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Oh, and 86 is still average, it is within one standard deviation of the mean. I know your other children may be higher but she is right there in the "average" range.
BTW, I don't know if you saw the raw scores, but if she is anxious, she may have lost quite a few points for computation time. Anxious test takers usually take quite a bit more time than those who are more relaxed.
This.
I was also adopted as an infant & "performance anxiety" is something I struggled with growing up from time to time. I did compare myself to my brother who was declared a genius from a very young age.
I definitely became an anxious test-taker (but a very hard worker, far more studious than my brother, & very social). In college I was diagnosed with ADHD & found when I was able to take tests alone in a quiet room, without any time restraints, I suddenly excelled at exams. There was no need for medication, just the alleviation of pressure.
Have you considered that your daughter may experience more anxiety to compare/live up to her siblings because she is adopted?
I would find a way to celebrate her as an individual, but keep in mind that she is old enough to be aware that her IQ sets her apart from her siblings, which in turn could make her feel more pressure academically.
Also, something else to be aware of...
At 10 she could already be internalizing messages from peers that Asians are "supposed to be smart." Lots of Asian-Americans have said how that has impacted their self-esteem when they didn't fit the stereotype. Maybe you could talk to her about some of these things. Best of luck to you, no kudzu.
Last edited by thethreefoldme; 02-12-2013 at 08:46 AM..
Have you considered that your daughter may experience more anxiety to compare/live up to her siblings because she is adopted?
I would find a way to celebrate her as an individual, but keep in mind that she is old enough to be aware that her IQ sets her apart from her siblings, which in turn could make her feel more pressure academically.
Also, something else to be aware of...
At 10 she could already be internalizing messages from peers that Asians are "supposed to be smart." This obviously can impact someone's self-esteem when they don't believe they can fit that stereotype. Maybe you could talk to her about some of these things. Best of luck to you, no kudzu.
Out of 4 children 3 are adopted from Asian countries so I don't think this is the case. And my biological child was way out of the home (college) when we got the two younger ones. And I will never tell her the IQ score. That is wrong, especially at this age.
Also we live in a university town with oodles of other Asian people and she is definitely not an anomaly in her school. But I will certainly look more carefully to see if she is picking up on any of this perceived bias, even if it is considered positive. Thank you for your comments.
Out of 4 children 3 are adopted from Asian countries so I don't think this is the case. And my biological child was way out of the home (college) when we got the two younger ones. And I will never tell her the IQ score. That is wrong, especially at this age.
But she is not biologically related to them, right? Sorry if I assumed wrong.
My brother was adopted from the same country I was, yet we were not biologically related. I think any child (adopted or not) compares themselves to their siblings, but for me being adopted added to the pressure I felt by the comparison. I worried more about making up for things that did not come naturally to me.
Not saying any of your children are experiencing this, but it is always possible.
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Also we live in a university town with oodles of other Asian people and she is definitely not an anomaly in her school. But I will certainly look more carefully to see if she is picking up on any of this perceived bias, even if it is considered positive. Thank you for your comments.
Yeah, I don't think it is being an anomaly that would be the problem, then. It is internalizing the US stereotypes about Asians that I would be concerned about. Many ten year olds watch shows like South Park. I would be very surprised if your kids at the age of ten haven't heard comments like, "You're Asian, aren't you supposed to be smart?" or worse.
Last edited by thethreefoldme; 02-12-2013 at 09:06 AM..
nobody in this family has ever seen South Park so I can't relate to what you are saying ad yes I would be surprised if my kids ever heard that at school.
I didn't mean to suggest your daughter watches TV shows like that, NK, but her peers most likely do. Why would you be surprised if your daughter heard comments like that?
According to my relatives (who are Filipino), it's very common to hear comments like that at school while growing up & internalizing those sort of stereotypes can add excess pressure.
For a child who has shown signs of anxiety from a young age, excess pressure is something you will want to help her cope with. If she can learn to manage her anxieties, her test scores/learning ability could greatly improve!
I didn't mean to suggest your daughter watches TV shows like that, NK, but her peers most likely do. Why would you be surprised if your daughter heard comments like that? According to my relatives (who are Filipino), it's very common to hear comments like that at school while growing up & internalizing those sort of stereotypes can add excess pressure.
For a child who has shown signs of anxiety from a young age, excess pressure is something you will want to help her cope with. If she can learn to manage her anxieties, her test scores/learning ability could greatly improve!
Doubtful that many kids around the age NK's daughter watch South Park and if they do, I question the judgment of the parents. South Park doesn't seem to be a popular around here, just asked my 13 year old daughter and she has never heard of it. Same with my son. Maybe it is common viewing amongst 10 year olds in other areas but doesn't seem to be the in thing here.
NK, South Park is a hilarious show but extremely crude...it pokes fun at everything aside from Islam since the writers received death threats a few years ago when an episode was going to involve the great prophet. Instead of insulting Mohammad, they substituted Jesus and I believe it involved defecation (didn't watch the episode). Potty humor...galore but beware. Hitler, pedophiles, sexual implications, racial comments, politics, celebrity stuff, etc. Really anything goes but they are equal opportunity in who they roast. I recall one episode involving the Man/Boy Association and a convention of pedophiles. They love poking fun at most religions but Mormons have a special place in their heart. The Book of Mormon is a big broadway show and the recipient of many awards. I think the writers are brilliant and have laughed hysterically at some episodes but no way would I turn it in for little Sally and let them watch it as a cartoon. I'm sure that Asian kids are mocked but so are black kids, disabled kids and anything else you can think of. One episode poked fun at Aspergers and the episode was called "Ass Burgers" to give you an idea of their word play. South Park is not a great example to use in any discussion with your daughter.
Of course squashing any stereotype is important and if it is adding to your daughter's anxiety, it is good to do.
Education is extremely important to us and i truly fear for this little girl's future. She is funny and happy and social and all her teachers tell us they have never seen anybody try as hard as she does. But she is showing some anxiety as she is well aware that her sister is super smart and doing so much better than she is in school. Sister is one grade ahead-5th grade.
When she was in pre school I found that she was biting her upper arm and leaving marks. She hasn't done that in years.
She very likely senses or knows that education is extremely important in your family and she may sense she can never live up to your expectations. She is who she is --but the fact that it took so long for them to find the learning disability, may mean it's not all that obvious. The IQ test is an approximate, it can be lowered from stress in test-taking and because of her young age.
Now that you know there are some issues, you can find her the best kind of help around those issues. It's not that she cannot learn but she may need different teaching techniques, she may be slower and needs to work harder to learn what her sister can pick up quickly. Now you can guide her better because you know she may have some limitations but that doesn't mean she cannot feel good about herself and her efforts and her own unique qualities.
It's like people with kids who have physical handicaps - if they're hard of hearing or have slight cerebral palsy that affects their gait, you would do what you have to do for them, try to help them adapt and succeed as well as they can with whatever they want to do.
NK - we too have two adopted children with a wide difference in learning ability. It's a different(and frankly easier) situation in that our younger son is "highly gifted" and our daughter is probably average. Our son has surpassed his older sister(2yrs difference) in every academic area and this bugs her. It would bug me too.
We try to emphasize her skills. She's artistic, a great friend and a hard worker. Our son struggles with friendships and behavior. We don't draw a clear difference but we try to make sure that she is signed up for art classes that she loves and has lots of opportunities for things that are not academic. When she complains that he hardly has to do any work at school we point out the huge group of friends that she has etc.
Just another aside too. My husband is a very successful businessman with a mediocre IQ. We went to college together and he always did better in school than me, despite my gifted IQ. He worked harder, has better people skills and found what he excelled at. There's no reason to think that your daughter can't do the same. The wealthiest family in our neighborhood owns a string of hair salons...not academic at all but happy and successful doing what they love.
Just another aside too. My husband is a very successful businessman with a mediocre IQ. We went to college together and he always did better in school than me, despite my gifted IQ. He worked harder, has better people skills and found what he excelled at. There's no reason to think that your daughter can't do the same. The wealthiest family in our neighborhood owns a string of hair salons...not academic at all but happy and successful doing what they love.
The bolded above is huge. We used to worry about our son with his learning disability. He always puts forth 110% though, and has made his own way in the world. And, he has an amazing amount of friends. It may take him a year longer to graduate college than we would have wished, but he'll do it, and he already has a job lined up through his internship should he choose to stay in the area he attends school.
Sometimes I think he is better prepared for adulthood because he has had to work that much harder to get to that point.
I know what you mean Mattie. I guess my IQ is average-don't remember if I was ever tested. And school was hard for me but I graduated top in my college class-after a 7 year break working and I got my MBA with onors. Education meant something to me at that point while my brother who tested 125 glided thru college but dropped out of law school cause he was not willing to work hard. He held a series of dead end jobs, divorced 3 times and died a broke alcoholic. Very sad indeed.
DD is loving her tutoring and we are now trying to figure out what to do with her this summer. I've accepted we have to help her find areas of great interest and accomplishment outside of school and now I'm leaning towards no summer school so she can do something really fun. Still I know summer break is a time of great academic loss for most kids so I just don't know what to do. Now is the time to sign up for camps but we won't know if she has to go to summer school till May. What to do?
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