Know-it-all Child (not mine) - What Can I Do? (boys, 11 yr old, grandmother)
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I was reading an article about how to deal with a know-it-all child, and I have some questions.
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The problem I have is that the child I'm having a problem with (an 11 y/o relative), is not being argumentative. He's telling me how to fix the computer even though he has no idea what he's talking about it. I find it annoying. Then he keeps asking me questions about what I'm doing and what things are. It's great that he's asking questions to learn something, but he is too young, irresponsible, untrustworthy, and immature to be given the actual answers to what he's asking. So I'm not sure how to respond to him. The only thing I know for sure is that his constant "advice" and questions irritate the heck out of me. He does the same thing to repair people, except that he takes it a step further and messes with their equipment.
So, I'm not sure what I should be doing. No matter what I say to him, he just doesn't listen to me. I'll also go ahead and mention that he is bossy, becoming manipulative, and bordering on becoming a bully to get his way. (Oddly enough, he has been bullied at school for the last two years.) He doesn't even listen to other adults who tell him no or to stop. He didn't listen to adults when he was 5 and he's still not listening. If a person persists in telling him no or to stop, he gets upset, whines about how "I was just trying to help", then stomps off sulking. Some adults, like his grandmother, end up apologizing to him for upsetting him. :rolls eyes: So, if I follow what the article says, should I just say, "that's interesting" and ignore this child when he starts giving me "advice"? I'm really at a loss as to what to do and I know there are other people who feel this way, including some of his teachers.
Are you in some way responsible for this child? Because you're awfully upset about an 11yr old kid that isn't yours. Just smile and nod and say "whatever Johnny" or whoever he is.
Now if he lives with you and you're asking for help that's a different situation but lots of kids are annoying, sorry.
I was reading an article about how to deal with a know-it-all child, and I have some questions.
The problem I have is that the child I'm having a problem with (an 11 y/o relative), is not being argumentative. He's telling me how to fix the computer even though he has no idea what he's talking about it. I find it annoying. Then he keeps asking me questions about what I'm doing and what things are. It's great that he's asking questions to learn something, but he is too young, irresponsible, untrustworthy, and immature to be given the actual answers to what he's asking. So I'm not sure how to respond to him. The only thing I know for sure is that his constant "advice" and questions irritate the heck out of me. He does the same thing to repair people, except that he takes it a step further and messes with their equipment.
So, I'm not sure what I should be doing. No matter what I say to him, he just doesn't listen to me. I'll also go ahead and mention that he is bossy, becoming manipulative, and bordering on becoming a bully to get his way. (Oddly enough, he has been bullied at school for the last two years.) He doesn't even listen to other adults who tell him no or to stop. He didn't listen to adults when he was 5 and he's still not listening. If a person persists in telling him no or to stop, he gets upset, whines about how "I was just trying to help", then stomps off sulking. Some adults, like his grandmother, end up apologizing to him for upsetting him. :rolls eyes: So, if I follow what the article says, should I just say, "that's interesting" and ignore this child when he starts giving me "advice"? I'm really at a loss as to what to do and I know there are other people who feel this way, including some of his teachers.
Take him to a maker space and be the "adult". Ignore negative behaviors is the best way to deal with this sort of behavior.
First....there are many 11 yr olds that can and do fix computers, so don't discount knowledge based only on age.
Having said that, this boy sounds quite a bit like a boy I had been keeping until summer began. He has been diagnosed with Aspergers and his shows up in this way in addition to not understanding social norms. He is 10.
He talks as if he has more knowledge than everyone else on many things. However when challenged with information that he is not correct he says "oh" and quits talking. (I am fairly sure that he ignores what is said and fully believes he is right and that person is wrong. lol)
He hears/sees/reads a fact or two and takes it straight up as being completely true in all circumstances and all he needs to know to be an expert. Even his sister (8) is now learning to challenge some things he says.
While it's definitely frustrating it doesn't take much effort to simply respond in a way that either ends the conversation or sends it in a different way. Anything you say that challenges this boys comments will always send you deeper into the conversation often turning into an argument.
What you DO say is...... That's cool you've learned that. Interesting. Would you bring me a bottle of water?
Or, if you want to teach him something about what he thinks he knows, take the time to say....that's only a part of fixing a computer and then give long detailed information. Either he will learn it or he will be bored and leave you alone.
Just tell him, "go away, kid, you bother me." Then shut the door behind him.
I agree, mostly.
There's nothing wrong with just telling a kid to leave the room. Tell him you are busy and do not need his help. Then give him something specific to do elsewhere.
Be very stern if you have to. If he pouts, that's his choice.
I don't know about the second half of the post, but the first post, about knowing it all, giving advice, asking questions, and just plain talking, talking, talking. Well, that is the nature of the beast for 7-12 year olds. Some people find this age annoying, some people adore it, but highly dislike other ages. He will grow out of that part at least. Now, can someone help me with my son? Because he IS right almost all the time. The positive part on our side is that is has caused us to really work with him on being humble. I would like to think that we would teach this anyhow, but it has really focused our attention for the need to teach it. If you are around him a lot, perhaps you could take the same tract, both to help refine his character and as a way to redirect your ire.
he is too young, irresponsible, untrustworthy, and immature to be given the actual answers to what he's asking
So, if I follow what the article says, should I just say, "that's interesting" and ignore this child when he starts giving me "advice"?
Maybe spend a minute giving him an answer, quiz him as to what the next step might be, and if he clearly has no idea, just say something like "well I need to get back to it, and I need you to stop talking so I can concentrate"
I work with a lot of kids in this age group (10-13), and I find honesty and respect is often the best policy: "I understand you're trying to help, but it's really hard to concentrate when you're talking. I might even be doing it wrong, but I'd like to try it my way, thanks. Do you mind leaving the room for a while? I'm getting frustrated with this thing I'm trying to fix and I don't want to take it on you."
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