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I'm 21 (without children) and I'd like to chime in...
When my mom asks me to do something and I don't want to do it, I say, "No". If she tells me to do something and I don't want to do it, I do it (without a smile on my face). She hates it when I say that and my response is, "Don't be mad at me for saying 'no' when you asked."
She will then either beg me or ask my brother. I never say, "Why don't you do it?" because I think that's rude and I know the reason why she won't do it is because she doesn't know how or she doesn't feel like it.
What would you say if you asked your child to do something like mow the lawn or take out the trash and their reply was something along the lines of asking you to do it yourself or why can't you do it?
I would actually say to myself that I took a few wrong turns in Parenting.
That never happened in my home. Child rearing happens early in their lives. If you have gotten to this point, something wasn't done years ago.
It is not like I forced my kids to do things. I just made a point early in life that they were part of the family and we all had to work together to get things done. It is a rather natural progression that kids learn to help out. Yes, they can get a little lazy during their teenage years, but "you do this and you can do that" works out pretty easily.
My kids got that rear end popped when smarted off to me like that!! I don't ask for much, just to do their fair share. They want something, they work for it to earn it. I don't hand hold my kids!
I'm 21 (without children) and I'd like to chime in...
When my mom asks me to do something and I don't want to do it, I say, "No". If she tells me to do something and I don't want to do it, I do it (without a smile on my face). She hates it when I say that and my response is, "Don't be mad at me for saying 'no' when you asked."
She will then either beg me or ask my brother. I never say, "Why don't you do it?" because I think that's rude and I know the reason why she won't do it is because she doesn't know how or she doesn't feel like it.
I think its rude you just don't do it! But that my opinion! Your Mom shouldn't have to "ask" or "tell" you to do something, you just do it because shes your mother!
Where is child protective services when you need them?
Quote:
Originally Posted by LongNote
What would you say if you asked your child to do something like mow the lawn or take out the trash and their reply was something along the lines of asking you to do it yourself or why can't you do it?
I would probably laugh and say, " let's just see how far that attitude takes you in this family. If you aren't a contributing member to this family then you will be responsible for all your own things. Laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning room, paying rent, getting to and from school and cooking for yourself. It's great practice for when you leave home."
Then I would do nothing for the kid. You are either a contributing member of our family or you aren't.
OP, look up the difference between authoritarian parenting and authoritative parenting. There have been many scientific studies that have shown that authoritative parenting has the best long term results for children and how they fare when they grow into adults.
In other words, kids who had parents who say "because I said so or I will slap you into next week" tend to have emotional and mental problems as adults. Kids who had parents who say "I expect you to do this because [insert reasonable explination here] and you need to do it otherwise you will experience this [non-violent but still unpleasant] consequence" tend to be better adjusted, more successful, and happier adults.
Some parents don't care if their kids grow up to be well-adjusted or not. So decide what your priorities are as a parent and make your decision accordingly.
I would actually say to myself that I took a few wrong turns in Parenting.
That never happened in my home. Child rearing happens early in their lives. If you have gotten to this point, something wasn't done years ago.
It is not like I forced my kids to do things. I just made a point early in life that they were part of the family and we all had to work together to get things done. It is a rather natural progression that kids learn to help out. Yes, they can get a little lazy during their teenage years, but "you do this and you can do that" works out pretty easily.
^^^THIS^^^
As a child my parents were clear in expressing expectations at early age on responsibilities (age appropriate) within the household (six older siblings) - and everyone was expected to do something (no matter how minor, like setting the table for dinner or sweeping kitchen floor. If a child has any level of cognitive ability and starts at early age it should work fine with exceptions for those with some cognitive deficiencies or parents who are too inconsistent in the application.
My mom always said that being consistent early on was the key point and it was the most difficult part of parenting because you have to sacrifice of yourself and time upfront to be willing to follow through when needed. I think in today's harried world even though there are many more conveniences the parents are too distracted and are not following through early to start off on the right track.
Of course, there are those occasional demon seed spawn whom not much can help except outside influences like enduring law enforcement type situations as juveniles.
My how times have changed in 40 years! If I'd "backtalked" in such a way there would have been a good chance I'd been slapped for my insolence! Certainly it wouldn't have passed with just an explanation of why it'd be a good idea that I do it! I'd have been punished with extra chores to do.
I was expected to do things when they needed to be done and WITHOUT being asked first. There were no "please do this" or "thanks for helping". ....whatever....
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Where is child protective services when you need them?
