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I was reading about a woman yesterday who has ten kids (biological and adopted), seven of whom are 5 and under. The other three are between 6 and 8. She claims that all her kids get what they need in every way. They all get scheduled time with mom in small groups. I wonder, though, if the kids really are getting the one-on-one attention they need, especially the smallest ones. What do you all think; is it physically possible to provide everything needed with so many small kids?
Obviously not one on one. What are the ratios required for daycare? I'm sure one caregiver for 10 kids would never be allowed. Yes small groups but certainly not much more. And when does she go to the store, cook, clean house, have time for DH or herself? I just don't see it. Most large families rely on older kids to care for the younger ones but in her case there aren't any older ones.
I thought daycare ratio too when I read the OP. I was one of 7 kids, and I don't remember much one-to-one time with my mother at all. I do remember lots of sibling fun though, and a special date night once a year on my birthday with my dad. As long as the physical needs of the kids are met, I think children are quite capable of getting the emotional connection they need from their brothers and sisters. Chances are those children will mature earlier, and exhibit independence faster than many of their peers.
I was reading about a woman yesterday who has ten kids (biological and adopted), seven of whom are 5 and under. The other three are between 6 and 8. She claims that all her kids get what they need in every way. They all get scheduled time with mom in small groups. I wonder, though, if the kids really are getting the one-on-one attention they need, especially the smallest ones. What do you all think; is it physically possible to provide everything needed with so many small kids?
Yes it is possible as long as you don't waste time trying to give them
everything they want, or what other people think you should give them ! ! !
Children do not need your undivided attention ! ! !
Does she have live-in help, or an independently wealthy husband who stays home all day to help with the house and the kids? You know, some way of freeing her from the time consuming tasks of running a household so that she has plenty of free time to devote strictly to the kids?
I know of several families with many children. Those which function best seem to be those who have very good organizational skills and a lot of flexibility and practicality, in addition to a sort of affinity for children - they enjoy their children, understand typical (and non-typical) child development, are patient and tolerant of minor infractions which are handled promptly and with awareness of the culprit's developmental level and with "what works" with that particular child, but deal with more serious issues appropriately, getting professional help when needed, and so on. Many of these families use schedules to help them move successfully through each day's routines.
Most of these families have largish houses, but not all do. Children typically share bedrooms - up to four kids per room, with bunkbeds in common use. Outgrown clothes are carefully stored and passed down to the younger siblings, many toys, books, and clothes are purchased at thrift shops, outdoor fun, board games which can be played by many participants and traditional toys are often stressed over having the latest hand-held game or gimmick.
Family outings tend to be to local parks, libraries, free concerts and street fairs, museums, etc. rather than to big name amusement parks or other big ticket attractions. Children have age-appropriate tasks and responsibilities, ranging from loading and emptying the washer and dryer to doing the dishes to raking the yard, changing the beds, tidying up toys after play, emptying the trash, and so on. Children often are taught to cook simple dishes (both boys and girls, in these particular families).
Many of these families are very devout and take part in many church activities. A lot of them homeschool. Many, especially adoptive parents of children with special needs, feel a spiritual calling towards special needs adoption. It's common for other adult socializing to be a monthly parents' night out, along with getting together with other large families, often those who have children who were adopted.
No doubt it's a very different sort of childhood and growing up for the children of these families as compared with a two or three child family, but it seems to be working quite well for the families such as I've described.
Time will tell.
Of course, back in the 1800s, large families were the norm, and worries about each child getting their share and one-on-one parental bonding did not exist - those are rather modern concepts.
Of course, back in the 1800s, large families were the norm, and worries about each child getting their share and one-on-one parental bonding did not exist - those are rather modern concepts.
But under most circumstances, a large family wouldn't include that many kids in the five and under range with no kids old enough to provide really substantial help. You'd usually see at least a couple of teens or preteens by the time a family got to be that big, and that would make a huge difference both in terms of providing substantial help with the younger ones and reducing the amount of direct care the kids as a group need.
I was reading about a woman yesterday who has ten kids (biological and adopted), seven of whom are 5 and under. The other three are between 6 and 8. She claims that all her kids get what they need in every way. They all get scheduled time with mom in small groups. I wonder, though, if the kids really are getting the one-on-one attention they need, especially the smallest ones. What do you all think; is it physically possible to provide everything needed with so many small kids?
Yes. The kids also get social interaction from each other including love. Many parents with just one or two kids don't interact with the kids much, especially those parents who are out drinking and dancing in clubs, finding new partners, etc. Probably most bigger families have two parents who are more interested in "family".
I am friendly with a woman who has 9 children and her husband unexpectedly passed away when the youngest was around 10, he is now a senior in high school. Every single child (except the last because he's not old enough) has gone to college and she has at least one dentist and a doctor among her kids. They are happy, polite, kind, self sufficient people and very close to each other. I'm sure it wasn't always easy but obviously it can be done and well.
But under most circumstances, a large family wouldn't include that many kids in the five and under range with no kids old enough to provide really substantial help. You'd usually see at least a couple of teens or preteens by the time a family got to be that big, and that would make a huge difference both in terms of providing substantial help with the younger ones and reducing the amount of direct care the kids as a group need.
We had a few large families in our neighborhood and a couple of really large families, but usually there was a year & sometime almost 1 1/2 years between children (sometimes less but of course, biologically, no less than 9 or 10 months between children unless they were twins). Seven kids five years old and under plus three more kids a little older would be pretty tough to care for and still give individual attention to each of them.
I wonder if she is a working mother with ten kids that age? I really doubt it. Even day care center have rules about how many children one person can safely care for. I wonder how much her husband helps out, or is he working several full time jobs just to pay for ten children?
Lots of things to wonder about.
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-01-2013 at 03:43 PM..
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