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Hello, I need some advice. My mother in law is helping to raise her 6 year old great-granddaughter because her parents are in jail. The child is living with my MIL, and her grandmother is staying there too. MIL is almost 80, but has taken the girl in since she has nowhere else to go.
The girl is very smart, and has been through a lot in her short life. She adores her grandmother, but treats my MIL very badly. She says horrible things to her, and covers her ears when MIL tries to talk to her. We recently moved down the street from them, and I have become close to the little girl. My MIL has asked me to try to find out why the girl dislikes her so much. If she would talk to anyone, it would be me.
How do I go about talking to the girl about it? It breaks my heart, and everyone else's, that she is so mean to my MIL. What is a good way to get her to open up? The kid has anger issues, and hits and bites herself when she gets in trouble, no doubt because of seeing her parents beat on each other. She is not a bad kid, she is just horrible to my MIL.
Any advice would be appreciated. It is hard enough for my MIL to be raising a 6 year old, let alone being disrespected and treated badly.
Hello, I need some advice. My mother in law is helping to raise her 6 year old great-granddaughter because her parents are in jail. The child is living with my MIL, and her grandmother is staying there too. MIL is almost 80, but has taken the girl in since she has nowhere else to go.
The girl is very smart, and has been through a lot in her short life. She adores her grandmother, but treats my MIL very badly. She says horrible things to her, and covers her ears when MIL tries to talk to her. We recently moved down the street from them, and I have become close to the little girl. My MIL has asked me to try to find out why the girl dislikes her so much. If she would talk to anyone, it would be me.
How do I go about talking to the girl about it? It breaks my heart, and everyone else's, that she is so mean to my MIL. What is a good way to get her to open up? The kid has anger issues, and hits and bites herself when she gets in trouble, no doubt because of seeing her parents beat on each other. She is not a bad kid, she is just horrible to my MIL.
Any advice would be appreciated. It is hard enough for my MIL to be raising a 6 year old, let alone being disrespected and treated badly.
This is a question for her mental health care team.
Yes, please take the child to a therapist. She may not be able to tell you why she acts this way. She may not understand it herself and it is likely very complex. Poor kid...
Definitely have her go to a therapist if she is not already. She may resent great grandma for being the 'new authority'. A child that young it is hard to get the truth of what is going on is such a difficult situation.
She probably doesn't even know she's "being mean" to Grandma. All the adults are framing it from that perspective, which sure places a lot of blame and guilt in her lap, but I'm betting that's not HER perspective.
Lord knows what this child has been through. Get her doctor to recommend a counselor ASAP.
Why not just sit the little girl down and ask "Why are you so mean to your great grandmother? Why can't you appreciate what she is trying to do for you?"
It has been my experience (raised 5 kids) that 6 year olds are not as out of touch with themselves as some would like to think. Be prepared to get an earful if the kid decides to open up!
She probably does need a therapist. Her grandmother might not realize that's a normal and acceptable thing now...my mom is of the generation that believes if you have any kind of mental health care, you'll never be able to find a job. It's possible that the girl's grandma feels like that.
If she needs help finding affordable counseling, calling 211 would probably be a good start.
Wow. To get someone who is willing and able to care for this child, it is necessary to go back to the great grandmother? Mom's in jail? Grandma lives with great Grandma, but isn't the one responsible for the child? The last time I saw this, everyone in the parents and grandparents generation was either on drugs or had significant criminal history, so they had to go back to the great grandparent to find a safe place for the child.
I agree with therapy for the kid. Maybe great Grandma's age, and possible age related hygiene issues, are off-putting to the child? Is great Grandma being a stern disciplinarian with her, possibly thinking that she is going to "nip in the bud" whatever went wrong in the rearing of the mother?
Isn't there anyone younger who is competent and able to raise this girl? 80 is too old to be taking on a disturbed, angry 6 yr old.
Hello, I need some advice. My mother in law is helping to raise her 6 year old great-granddaughter because her parents are in jail. The child is living with my MIL, and her grandmother is staying there too. MIL is almost 80, but has taken the girl in since she has nowhere else to go.
The girl is very smart, and has been through a lot in her short life. She adores her grandmother, but treats my MIL very badly. She says horrible things to her, and covers her ears when MIL tries to talk to her. We recently moved down the street from them, and I have become close to the little girl. My MIL has asked me to try to find out why the girl dislikes her so much. If she would talk to anyone, it would be me.
How do I go about talking to the girl about it? It breaks my heart, and everyone else's, that she is so mean to my MIL. What is a good way to get her to open up? The kid has anger issues, and hits and bites herself when she gets in trouble, no doubt because of seeing her parents beat on each other. She is not a bad kid, she is just horrible to my MIL.
Any advice would be appreciated. It is hard enough for my MIL to be raising a 6 year old, let alone being disrespected and treated badly.
Well, before you let someone talk you into getting mental health assistance- and possibly landing her on medications for some kind of 'behavioral disorder,' a wiser step is to consider the bolded part above.
She probably misses her parents, wants them back, and doesn't understand why she has to be with these other folks instead.
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