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If a child (say in middle school) misbehaves in a way that does not impact you or your family, do you think it is your job to publically shame him by telling everyone about the child's misbehavior?
If not, why not?
Recently there was a situation in my community where an incident occurred at school, and a parent heard about the misbehavior and decided that she needed to inform the community about it. The story was bent from a particular angle, and shared among various gossipy members of the community who loved to hear the dirt about what inappropriate behavior children are up to these days.
I felt bad for those involved in the incident. The gossip was not productive (everybody claimed that it was "valuable information" but of course nobody could take any actions with the information they had) and I'm sure that it harmed the reputation of those involved.
At that point, I decided to exit that particular group as I do not need to hang out with those who have nothing better to do than to share dirt about children in the community.
If a child (say in middle school) misbehaves in a way that does not impact you or your family, do you think it is your job to publically shame him by telling everyone about the child's misbehavior?
If not, why not?
Recently there was a situation in my community where an incident occurred at school, and a parent heard about the misbehavior and decided that she needed to inform the community about it. The story was bent from a particular angle, and shared among various gossipy members of the community who loved to hear the dirt about what inappropriate behavior children are up to these days.
I felt bad for those involved in the incident. The gossip was not productive (everybody claimed that it was "valuable information" but of course nobody could take any actions with the information they had) and I'm sure that it harmed the reputation of those involved.
At that point, I decided to exit that particular group as I do not need to hang out with those who have nothing better to do than to share dirt about children in the community.
Is it "your job"?
An adult spreads rumors about a child. That's really not anywhere in the job description of "adult." When we were kids, we used to say, "Mind your own beeswax."
At that point, I decided to exit that particular group as I do not need to hang out with those who have nothing better to do than to share dirt about children in the community.
Probably smart. People like that aren't going to limit themselves to gossiping just about children.
I'd say no. If it did not impact "you" directly, then it's inappropriate. Once something gets away from the original ones involved, things get skewed and facts distorted.
[quote=twoincomes;46625761]If a child (say in middle school) misbehaves in a way that does not impact you or your family, do you think it is your job to publically shame him by telling everyone about the child's misbehavior?
I'd be more inclined to shame the kid's parents for doing such a bad job of parenting.
If not, why not?
Bad parenting usually produces kids who behave badly.
I will sometimes intercede with another's child, when I think I can be helpful. Many times at the grocery store, the toddler in front of me is now tired and cranky and hungry and whining or crying. If I talk to the child, make faces, engage, the mother can focus on checking out and getting home, which is all the child wants. If my first attempts are met with anger from the parent I back off.
There was a time recently, again at the grocery store. 10/11 year old boy, obviously healthy, driving around the store in a motorized shopping cart, meant for disabled customers. Which on it's own would have been fine. But he was deliberately crashing into other people, other carts, and trying hard to run down his younger siblings. When his family got to the check out, minutes after I got on line, I saw he was with a grandmother and several other younger children. He continued to terrorize customers, employees and his siblings (or cousins, I'm not sure). The employees were all muttering to themselves, but no one would stop him. As i left the building, he came racing after me to try to hit me. I stopped dead and gave him the 'mom glare' (as my kids call it). And said "young man, that is not a toy. It is a tool for the use of those who cannot walk well enough to do their shopping without that tool. God blessed you with two good legs, start using them."
He laughed and ridiculed me, I ignored and continued to walk. I don't know if my words had any impact, but he did immediately put the cart back where it belonged.
If a child (say in middle school) misbehaves in a way that does not impact you or your family, do you think it is your job to publically shame him by telling everyone about the child's misbehavior?
If not, why not?
Recently there was a situation in my community where an incident occurred at school, and a parent heard about the misbehavior and decided that she needed to inform the community about it. The story was bent from a particular angle, and shared among various gossipy members of the community who loved to hear the dirt about what inappropriate behavior children are up to these days.
I felt bad for those involved in the incident. The gossip was not productive (everybody claimed that it was "valuable information" but of course nobody could take any actions with the information they had) and I'm sure that it harmed the reputation of those involved.
At that point, I decided to exit that particular group as I do not need to hang out with those who have nothing better to do than to share dirt about children in the community.
Not only would I not condone or participate, I would do everything I could to stop it.
You should have done more than passively stand by while an adult is doing this to a child. Actually....And I have done so....You should go to the child's parents and tell them what this adult is doing.
There was a teacher mistreating an adopted child, a fellow student in the class with my daughter. She told me how this child was being ridiculed and embarrassed constantly by their teacher during class....and to add this teacher was a nun in a Catholic school, and this was a child that wasn't Caucasian and had come from a third world country and had been adopted by a lovely family.
My daughter told me, and I called this Mom and told her. She came to my house in person to thank me after she went to the principle.
To this day this young man has been a friend of my daughters, and they are in their 40's.
Something similar happened at our school, the mom who decided to blast the kid wasn't involved in the situation and had no facts other than the one comment the original mom involved had given before taking her post down.
She was new to our neighborhood and to our school, so she gave us all a pretty bad first impression. Some of the language she chose was completely out of line.
She was the only one that this reflected badly on at the end of the day. Nobody remembers who the kid was but we all remember her. It does come back to haunt people later.
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