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Would love to hear from others who are parenting young kids without any local family (and family is very far away). We see both sides of our families twice a year due to the distance. We have twin boys. Often I feel a bit sad during the holidays (any holiday) and on birthdays because it's just the 4 of us. For those of you parenting without any local family, how have you made things feel less lonely and still special without family around, especially on holidays/birthdays?
I grew up without any local family as well (we saw family only once a year) and I felt that holidays and birthdays were lonely without grandparents, cousins, etc. And I had lots of aunts, uncles and cousins, it's just that they lived very far away. My kids have no cousins and only one aunt/uncle.
We've tried to make friends here who are like family, but that is really hard, as we are not originally from our area and moved there in our 30s. Most people we meet already have lots of friends and family in the area and aren't looking for more, so making good friends and family friends has been very challenging. I hope it will get easier when my kids are in school (they will start preschool this fall).
In addition, it's also hard not having the backup of local family when you're parenting young kids.
Just wondered if anyone is experiencing the same thing.
One thing you may want to do is to find an elderly neighbor or couple whose children are far away and befriend them. They might really enjoy participating in holidays with you. Of course, you have to find the right fit for your family and for the couple.
We've never have had family around and it saddens me to no end. My husband and I are only children and our cousins and such are scattered all over the place. At best, we saw our families once a year. It really doesn't get any easier. I regret that both of my kids didn't have family close by. The best you can do is have some good friends. My best friend always included us in her family events and that took some of the sting out of having no family around. As Nana suggested, finding an elderly couple or neighbor would be another wonderful thing.
Since we moved, we are far away from our old friends. Having really no social or family network is tough.
I think that since your kids are young, you may make some great friends as they start school. Fingers crossed and good luck.
On the other hand, there's no guarantee kids will get along with their cousins or that their relatives will be good influences.
One side of my family are rednecks who all grew up near each other and I always dreaded having to go see them on holidays or joint vacations. My cousins from that bunch are all doing poorly as adults. The kids of the "satellite" families who got away from that scene are all doing great.
We've never have had family around and it saddens me to no end. My husband and I are only children and our cousins and such are scattered all over the place. At best, we saw our families once a year. It really doesn't get any easier. I regret that both of my kids didn't have family close by. The best you can do is have some good friends. My best friend always included us in her family events and that took some of the sting out of having no family around. As Nana suggested, finding an elderly couple or neighbor would be another wonderful thing.
Since we moved, we are far away from our old friends. Having really no social or family network is tough.
I think that since your kids are young, you may make some great friends as they start school. Fingers crossed and good luck.
OP here. I can relate to so much of what you wrote! How are you coping without a social or family support network?
I wish I had a best friend who would invite us to their family events! I do have a good friend but she never invites us to her family events, and she has all her family in the area. It's hard to make good friends when everyone is so busy with family, work, etc.
We raised/raising our kids without local family and only very short visits yearly with one set of grandparents. No uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. I tried to find a surrogate family as well but ... didn't work out. People already had one around or had close friends or weren't interested. My advice is to develop really fun traditions and really focus on them. Hold them to be just as important (or even more so) then if there was 20 people over. Don't pass on the disappointment to your kids. They are going to enjoy holidays if you do.
My advice is to develop really fun traditions and really focus on them. Hold them to be just as important (or even more so) then if there was 20 people over. Don't pass on the disappointment to your kids. They are going to enjoy holidays if you do.
OP here. I totally agree with this! We are working on our own family traditions. And that's something that is fun to do. I do hope that we can eventually make some good family friends to share holidays and celebrations with though.
My family are all in a different country so my kid only sees her grandparents once or twice a year and has only met her cousins a few times. We have her step-dad's family here but its not quite the same and there are no cousins as none of his siblings have kids or are likely to any time in the foreseeable future.
It kinda sucks at Christmas and birthdays but it was the same for me growing up. We just try and visit family whenever we can and make do with friends.
Oh yes. Since 2007, when my 1st child was born we have moved 5 times because of employment opportunities for my DH. Since 2012, we haven't moved and don't plan to until the 3 kids graduate HS.
I am close to most of my siblings and their children so it's been really hard for me. They visit a few times year so that helps, but day to day, not so much.
There are two things that have really helped me make close friends. First, I joined a local moms playgroup that I found on meetup.com. They are hit or miss as some groups have more regular participating moms than others. I would avoid joining a big play group because 75% of the mom never show up. I try to stick with playgroups that are 25 or less moms. What you find are a group of 4-7 moms that are regular participants and you begin to get to know them really well. It might take a couple of playgroups for you to try out before you find one that clicks.
Second, it did help that my oldest when we moved here started kindergarten. The bus stop was an easy casual way to meet other parents without any pressure. I am an introvert (not shy) but I made sure that I had to go out of my comfort zone to get to know the other moms.
It's been 3 years and I have a 3 really good friends but also, I have gotten to know my cul de sac neighbors really well - well enough to have talks while kids play outside and stuff like that.
OP here. I can relate to so much of what you wrote! How are you coping without a social or family support network?
I wish I had a best friend who would invite us to their family events! I do have a good friend but she never invites us to her family events, and she has all her family in the area. It's hard to make good friends when everyone is so busy with family, work, etc.
Honestly it is really hard. My kids seem to be rebounding well from the move. They make friends so easily in school. The hardest part about making our move out of state was leaving my best friend. She was really my source of strength and I miss her desperately. We've been in our new area for two years. We rented our first year here so really didn't get to know folks that well in our rental neighborhood. Last summer we moved again to a totally new school district and new neighborhood. It has been unsettling to say the least and at time I feel untethered.
This past fall I signed up for a language class through our community college and met some really nice folks there. We are all taking a foreign language together and plan on sticking with it for a bit. We are even talking about taking a trip at some point! Friendships though take such a long time to grow and many folks already have their family or long term friendships already in place. Many folks are also in different phases of life. I'm an older mom so many of my peers are enjoying grandkids or retirement. I think eventually we will feel more settled but it is hard. I'm a bit of an introvert so that makes getting to know folks even more difficult. I'm trying my best to grow my new friendships though and hopefully with time, something will take.
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