they have their daughter give up her riding lessons in the Summer because it is the hardest months for them financially... Then in the same breath, she talked about going on a 5 day vacay sans/their kids and to all of us standing there, it sounded funny...
Actually, one of the other woman even made a sarcastic comment about it right there...
I am in no way looking for any validation for anything.
I am not saying the way I feel is wrong or right, nor am I saying anyone else is wrong or right. TO ME ( and people have their opinions All Over these boards, let's remember) it sounds selfish. TO.ME.
Maybe not to you or the many others that have expressed their opinions and that is fine.
The conversation made me think, that's it.
Well, if this is the way it goes down - as a parent, I would rather sacrifice rather than ask my child to sacrifice. I know parents whose kid NEVER went to the beach - yet they did year after year, without him. Even then, I thought it was selfish of them and wrong. Certainly did not help the marriage in that case ~ or the kid, for that matter, as it turned out.
If it is just because the Mom wants to sleep in - or the parents want to pay for their bowling league, whatever - then I don't think that's a great reason either.
But that's just me and my opinion. Many parents do without so their kids can have and do.
Most of us probably learn from our own parents -- my parents were like that, they didn't ask us to sacrifice while they lived it up, in fact I look back on how much they did for us --- of course at the time, I didn't really know anything different. I would and do sacrifice all the time for my kids. Most things we have and do are as a family. Whatever I buy is pretty much with everyone in mind.
I can't really imagine if a child of mine really loved something that I would have them give it up so I could have fun instead of the child.
I was kind of shocked the other day when a friend said they " made their daughter give up her horseback lessons for the Summer, because they are the hardest months financiially for them".
Then, 5 min. Later, they were talking about all he things they had done during the summer, which included a 5 day vacation to Chicago? ( sans kids).
She is a teacher , so she doesn't get paid for the Summer, so they lack her income during the Summer, I understand watching the finances, of course.
To make your child give up something they enjoy for their own benefit though, just seems a bit selfish to me.
We have never taken a vacation ( not even a wknd away) w/out our children and I certainly would never ask my children to give up something they enjoy, so that I could do something I wanted.....
She CHOOSES not to get paid over the summer, teachers have a choice to be paid all year long or just through the school year.
Each family has their own priorities and if those choose to drop activities and go on vacation without their children that is their choice. Perhaps without being in the family and living in their home you don't really know all the details, only the ones she has shared and what you think you see/hear.
Most of us probably learn from our own parents -- my parents were like that, they didn't ask us to sacrifice while they lived it up, in fact I look back on how much they did for us --- of course at the time, I didn't really know anything different. I would and do sacrifice all the time for my kids. Most things we have and do are as a family. Whatever I buy is pretty much with everyone in mind.
I can't really imagine if a child of mine really loved something that I would have them give it up so I could have fun instead of the child.
We all learn from our parents. Sometimes we learn what to do. Sometimes we learn what not to do. Hopefully we don't overcompensate for something we thought was lacking in our childhood.
To make your child give up something they enjoy for their own benefit though, just seems a bit selfish to me.
And you don't think the daughter would be selfish NOT giving up the lessons for the summer? Is she the most important person in the family? Is that the message the parents want to give her? That nobody matters except the daughter?
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYMD67
We have never taken a vacation ( not even a wknd away) w/out our children and I certainly would never ask my children to give up something they enjoy, so that I could do something I wanted.....
Kids who grow up never having to give end up painfully selfish and not pleasant people to be around.
Most of us probably learn from our own parents -- my parents were like that, they didn't ask us to sacrifice while they lived it up, in fact I look back on how much they did for us --- of course at the time, I didn't really know anything different. I would and do sacrifice all the time for my kids. Most things we have and do are as a family. Whatever I buy is pretty much with everyone in mind.
I can't really imagine if a child of mine really loved something that I would have them give it up so I could have fun instead of the child.
And you don't think the daughter would be selfish NOT giving up the lessons for the summer? Is she the most important person in the family? Is that the message the parents want to give her? That nobody matters except the daughter?
Kids who grow up never having to give end up painfully selfish and not pleasant people to be around.
My children are not allowed to do whatever they want , they are limited to how many activities they are permitted to do and are far from selfish.
Again, this is an open forum and everyone is entitled to their opinions.
No, I don't feel that the daughter who does ONE activity would be being selfish if she did not give it up. Quite frankly, she doesn't have a choice, does she? Her parents are the ones who have to take her there & pay for the lessons. She's 10 years old. Her parents made that decision for her and I do know the daughter was upset, of course I have no idea what the conversation was with her, I wasn't there and obviously, their daughter is still alive & it's not the end of her world...
.......all he things they had done during the summer, which included a 5 day vacation to Chicago? ( sans kids).
.
I'm still not sure why you are so concerned about what someone else does. But....
For all you know Mom and Dad took that little vacay so they could rest and relax and return home as better parents. Not every dime has to be spent on riding lessons for Brooke. Sometimes those dimes should and need to be spent on Mom and Dad who are working hard and slowly going nuts because they have jobs, and are in the car pool, are keeping food on the table, are dealing with Brooke's hormones and the bills for the riding lessons and her clothes. The boss yelled at Dad again and he's getting an ulcer and he hasn't had a vacation in two years and Mom loves her husband and doesn't want to see him collapse under the pressure and she said, "We need to have a break!"
I see absolutely nothing wrong with Mom and Dad having a few days to themselves where they can relax and *shocker alert* have a little fun, and where Brooke isn't along to whine about having to have a new saddle blanket because the old one is, well, old. If they're smart they'll have a lot of wild sex.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 08-28-2012 at 08:17 AM..
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