Would you let soon to 5 year old invite kids who ignore her to party? (out of control, toddler)

[Me 82]

My DD is a super friendly, polite girl. She says hello to all of her classmates in passing, is the kind of kid who will go over to someone if no one is playing with them, etc. We are throwing her, her first bday party and inviting her whole pre-k class. She is close friends who pretty much all the boys in the class, as in her words "They are just more fun to play with" and I sort of agree lol The party is being held at a party center, so it's capped for a certain amount of guests. If you go over, you have to pay a fee per child.

We told dd we were inviting her whole class, she was fine with it, but then a couple of times in passing, talked about inviting girls from her dance class. There's a few of them who completely ignore DD every week when she says hello to them in the waiting area. It doesn't seem to bother DD really, but who knows. She''ll even go over just to talk, like say "Hey, what are you looking at over there." (a girl had a magazine she brought in) and they'll ignore her then too. So at the end of the day, does it make sense to have kids who don't even interact with her, at her party? Nevertheless, possibly have to pay extra money for them to attend? She hasn't brought up inviting these girls anymore, so maybe she doesn't want them there either.

[germaine2626]

IMHO, for a party of five year olds it usually does not work out well to combine two groups of kids that do not know each other.

Also, IMHO, you do not invite a group of kids where most openly "ignore" the future birthday girl in a social setting.

Tell your daughter that this year she is inviting her preschool class, and only her preschool class, to her birthday party. If she wants to start inviting selected girls from her dance class to play dates that is a completely different matter.

[willow wind]

What is the point of expanding this group of kids ? Do you invite adult people to your home for parties or get togethers that you really don't care for or don't really socialize with ?

If you want to invite her class, then do that. I certainly wouldn't invite the dance class. They seem to be acquaintances, not friends.

A large group can be overwhelming enough for a small child. In class, they are mostly under control. At a party center, it can quickly get out of hand. Too, too many children is not wise. These are very young children. They can get tired, or cranky, or out of control wild easily. Since you've already decided upon it, I would stick to just her class and make sure you have enough adults on hand to chaperone.

[Kibbiekat]

The answer seems pretty clear to me.

[TLS1]

I wouldn't invite them because I wouldn't mix kids of different group settings. But if it weren't for that, I would invite them. Partly because your daughter asked, and partly because you really shouldn't read too much into the social graces (or lack thereof) of 5 year olds. You seem very personally offended by the other kids' behavior, which IME, is dangerous. You might want to give some thought to how you feel about how others feel about your kids and put some personal boundaries into that. People who get too involved in the social lives of their kids don't usually wind up happier for it.

[pkbab5]

Preschoolers don't usually *ignore* other kids. They are either shy, or don't realize they are supposed to respond. I've never seen a "snobby" preschooler. That's not really a thing they know how to do yet, unless they are *really* mature.


My 4 year old never responded to other kids saying hi (unless I prompted him) until one day it "clicked", and now he always does. It's not that he didn't like them, he just didn't realize that he was supposed to do something.


It's fine if you don't want to invite them to the party, especially as you have to pay extra for extra kids. But don't read too much into their behavior towards your daughter at this age, okay? They may eventually be friends with your daughter once they figure out how to be social creatures. Give them a bit to catch up to her.

[goochgirl]

I don't agree with saying preschoolers don't usually ignore other kids, b/c I have a 1st grader an when he was in pre k an in k there was a time or two that he had come home saying a couple kids were mean to him. My son is a pretty popular kid it seems everyone is his friend now but he went to a diff school then. Also there is a neighbor girl that is around that age and when my kids go outside she plays nice with my 8 yr old daughter who is much older than her an those two gang up on my 6 yr old son who is closer in age to her. I would never invite a kid to my kids party who I think isn't nice to my kid. plus the diff groups probably would be a problem.

[HighFlyingBird]

I would for sure stick to one group. Its more comfortable for all the attendees, including parents if they are staying. Just tell your daughter you are going to cap it at the class. Im pretty sure she will not be devastated

[BirdieBelle]

Is this the same dance class you had problems in before??

If yes, then heck no, she should not invite them. Stick to classmates, and don't worry about it. In a couple of years it will all be a faint memory.

[AfternoonCoffee]

Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird

I would for sure stick to one group. Its more comfortable for all the attendees, including parents if they are staying. Just tell your daughter you are going to cap it at the class. Im pretty sure she will not be devastated

Originally Posted by germaine2626

Tell your daughter that this year she is inviting her preschool class, and only her preschool class, to her birthday party. If she wants to start inviting selected girls from her dance class to play dates that is a completely different matter.

100% agree with these posts^^ For her first party, just inviting the preschool class is going to make for a much better experience for all involved: the little guests, their parents, you, and definitely the birthday girl. Keep in mind, since she hasn't had a full-blown birthday party, her expectations are not the same as yours. When she's having a blast in the party place, she won't be thinking about who's not there.

And I like the suggestion of scheduling play dates with girls from dance. Put that on the back burner until after her party.

Originally Posted by pkbab5

Preschoolers don't usually *ignore* other kids. They are either shy, or don't realize they are supposed to respond. I've never seen a "snobby" preschooler. That's not really a thing they know how to do yet, unless they are *really* mature.


My 4 year old never responded to other kids saying hi (unless I prompted him) until one day it "clicked", and now he always does. It's not that he didn't like them, he just didn't realize that he was supposed to do something.


It's fine if you don't want to invite them to the party, especially as you have to pay extra for extra kids. But don't read too much into their behavior towards your daughter at this age, okay? They may eventually be friends with your daughter once they figure out how to be social creatures. Give them a bit to catch up to her.

I also really agree with the this. Preschool aged kids are just quirky and socially awkward (it's like a preview into the middle school years!) Some develop significantly faster than others physically, socially and/or emotionally. Some are still more in their toddler "the-world-revolves-around-me" phase. Unless their moms are snobby witches, I wouldn't worry too much about the girls at dance. (Unless you observe a pattern of additional age-unusual, or slightly inappropriate behavior. I have known a few little girls who, whether due to a "mean-girl" big sister or a "mean girl" mama or just plain old "bad apple", have been mean from a very young age.)