Have you achieved more than your parents? (babysitter, lawsuit, divorce)

[stellastar2345]

I grew up with parents who always told me that a child should exceed their parents financially.

While I am relatively young (early 20's), I probably will never accomplish more than my father. He grew up poor in a third world country and now is a high level manager at a fortune 500- Net worth of several million and in the top 1℅ of incomes. He got his masters degree from MIT as well. My mom isn't really as accomplished (nurse), but their marriage is very traditional. She was pretty and from a good family. Her job was to keep the family together.

I went to a local state college (UGA), majored in CS and now make 70k. My dad's first salary was more than mine (despite inflation). I really don't see how I can exceed my father.

My dad doesn't say much to me other than it's alright because he'll leave me money, and that girls typically don't accomplish too much. He also says I should be good looking enough to snag a good guy so it'll work out, lol.


How have you fared?

[Kibbiekat]

Originally Posted by stellastar2345

I grew up with parents who always told me that a child should exceed their parents financially.

While I am relatively young (early 20's), I probably will never accomplish more than my father. He grew up poor in a third world country and now is a high level manager at a fortune 500- Net worth of several million and in the top 1℅ of incomes. He got his masters degree from MIT as well. My mom isn't really as accomplished (nurse), but their marriage is very traditional. She was pretty and from a good family. Her job was to keep the family together.

I went to a local state college (UGA), majored in CS and now make 70k. My dad's first salary was more than mine (despite inflation). I really don't see how I can exceed my father.


How have fared?

I've never heard it put that way ("should"). I've always heard parents WANT their children to do better than they did. I think that mostly applies to lower and middle income families.

With the unusual financial success of your father, I think it was kind of crappy for him to tell you he expects you to exceed that.

I have basically done as well as my parents, not better. My husband has an advanced degree that neither of my parents had. He is doing as well as my parents or his, maybe just slightly better.

These days, the reality is that my kids are going to have a tougher time making it than I did. The COL is generally higher than it used to be. It will be harder for them to buy a house. One of them has a learning disability that might make life more difficult for him. I just want them to find a career that they can live on and that they enjoy, and to find a partner to share their life with.

I've told them they don't have to be rich, but they really don't want to be poor.

[maciesmom]

Originally Posted by stellastar2345

I grew up with parents who always told me that a child should exceed their parents financially.

While I am relatively young (early 20's), I probably will never accomplish more than my father. He grew up poor in a third world country and now is a high level manager at a fortune 500- Net worth of several million and in the top 1℅ of incomes. He got his masters degree from MIT as well. My mom isn't really as accomplished (nurse), but their marriage is very traditional. She was pretty and from a good family. Her job was to keep the family together.

I went to a local state college (UGA), majored in CS and now make 70k. My dad's first salary was more than mine (despite inflation). I really don't see how I can exceed my father.


How have you fared?

Perhaps your parents should have spent some additional time focusing on and developing positive character traits. You seem to spend an inordinate amount of time bragging (or humblebragging) about your salary and finances to complete strangers on the internet.

[Stagemomma]

Meh...times change. My mom rose in class due to education and intelligence. My father's family has fallen a long way from being political movers and shakers in the country's early history. They were definitely not given mandates for success, my dad had to join ROTC to pay for college due to his dad's disability. We were expected to go to college but not given much pressure beyond that. We have followed dads footsteps and work for the government. So we have work that is satisfying, a clear ladder to climb and a pension that is relatively secure. No one is pressuring the next generation. They are just kind of finding their own way.

Your father sounds like a super-star exception to the rule...people rarely break out of the class that they are born in to.

I would never use the yardstick you are using to define my 'success'. Do you enjoy your work? Are your financial needs met? Do you have a good work-life balance?

If your father is holding you to this belief that you should exceed him, who does he want you to be? Donald Trump? Oprah? I hope the only one chastising you for not being a 1%er is you!

[Stagemomma]

Also, I have worked with poor families who did not want their children to 'succeed'. If they did, it would indicate that they should have done more for themselves. A successful child would look down on them. Very sad.

[gamebird98]

My wife and I hope for our daughter to be more successful all of the time. We do all we can to set her up for success ....it just seems that now day kids want to only do "just enough" to get by. My wife and I came from somewhat poor families and have worked very hard to achieve where we are today.

[Hedgehog_Mom]

I have less money than my parents and it doesn't bother me. Money doesn't guarantee happiness.

My mom never wanted me to do better than her in anything. She actually never wanted me to move out of her house because she didn't want to lose her free cook, maid and babysitter. During times when my husband and I were really struggling to provide for our kids, she made things worse for us whenever she could. Now things are more stable for us and it irritates her.

Ask yourself if your dad really wants you to do well for your own happiness or if he just wants to be able to brag about your success to add to his own sense of importance.

[Mattie]

This seems like a strange question to ask on a forum where so many are still raising children. Even if the kids are older, it remains to be seen how they will do financially over the course of a working lifetime, which is really more telling than what a kid makes out of college.

And money isn't the end-all mark of success for some of us that you make it out to be.

[rrah]

I also think that success is defined by more than one's personal finances or professional achievements.

That said, to answer your question--Yes, my husband and I are both more financially successful than our parents. The biggest factor for that is that we both have undergraduate and graduate degrees. None of our parents attended college.

Our children are college educated although neither currently have graduate degrees. Because they are both in computer programming related professions, it's not really necessary for them. I do hope they will pursue additional degrees though. Both are far more financially successful at a much younger age than me and my husband. Our daughter out earned me last year. Our son, in his first year of working, came very close. Throwing in some bonuses he earned he also probably out earned me last year. One reason they are better off financially is that my husband and I worked to make sure they did not have student loan debt and were set up to start their "adult" lives in a better financial position. They helped with this by working a bit during college and earning academic scholarships.

Another one of the reasons for their better position is that we are in different fields. My profession tends to be lower paying than computer programming type fields.

They are more successful than us in other ways related to outside interests and life balance.

[maciesmom]

Here's something else to consider OP. At this point in your life, you haven't accomplished all that much. It's much too early to say what your accomplishments will be, financially or otherwise. Right now, as far as I can tell your accomplishments amount to having the good sense to take advantage of what has been completely provided to you by benefit of your parent's accomplishments. You graduated a good college, with a marketable degree, got a job and purchased a condo. Your parents completely paid for your education, allowing you to save your money. The job you have, you've described as relatively easy for you (you're not really pushing yourself) and you have indicated you will probably stay there your career (if I recall) and aren't willing to take a risk and leave the comfort you've created to achieve more (both financially and otherwise). You are however, content to complain about what you don't have - or feel were cheated out of.

I can't help but also take issue with your minimizing your mother's accomplishments. I'm guessing that much of what she did enabled your father to get where he was. And you to get where you are.

Speaking as both a child and a parent of young adults, I can confidently say that accomplishment is rarely a static thing. Particularly financially speaking. Money comes and goes, much more so than you can imagine at this point in your life. Markets crash, illness, divorce, lawsuits...all kinds of things can happen that can change your life very drastically. Aim for more. Aim to make your achievements and accomplishments things that are more far-reaching than just money. Innovations, discoveries, societal contributions and children well-brought up come to mind.