My three year old seems different than other kids (playing, son, engaged)
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Beyond those examples, she is very, very difficult for us. Just won't do as asked, and every little thing is a struggle for us.
Red flag.
If "every little thing" is a struggle for you I suggest you get professional help to teach you and your wife how to deal with having a child. What you describe is what kids do. Kids are stubborn, fussy, curious, impatient, slow, subject to the affects of Mountain Dew and likely to do things that will bug the living heck out of their parents. She's 3.5 and things are difficult for you? Welcome to parenthood. What did you expect?
I'm wondering - my 3.5 year old seems different than other kids.
Some things I've noticed:
- Won't play/talk to/interact with other kids that she doesn't know well. Has very small group of friends at her daycare.
- Seems more interested in science and details on what is going on in the world than others. We took her to the zoo recently and she asked a million questions about what was on the other side of a hedgerow, about what was falling out of the birds mouth as it was eating, and spent a lot of time watching the birds and other animals go about their routine. Looking at the other kids the same age at the zoo, the other kids didn't seem to be doing this.
- On a walk this evening, she seemed very interested in the storm drains. Checked out each and every one.
Beyond those examples, she is very, very difficult for us. Just won't do as asked, and every little thing is a struggle for us.
Any thoughts? I'm particuarly interested if these are risk factors for Aspergers. Both her father (me) and her uncle (wife's brother) has Aspergers.
She might just be gifted. It's early days for a diagnosis of aspergers, but I understand your fears. Please speak with your pediatrician.
My biggest concern is the fact that she doesn't play with other children she doesn't know, even when a large group of children who don't know each other are playing together.
Second to that is she seems to be more interested in how things work or what makes the world tick than she does in what other kids are doing or paying any attention to the fact that other kids are around. She simply ignores their existence with the exception of a couple kids at daycare.
Find the Project Child Find coordinator in your county and get a free developmental screening.
Some kids were "different" without being labelled.
Your daughter sounds intelligent and curious.
I'd be taking her mother to the doctor, myself.
Yes, some kids are different - and the child may be gifted. And yes, the mom may be worrying for nothing.
However, a mother (or father) should trust her gut instinct if little red flags are going off that something is "off" in a child's development. A mother's (or father's) gut instinct is often spot on and if there are issues to be addressed, addressing them sooner is better.
A child who is "difficult" in the say the original poster describes could have hearing problems or auditory processing challenges. A child who is not hearing or comprehending everything will not be able to join other children and may appear to be "difficult" or "challenging" or "strong willed" or "oppositional" at home, too. I'd have the child's vision checked, too.
If mom's (or dad's) gut instinct has red flags going up, then mom (or dad!) should find the developmental screeners in her county or have the pediatrician make a referral to rule out any issues.
For parenting, I really like Celebrate Calm.
Last edited by Anony-Momma; 05-12-2014 at 04:25 PM..
As for your little girl not playing with children she doesn't know well, has she had such play modeled for her? has anyone introduced her to the other children, and started them off? "Mary, this is Susie. she likes to play dolls just like you do! Maybe your dolls could be friends" [or whatever toy or activity seems to provide common ground].
It's not uncommon for only children who are not around other children very much to relate to adults better, and to be awkward or shy in making connections with other kids. however, since your daughter does have two friends and plays with them without any problem, I don't think her keeping her distance from children whom she doesn't know is a sign of autism or Asperger's. It's more likely that she just doesn't know how to connect with them or has little interest in whatever activity they're involved in.
As for that insatiable curiosity, that's great (if sometimes exhausting). Make sure she has ample opportunity to follow up her interests - the library will have simple nonfiction books about all sorts of interesting topics. Trips to the zoo, the children's museum, the park, the beach, etc. can all be both stimulating and satisfying for her.
And yes - agreeing with others here - her sometimes contrariness is normal for this age. The library will have books on child development and parenting, too - they often will have good advice for redirecting your little one toward less antagonistic interactions and more productive behavior.
Sounds like an Aspie, congratulations!!!! Sounds like a win/win. Aspie Dad, Aspie daughter you will have a close bond...especially if your special interests are the same.
I'm wondering - my 3.5 year old seems different than other kids.
All kids are different than other kids. Just like all adults are different from other adults. Kids within the same family are different. Every difference is not an indication of "giftedness". Not a fascination with birds, not avoiding TV, or rock music or goth, not playing with Legos even if the child is a girl (), not taking only educational vacations and not taking or avoiding music lessons, not only having simple and inexpensive toys, not attending a "premier daycare" and not loading the dishwasher in a particular way.
Relax, enjoy your child, accept that parenting is a challenge and take steps to deal with your own parenting challenges rather than spending hours online, denegrating your neighbors, family members and coworkers for how they deal with their own parenting challenges.
My biggest concern is the fact that she doesn't play with other children she doesn't know, even when a large group of children who don't know each other are playing together.
Second to that is she seems to be more interested in how things work or what makes the world tick than she does in what other kids are doing or paying any attention to the fact that other kids are around. She simply ignores their existence with the exception of a couple kids at daycare.
My son used to just stand outside of the play areas at the park, etc. and observe children playing. He would not go and play like a "normal" child. He is now 24, an aerospace engineer, and quite charming. I wouldn't worry too much about that aspect .
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), not taking only educational vacations and not taking or avoiding music lessons, not only having simple and inexpensive toys, not attending a "premier daycare" and not loading the dishwasher in a particular way. 
