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I hope so, they always run up to her and don't let her go as soon as she gets home.
Know why?
Cause she is a source of love, comfort, support and happiness.
Couldn't we all use more hugs, kisses and 'I love yous'? I think the best thing she could be doing is raising compassionate, loving, caring men for the future.
We have 3 boys aged 6, 4 and 2. I believe my wife babies them too much. There's too much kissing, hugging and "I love you" for my taste to be honest.
What has your taste got to do with it? Her expression of her relationship with her children is her business.
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Originally Posted by Xusein
I'm afraid they will turn out girly and won't be able to deal with difficulties as the hard world hits them.
The expression of affection - as recipient or giver - does not hamper ones abilities to cope with the hardships of life. Quite the opposite in fact as the ability to be open and expressive with others is a skill worth having.
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Originally Posted by Xusein
I like to keep a fine line of respect and make them understand I'm not their "buddy".
Which is an attitude more likely to leave a child scarred and unable to cope in life more than any you have expressed issue with. If you can not be a friend to your own children or parents then who can you be?
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Originally Posted by Xusein
I'm afraid one day they won't respect her over excessive attention.
That is not how respect is earned or lost.
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Originally Posted by Xusein
I notice that boys these days don't seem to have the same toughness we had when I was a child. Something must have changed.
Perhaps a slow death of the form or archaic notions you have been expressing on the thread? Such as equating the ability to deal with the hardships of life as being a masculine quality and a lack of this as being "girly".
Don't wanna be their buddy, rather be seen as a bully instead? I had a dad like that, it's not the best, really.
The buddy discussion is dumb. One can be an effective disciplinarian, male or female, without withholding love. It is too bad that anyone does not know that.
^ Agreed - there is an awful notion in the minds of many parents that you can not be a friend and a parent at the same time. You have to choose one or the other. I hate to see parents fail entirely to implement any discipline for some fear of their children turning around and loving them any less. But at the other extreme it is awful to see parents so invested in discipline that they fail to have anything approaching a meaningful relationship with their children.
One can implement both - and do both perfectly - without any harm causes by one on the other.
My dad felt the same way the op does and guess who would love to have some affection from his adult children and can't get it these days? Fortunately mom didn't feel the same way and my siblings and I have a bond with her that we just don't have with our dad.
I can't imagine hugging or touching him and I'm a nurse so sometimes my thoughts lead to what will happen with him if he ever becomes physically dependent. I can see changing my mom's adult diapers and caring for her in a personal way but not my dad. I just can't we aren't bonded like that. I would have to leave him to a home health aide or let the nursing home staff take care of him.
You reap what you sow OP so be careful. The children that you feel so powerful over today will be adults who may have some power over you someday! Really, there might come a day when you want a hug or a kiss from them and they will look at you with repulsion or feel cold and indifferent to you.
I get what the OP is saying but I think he might be a bit misguided as I think you can show your kids love and affection and still be tough but I think he also could have a legitimate concern where his wife is concerned. Not the hugging etc. That is important. For both parents IMO.
You have to make sure they know you love them no matter what but you also have to be a parent and THE adult. It's a tough balancing act.
The big concern I have with parents is that too many think they need to be friends with their kids. they are afraid to discipline them or be stern for fear that their children won't "like" them. It's more often than not a disaster waiting to happen. I've seen friends doing this and it's so sad to watch. Now their kids run all over them and do what they want. They don't respect their parents.
When it comes to THEIR children, teachers and coaches are always wrong. One of the boys gets detention? The superintendent gets a nasty phone call from the mom. "Not my kids fault." It's maddening to watch. I coached their boys and one of the boys couldn't handle being "coached" and wouldn't take instruction or constructive criticism like the other players have to. He's special. He would ignoretalk back or walk away. It got ugly with the parents and we barely talk now.
Our college age children were disciplined from a young age. Boundaries and expectations were set. Respect for authority and adults was a must. Regardless of whether you agreed or not.
Consistency is a key. Sometimes you're tired and don't feel like dealing with it and the easiest thing is to give in. Sometimes you are the only parent to say "no" so YOU are the bad guy. Even though you know you are doing the right thing. Sorry, being a parent is hard. they will try to wear you down. Not happening.
Step out of line? There are consequences. I am a big sports nut but I made my son sit out a few games in JR high due to missing a few assignments. People were shocked and some thought I was being too strict and it was embarrassing for him. Sorry, that's OUR rules. He isn't traumatized or resentful. He knows that it was the right thing to do. It worked. He ended up valedictorian in HS and homecoming king. He turned out just fine.
Yes, we were tough at times but all the while they ALWAYS knew we loved them. No matter what they did. Punishment or a reprimand would be given followed by positive reinforcement that we still love them.
To this day, when our kids come home from college or we go see them, there are always hugs. every time. I could be a crusty SOB with them but they always knew I loved them and they both come to me for somethings and my wife for others but they both feel they can share things with us. It's awesome.
My wife and I stopped into see my son at his PT job the other day. We hadn't seen him in a week or 2. In front of his co-workers he came up and gave us each hugs. It was awesome. Yeah, it's the little things.
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
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To the gentleman that started the thread some wisdom if I may from a father of three boys myself. I survived a civil war as a teenager, stood in a bread lines for what felt like decades, cared for a sick father, went through 19 years of schooling, and I have NEVER, EVER had a tougher and yet more fulfilling experience than being a stay-at-home dad during my grad school years. I am ten times TOUGHER guy from that experience-and subsequently developed a strong bond with my boys-one of respect, unconditional love and accountability.
Your wife has a tough job man. Cherish the fact that your kids can go to her at any time. Those boys need love right now. But more importantly try to get involved. Just because you are a provider doesn't mean you can't do the grunt work, or what I call s**t parenting work-those 12 to 14 hour days where you are wondering almost hourly whether or not you are f*****g up your kids' lives, counting down to 4pm so that you don't have to feel ashamed to start drinking, or noon so that the nap time can start, or that the mere basic human necessity of peeing by yourself becomes an impossible task. I will never forget holding two screaming children one in each arm crying for god knows how long, and thinking to myself wtf have I done?????
So the point is, get involved. It will be the hardest thing you ever did, and the best.
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