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Each child is different, but I can tell you that my daughter, when she was 5, asked how a penis could make a baby. Urk?! In the car, too, on the way home from kindergarten -- guess what they were talking about on the playground? Sheesh. She started her period when she was 10, but at that point, she knew what to expect and it was not a surprise (as opposed to her cousin, whose parents refused to allow her to go to the sex ed classes because they were "dirty", and asked me, when she was 12, when was a good time to have 'the talk'. "Five years ago," I replied, rolling my eyes.)
When I was 9, back in the Middle Ages, my mother went to a meeting at school for the parents of girls. Modess was there, and gave them all little "kits" that had a pamphlet in it about menstruation, plus that stupid little belt that secured a sanitary pad. My mother just handed me the pamphlet and said, "read this over and let me know if you have any questions." Uh -- ok. One day, just to be mischievous, I asked her how a penis got into a vagina. I thought she was going to have a stroke, she turned so red. :-)
I think the key is to be ready with age appropriate answers -- not necessarily sit them down on their 11th birthday and say, "OK, this is what oral sex is. Got it? Any questions? Good talk . . ."
I learned about what sex was at 8 years old from my cousin who was 7. I really didn't think much of it. My parents gave me the talk when I was 13. When my mom was explaining the importance of condoms, I cut her off and started going on and on about viral vs. bacterial STDs and teen pregnancy rates. She was amazed at how much I knew. Then she said, "How do you know all of this?" and my reply was, "I looked it up on the Internet".
I hate to derail the OP's thread, so you should probably repost your comment to the thread I started about this exact topic --> When to talk to your kids about sex?
Quote:
Originally Posted by longnecker
In this day and age I would rather be the one telling them than some pervert who "befriended" them.
AMEN! Or even a friend, period.
I hate to derail the OP's thread, so you should probably repost your comment to the thread I started about this exact topic --> When to talk to your kids about sex?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl
Give me a break. This timetable is so wrong I can't even begin to express it.
There is NO WAY my 10 year old is ready to have the sex act described in detail. Nor is my 11 year old ready to hear about oral sex.
My 10 and 11 year old know what puberty is (for each sex) and that anyone going near their private parts is off limits and should be reported immediately.
My 10 year old is more interested in Minecraft than he is about girls and having sex. My 11 year old is more interested in Doctor Who than she is about boys and having sex. Heck, if they see someone kiss on TV they tell me to turn the channel because they "don't want to see that junk on TV!" The day they STOP asking me to change the channel is the day I know they might be ready for another level to "the talk." So I'll continue to have conversations with my kids and once I decided they are ready for more details, I'll give them to them.
But you can't just make a list of ages and what they should know at that age. It's absurd because each child is different.
Lol, you're so naive... But whatever floats your boat, I guess...
I hate to derail the OP's thread, so you should probably repost your comment to the thread I started about this exact topic --> When to talk to your kids about sex?
Trust me, at age 10 (4th or 5th grade) most kids know what sex is and at age 11 (5th or 6th grade) your daughter probably has heard a kid say something provocative like "suck my d***". I knew what those things were at that age, too; however, I wasn't interested in them. I was too focused on musical theatre, piano, and That's So Raven. And to this day, I cringe and look away whenever I see people doing more than a peck.
Do me a favor, when you finally do sit your kids down and talk about these things, ask them if they knew any of this stuff.
Every time I read this stuff I say "thank you" to the universe for giving me parents who said, "No matter what... come to us. No matter how stupid a mistake you make.... come to us. We will love you and support you and get through it as a family."
OP: This is what you signed up for when YOU got pregnant. Pull up your Adult Mother pants as far as they'll go. Toss her out because she's pregnant? Get a grip, woman. Right now is when she needs you most.
That is what the OP you are so wonderfully supporting is planning to do. When that is a mother's first thought when a kid goofs up.....there is cupability there.
A parents who has been doing the best they can and the kid still goofs just doesn't jump to the idea to toss out a pregnant teen I to the streets. That's a parent that gave up long ago and doesn't care. That is what you are defending.
There is no point in you and me arguing about it. You can believe in what you want to and let me believe in what I want to, with mutual respect.
I am defending a mother. Not her decision. I guess for you its one and the same. For me its not.
It seems the OP is stuck in her "my way or the highway" gear since she's not responded to any of the pertinent questions asked. OP, if you're even listening, get yourself down to social services NOW and get help before you foul up this fouled-up situation even more up and end up with Children's Services up your behind. I'm sure you have your hands full but your parenting is atrocious and you need help as much as your daughter does.
OK... So what makes you think she's probably blaming herself when she said the opposite?
the same reasons that made you think she is the one to blame.
Most people that are "blaming themselves sick" don't normally get to the place of "well, its either us or them". She's not even asking what to do with daughter, but she's asking how to get rid of her with no consequences on her part. That's just really off.
Most people that are "blaming themselves sick" don't normally get to the place of "well, its either us or them". She's not even asking what to do with daughter, but she's asking how to get rid of her with no consequences on her part. That's just really off.
OK then, lets just wait for OP to come back. I feel as a mother she has done what she could. You feel that was not the case. So, I guess we have no choice but for OP to come back and confirm. If you do end up being right, I would humbly back off for not judging the person right.
I'm making the decision as head of the house and I'm not willing to put myself and the rest of my family in jeopardy because of one persons mistake. I'm doing what's best for my children and keeping food in everyone's mouths. And what's best for my family is that she leaves. It's either her or us.
Did you ever sit down with your daughter and have a talk about sex, and the end results, and what your expectations for her were?
Your daughter needs your unconditional love and support, and for someone to sit down with her and work this out. You can kick her out of your home, but she is underage, and you will still be paying child support costs for her. If you refuse to do so, they will get a court order to take it out of your pay anyways...or arrest you and put you in jail.
Make sure that you and she, are both getting all of the financial benefits and help that you can (sounds like you all desperately need this.) She is a child, she needs your unconditional love and support right now. (And many children at this age, have trouble with decision making...she's not an adult yet, and you are expecting her to act like one, so you can be free of your obligations.) You are totally responsible for her care, and medical bills...if this is a problem for you, you should have thought twice before procreating a life (or lives) into our world. And now you want to throw her out, like she is an expendable piece of trash....that's pretty sad.
Where is your daughter's father in all of this? Is it possible for her to go live with him for a while? Before you kick her out, I'd see what options are available to you as far as government subsidies. There's plenty of online programs where she'll be able to get her HS diploma while caring for her infant. It's not an ideal situation but it's better than throwing a kid out of the house.
Yes.
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