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A local paper occasionally runs a column titled "Ask the Teacher" in which people write in school- and education-related questions. Naturally these are usually from parents asking about topics which impact their children. Today a parent wrote in to complain that a teacher "with no children of her own" criticized her parenting of her twins. She added, "I am furious that a childless woman would criticize someone for being a mother."
The columnist's response lambasted this parent: "I was wondering if you saw your words in print if you might be able to see how unkind you are being in your reaction. You call this person 'childless.' That is quite an insult. ...It sounds like you are calling her names because you feel attacked."
The response said nothing about whether what the teacher said was or was not appropriate. I'm not too surprised at that because this columnist tends to side with teachers in almost all circumstances. What baffled me was the statement that calling someone "childless" is an insult. It may not always be the most tactful thing to say, especially directly to someone, but in reporting a situation to a third person, is this really a non-PC word? Please enlighten me.
"Childless" sounds like a person is missing something. Think jobless, homeless. Some people don't want children. Others may want them but don't have them for one reason or another.
I've heard the term "childfree" used by the former group, and simply "no children" by the latter.
Advertisers figured this out long ago, No more "sugarless" gum, it's "sugar free."
I think it depends on the circumstance. Describing someone without children as "childless" is an accurate and truthful statement. It is just describing a person's parental state. I think in this instance I can see it as insulting, because the mom is implying that the teacher is ignorant because she is not a mom herself. (Though an elementary school teacher, kids or not, is experienced with discipline.) I think the mom got offended because the teacher made a suggestion, so she is trying to make the teacher look like she doesn't know what she's talking about.
Now, if I were the teacher in this scenario, I would just laugh at the attempt to degrade my knowledge, because even though I may not have my own children, disciplining is part of the job and I would have experience with all types of children and may know something the mom might not. Delivery is important though. If the teacher did so in a disrespectful way, then she is in the wrong too.
Yes, "childless" does have the connotation that it's preferable to have children....and "childfree" implies that it's preferable not to have children. But I would not have considered "childless" to be an insult, particularly if used to refer to a third party who is not even there. I was puzzled that the columnist in this case completely ignored the fact that the parent thought the teacher was out of place in criticizing her parenting, and instead focused totally on how "unkind" she was to use such a terrible word.
It just occurred to me that now that people are slowly becoming aware that it's not necessarily a good thing for food to have its natural oils removed, perhaps the term "fat free" will drop out of favor. Funny too that I've never heard "homefree" substituted for "homeless," though there surely are people who are happy not to be tied down to one place.
It's obvious the person asking the question of the columnist INTENDED it as an insult in order to discount the teacher's ability to critique her parenting.
So, it sounds like what you are all saying is that it was insulting to refer in any way to the fact that the teacher is not a parent. It's not the word "childless" that is so bad in itself, but the fact that it is offensive to imply that a person without children should not be giving advice to a parent.
...Right?
The column actually ended with the words, "You might want to practice being kind to others no matter what they do to you." This led me to believe that what was unkind was the actual phraseology.
So, it sounds like what you are all saying is that it was insulting to refer in any way to the fact that the teacher is not a parent. It's not the word "childless" that is so bad in itself, but the fact that it is offensive to imply that a person without children should not be giving advice to a parent.
...Right?
The column actually ended with the words, "You might want to practice being kind to others no matter what they do to you." This led me to believe that what was unkind was the actual phraseology.
Well, that last line was a little to Church Ladyish for me.
Either way, the word "childless" in and of itself isn't insulting. It's the connotation that gives it more than its literal meaning.
I think pointing out a person who works with children and doesn't have their own, there by undermining their ability to assess a situation or offer suggestions is an insult. No matter how you put it. I think "childless" has negative connotations.
However, I absolutely admit to weighing the advice, critique, etc. of someone who works with my children against if they have kids, how many they have, if they personally have struggles with their kids and how much time they spend with them. I just don't say it out loud.
One woman who worked with kids told me "I was a perfect mom....until I actually became one". Most people who I have met who works with kids but doesn't have them has a good deal of humility. A couple people I have worked with had kids and was sure their **** didn't stink.
OMG it reminds me of a doctor I took my kids to. She was super critical about the types and amounts of veggies my kids ate. She didn't include any fruit, corn, peas, carrots. Basically she told me I sucked as a mom. She was so judgmental. My kids even hated her. She told me she has 4 kids and They all eat kale. Ok, fine. So the next time I come in to an appointment she is running late. And her nurse totally gave me too much information. The doctors nanny quit because she had to work so much. She even went off about how this doc rarely saw her kids in the week day because she was so busy growing her business and would come home after they went to bed. She also went back to work when her kids were each 2 weeks old. I dismissed her bragging kale remark. Yeah some kids eat kale...but she didn't have enough parenting experience to judge me. I switched to a ped who was awesome. She worked 3 loooong days a week but spent 4 raising her kids. I took all her advice and she never judged me.
A local paper occasionally runs a column titled "Ask the Teacher" in which people write in school- and education-related questions. Naturally these are usually from parents asking about topics which impact their children. Today a parent wrote in to complain that a teacher "with no children of her own" criticized her parenting of her twins. She added, "I am furious that a childless woman would criticize someone for being a mother."
The columnist's response lambasted this parent: "I was wondering if you saw your words in print if you might be able to see how unkind you are being in your reaction. You call this person 'childless.' That is quite an insult. ...It sounds like you are calling her names because you feel attacked."
The response said nothing about whether what the teacher said was or was not appropriate. I'm not too surprised at that because this columnist tends to side with teachers in almost all circumstances. What baffled me was the statement that calling someone "childless" is an insult. It may not always be the most tactful thing to say, especially directly to someone, but in reporting a situation to a third person, is this really a non-PC word? Please enlighten me.
I wouldn't consider it exactly an "insult", an ad hominem attack would be a better way of describing the use of the word here.
You don't have a child. You are childless. Same as if you don't have a home or a job you are homeless or jobless.
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