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Long story short. there are two 6yo boys who have been good friends for over a year. Moms became friends too and often would hang out together with their kids, even went on overnight trips.
There didn't seem to be any major issues, until recently.
Here's what happened:
1) kid A hits kid B with foam nunchucks (sp?). Kid B doesn't say anything but later complains to mom. Kid A is given a talk and told next time he would be punished
2) Kid A hits Kid B with a plastic sword. Kid A is punished and given another talk.
3) Kid A throws a cardboard box at Kid B's little sister as she accidentally dropped this box on his Lego creation. He is punished and playdates are put on hold.
All three episodes are just weird. It's just not something kid A would normally do judging by the friendship of 1 year. When hitting Kid B, he wasn't mad or anything. He couldn't provide explanation of why he hit.
My questions are: how to proceed with this? How would you approach kid A if you were his parent? and what would you do if you were kid B's parent? Do these instances of hitting call for cancelling of playdates altogether or should kid A be given a chance?
A bit of background: kid B is very kind and gentle - and mom B is very protective, upset that her kid will not stand up for himself. Kid A is impulsive and somewhat high strung, and Family A's parenting is less strict than Family B's. Kid A didn't have any major discipline problems that I am aware of.
My understanding is that you are "supposed" to hit with foam nun-chucks. I mean that's what they are for, right? Lol.
OP, all of these things are very minor. However it is important how you handle them. As soon as an incident occurs, make the hitting kid give a sincere apology to the kid he hit. Then make the other kid say I forgive you. Then have them hug. If the hitter will not apologize, or if he hits again on purpose, then put him in time out. Yes during the play date. I have given my kids' friends timeouts before (with their parent's permission).
Don't cancel the play dates, that doesn't teach them anything. Keep doing the play dates but actively teach the kids how to play with each other respectfully.
Full disclosure: I am mom A, and I also see it as a minor issue (though yes my kid is guilty). but Mom B is using phrases like " I need to protect my kids" and " what if next time he hits harder".
I am in no position to tell her to relax, but I don't think my son deserves to be seen as some potential serious threat. So my question is whether I am too lenient as a parent or is the other mom prone to overreaction and overprotection?
Long story short. there are two 6yo boys who have been good friends for over a year. Moms became friends too and often would hang out together with their kids, even went on overnight trips.
There didn't seem to be any major issues, until recently.
Here's what happened:
1) kid A hits kid B with foam nunchucks (sp?). Kid B doesn't say anything but later complains to mom. Kid A is given a talk and told next time he would be punished
2) Kid A hits Kid B with a plastic sword. Kid A is punished and given another talk.
3) Kid A throws a cardboard box at Kid B's little sister as she accidentally dropped this box on his Lego creation. He is punished and playdates are put on hold.
All three episodes are just weird. It's just not something kid A would normally do judging by the friendship of 1 year. When hitting Kid B, he wasn't mad or anything. He couldn't provide explanation of why he hit.
My questions are: how to proceed with this? How would you approach kid A if you were his parent? and what would you do if you were kid B's parent? Do these instances of hitting call for cancelling of playdates altogether or should kid A be given a chance?
A bit of background: kid B is very kind and gentle - and mom B is very protective, upset that her kid will not stand up for himself. Kid A is impulsive and somewhat high strung, and Family A's parenting is less strict than Family B's. Kid A didn't have any major discipline problems that I am aware of.
No's 1 and 2 are silly and shouldn't have resulted in punishment for anyone. If kids want to play swords or nunchucks, getting hit is part of the game. I would have told kid B then he and A shouldn't play that game. It's like when my son came up to me and said that a friend had hit him. Except I'd been watching them, and they'd been hitting each other. It was called "the hitting game." I told son if he wants to play "the hitting game" then he can't complain when he gets hit.
No. 3 sounds a little worse and merited a warning. Did he throw it at her on purpose? Was he angry? If so, I would have explained that being angry and speaking up is OK, but if we throw things then we can't have playdates.
Hopefully the parent actually saw this happen - my son has a friend who constantly whines about being hit, but he will do that even if someone walks by and accidentally brushes lightly against him.
I don't understand why the mom of the other kid is upset. The boys are playing with toys that you fight with. If she gets upset by that the rule should be no playing with similar toys.
What did your son say when you talked? Was he confused as to why he was in trouble? Was he hitting hard?
I would let the friendship cool for now. It sounds as if either the mother is upset about something else and using this as an excuse, or very overprotective.
Kid A sounds more active than Kid B. He just wants to play. Roughhousing is normal, don't be too hard on him. Maybe roughhouse with him yourself and then when the playdates continue (if they do) explain that kid B doesn't like horseplay, he likes quieter things. Now kid A gets his rough play out of they way and he can still continue to play with the reserved one.
Don't worry, i have a kid B who plays with a kid A and i tell my kid to get over it. He's playing. If he whacks you with a sword grab the other one and whack him back.
One side note, when I was young, me and my cousin had light sabers, i think they were cheaper ones i dunno, but we would whack eachother with them but they could always collapse back into the handle they never stayed up, so we got the bright idea to throw the handles at eachother. He hit me in the face, i missed him and hit one of my grandmas 20 cats. After i cried and he laughed we decided not to do it again and ran outside to play after that.
Things happen, let it happen, if kid B really doesn't like getting whacked he'll say something eventually.
thank you everyone for your replies!
My husband thinks mom B is nuts and is punishing her own kid first and foremost, by not letting him problem solve (all he knows is being silent and then telling mom), and by ruining his friendships. He is in the camp of "just forget about that wacko mom".
My other very good friend thinks it is all work in progress and the other mom is way way too overprotective. Her advice is only to have playdates on the playground and curb the close friendship between moms - basically go back to playdate relationship.
What I hate is that I also go so riled up and I think I was too harsh on my kid, telling him that he would lose friendship if he goes on like that, etc. I don't want to instill guilt in him if it's the other mom who blows things out of proportion.
I don't understand why the mom of the other kid is upset. The boys are playing with toys that you fight with. If she gets upset by that the rule should be no playing with similar toys.
What did your son say when you talked? Was he confused as to why he was in trouble? Was he hitting hard?
I would let the friendship cool for now. It sounds as if either the mother is upset about something else and using this as an excuse, or very overprotective.
The (unspoken) rule was not to hit each other. They were fighting imaginary enemies and showing off. they could agree to be enemies but then no hitting hard. My kid hit too hard these two times.
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