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Never send food back at a lower priced marginal chain place especially. If you must send food back, be super extra polite. If she didn't spit in this lady's food, someone else eventually would have.
Not sticking up for what your daughter did, but she is just a "dumb" (not that she's extra dumb, just all teens are dumb in general) teenager and I don't think she's destined for a lifetime of criminal activity, just from this incident.
I don't think grounding is that effective for behavioral changes at 17, but that's just me. I also don't think calling her manager would be good, because that could damper her chances of getting her next job. Not that she deserves the next job, but you are her mom. I'd talk to her, let her know how you feel and make her resign and find a job in retail or something instead. Explain to her how important schooling is so she doesn't have to deal with low end jobs her whole life. Just my $.02.
This is a character problem. Calling her manager will only stop her from doing this at her current job. If she continues this kind of crap, she will be in jail one day.
How did she get to be 17 years old and think this is in any way OK???
I have raised her as a single mother since she was 6 and have always given her discipline and structure, made her do chores, work for what she has etc. I certainly would never do this, or anything like it. She will be turning 18 in March so it's not as if I have much time to force her under my rules, at least so long as she lives with me.
Carefully and thoroughly look up ever legal charge she could face if the most aggressive District Attorney in your locale decided to throw the book at her. City, county, and state.
This was not just food tampering, but food tampering with hazardous bio waste. Look up mishandling of dangerous bio waste and any applicable charges.
Print these things out: statutes and maximum sentences.
"Sentence" her to her room, school and nowhere else for that time period. Strip her room of all luxuries and entertainments. Pick out five very plain, modest outfits, put them in her closet and remove everything else. No entertainment. School books only. Plus a weekly selection of books you bring home for her from the public library.
Lockdown.
Of course she must lose the job. She is a hazard to the general public!
You can call the manager to accomplish this. Or better yet, you oversee her making the call.
If she drives, take her car keys.
Take her cell phone and laptop. Any schoolwork on the computer must be done in the living room, where you and others can observe. Nothing but schoolwork only.
School, homework, chores, plain modest clothes, a few edifying books of your choice.
She can earn some few extremely small privileges for abiding by your rules, like any convict.
But make her serve out the full maximum of her "sentence" for what was a very real crime.
The problem are those who would throw their own kin and their own blood under the bus for the sake of some strange jerkModerator cut: delete.
So, Mom doesn't do anything. Daughter gets caught the next time. Customer presses charges ( I would too). Now Mom has to worry about paying a lawyer, a possible jail sentence for her daughter, and a completely screwed up future, that was entirely preventable.
Mom needs to act, now. The job must go.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 12-05-2015 at 04:17 PM..
As a single mom, you probably don't have time to be a jailer for your child. Her income might also be necessary, at least to pay for her extras.
I wouldn't call her manager. Just look up what kind of legal trouble she could get into, and let her know there could be consequences for her actions. I'm sure she's imitating what she's seen older coworkers do or videos on YouTube from disgruntled restaurant workers. It doesn't make it right, but once she realizes that it's not a joke and that there can be consequences, she'll probably stop.
Also, some kids don't tell the truth...she might have been lying to impress her friend, or telling a story about what she wished she had done rather to the rude customer.
I think it would be helpful to try to focus on what is going to have the most effective chance of impacting her future behavior. She can't undo what she did, so you need to think about what sort of response from you could help make this a teachable moment for her.
You say you confronted her and you grounded her, but did you actually have a discussion with her about why what she did was wrong and what the consequences could be if she were caught. Teenagers can tend to be shortsighted. She may very well see it as just spit and only kinda gross and not understand that it's actually considered assault, and the fact that she tampered with someone's food can be charged as a felony.
Not a parent yet, but grounding at age 17 isn't going to be much of an educational tool or a deterrent. It could be helpful if your parenting took on a more mentorship appearance. She's already her own person, you're job now would be more to guide and teach her how to be her own person and remain successful in this world and less about punishing out undesirable personality traits.
If your daughter has a trait where she thinks people should be punished or brought to justice for their misactions (the part where you said she likes to 'pay back' people), then maybe working with her to help find more positive forms of 'pay back'. Instead of spitting in a horribly rude customer's food (something the customer might not even find out about, but if she does could likely result in serious criminal charges), help your daughter brainstorm sickly sweet responses she can give to shame the customer for having been so rude. Something along the lines of, "Ma'am, your pancakes are extremely important to me and while I understand your need to get out your frustrations, I'm so eager to get your food out to you that I simply must step away to get the kitchen to put a rush on it. I'm so glad you understand."
As a single mom, you probably don't have time to be a jailer for your child. Her income might also be necessary, at least to pay for her extras.
I wouldn't call her manager. Just look up what kind of legal trouble she could get into, and let her know there could be consequences for her actions. I'm sure she's imitating what she's seen older coworkers do or videos on YouTube from disgruntled restaurant workers. It doesn't make it right, but once she realizes that it's not a joke and that there can be consequences, she'll probably stop.
Also, some kids don't tell the truth...she might have been lying to impress her friend, or telling a story about what she wished she had done rather to the rude customer.
That's the real issue, I work all the time and can't look after her 24/7. I do like the idea of having her call her boss though.
I highly doubt she was making it up. The whole time she was talking, she was furious! I will take away her luxuries and drivers license.
When she makes the phone call to her manager -- which you will oversee -- it is up to you whether you make her admit she spat in a customer's food.
Pro arguments:
It is the plain truth ( and that's one hellacious pro argument)
It will make her put her actions into the light of day
Against arguments:
The restaraunt owner would then be compelled to call the health department and report the breach of food safety.
He could decide to press charges against your daughter ( hard to do, no evidence )
He could sue you for the cost to his business of any time shut down by the health department
Those are unlikely to happen, but are possible.
You might consider just instructing the daughter to state that she has proven herself not responsible enough to work at the job.
She must admit irresponsibility to him, not just "Bye, I quit"
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