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We all know children break rules from time to time. When parents find out their reactions vary. Sometimes, depending on what rule a child breaks and to what severity the parents might go completely off the wall but the fact of the matter is, when children break rules and the parents find out the parents impose consequences of some sort. That is, if the parents find out at the time.
Lets say the parents don't find out at the time but much later on. When children break certain rules and get away with certain stuff sometimes the parents do find out much later on when the children are all grown up, often from the children themselves. When a child is grown up they will sometimes tell their parents about stuff they did when they were younger that they weren't supposed to do that the parents didn't find out about. At that point the parents don't make a big deal about it. But had the parents found out about a child breaking rules at the time, usually they do make a big deal about it or they have a reaction which involves imposing consequences of some sort. I find it a bit interesting.
We all know children break rules from time to time. When parents find out their reactions vary. Sometimes, depending on what rule a child breaks and to what severity the parents might go completely off the wall but the fact of the matter is, when children break rules and the parents find out the parents impose consequences of some sort. That is, if the parents find out at the time.
Lets say the parents don't find out at the time but much later on. When children break certain rules and get away with certain stuff sometimes the parents do find out much later on when the children are all grown up, often from the children themselves. When a child is grown up they will sometimes tell their parents about stuff they did when they were younger that they weren't supposed to do that the parents didn't find out about. At that point the parents don't make a big deal about it. But had the parents found out about a child breaking rules at the time, usually they do make a big deal about it or they have a reaction which involves imposing consequences of some sort. I find it a bit interesting.
One of the jobs of parents is to set limits, boundaries, and consequences for their children as they are growing up. Once the children are adults, that job is pretty much over. Anything that was "gotten away with" no longer matters once the children are adults.
Once kids are adults, any limits than parents have to set would be in regards to their own personal boundaries with their adult kids. So, while it would no longer be relevant that a teenage might have snuck into his parents bedroom and stolen $50.00 that his parent never missed, it would be very relevant if the adult child had recently broken into his parents' house and stolen $50.00.
Do you think parents should be punishing adult children for breaking rules 5, 10, 20 years prior?
Well the fact of the matter is they can't. It doesn't matter whether or not somebody thinks parents should punish grown up children for rules they broke years ago, at that point parents simply aren't in the position to punish for stuff like that.
I havent told my parents about things I may have done because it doesnt matter after this long.
As a parent, My children do things and there have been days to even a week later we found out and they were still punished as if it was moments earlier.
Im not sure the point of your post since there wasnt a question.
Once kids are adults, any limits than parents have to set would be in regards to their own personal boundaries with their adult kids. So, while it would no longer be relevant that a teenage might have snuck into his parents bedroom and stolen $50.00 that his parent never missed, it would be very relevant if the adult child had recently broken into his parents' house and stolen $50.00.
Well I would still want the $50 back if I had found out a child had stolen that from me years back and I think an honest child would pay it back but aside from that, I also think parents should pick their battles wisely or else they will lose the war. Stealing is illegal and it makes sense for parents to not want their teenage children to steal from them or anyone else. I can certainly see why parents wouldn't want their children to do anything that's against the law but when they come up with ridiculous rules such as what movies their children should watch or shouldn't watch that is going to far. Not only are such rules absurd and a violation of freedom, they're also very hard if not impossible to enforce.
Well the fact of the matter is they can't. It doesn't matter whether or not somebody thinks parents should punish grown up children for rules they broke years ago, at that point parents simply aren't in the position to punish for stuff like that.
So what is it that you find interesting about this? When they are children, the parents are in a position if authority. It is their job to teach right from wrong. Not so once the child is an adult. What other possible scenario would there be?
Well I would still want the $50 back if I had found out a child had stolen that from me years back and I think an honest child would pay it back but aside from that, I also think parents should pick their battles wisely or else they will lose the war. Stealing is illegal and it makes sense for parents to not want their teenage children to steal from them or anyone else. I can certainly see why parents wouldn't want their children to do anything that's against the law but when they come up with ridiculous rules such as what movies their children should watch or shouldn't watch that is going to far. Not only are such rules absurd and a violation of freedom, they're also very hard if not impossible to enforce.
It's funny that you think we'll believe that you're an adult.
but when they come up with ridiculous rules such as what movies their children should watch or shouldn't watch that is going to far. Not only are such rules absurd and a violation of freedom, they're also very hard if not impossible to enforce.
Not true in the slightest.
How i parent has no effect on you using your example since we do live and parent that way. I choose to monitor what they watch because it impacts their decisions and behavior, sometimes not in a good way. They are children, they dont understand like an adult does ( though mine do understand some of it). It is entirely possible to enforce and we do at friends houses and even grandma. My children know how to say NO, they cant listen or watch something.
I tell my children what to wear and watch/listen to. Im NOT a bad parent because of it, if anything im a good parent because at least unlike some parents these days, im taking an interest and giving a crap.
A parent's job is to teach. A parent gives "simulated" consequences to their child, not to exact revenge on the child who did wrong, but to teach the child how to cope in a world of natural consequences.
Once my child is an adult, they likely have already learned the lesson they needed to learn. If not, then I have a very limited capacity to try and teach it with simulated consequences, unless I am providing something that my child needs, like college tuition or a place to live. Otherwise all I can do is provide advice, and hope my child will take it. If he doesn't, then he will experience the "real" consequences in the real world, that I as a parent will no longer be able to shield him from.
As a child, a parent delivers consequences for bad choices. As an adult, LIFE delivers consequences for bad choices.
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