Wanting another baby, but NO! (childcare, teens, newborn, pregnancy)

[Whatsnext75]

So I have a son who will be 3 in May and a daughter who will be 10 months tomorrow. I'm 38, work full time, DH and I have a nice lifestyle, but hate how much childcare costs (we live in Boston, it's pricy here) I always thought I'd just want to 2 kids, I have a boy and a girl, but lately I've felt like, what if i want one more?? I am often tired with the 2 I have! Why would I even consider having another? I even look at other people who are my age or even a few years younger who've added a 3rd or even a fourth and I wonder what are they thinking? But again, then I feel like I dont know if I want to be done having children. Is it just normal for a woman to never want to be done having children? I guess I dont know many women who are absolutely done unless they are well into their 40's. Is the desire always there?

as i was saying I know a few people who recently became pregnant in their late 30's who already had 2 or 3 kids who are over 5, yet under 10 and I was surprised. People definitely have kids later in life, i guess this is the new norm. I think I'd feel like I was drowning if I added another child within the next few years, but that would be my only opportunity. I would not want a baby over 40.

I'm just curious to hear from people who have more than 2 kids...were you already tired with 2 kids? Working with 2 kids? I feel sad thinking i'm done having babies...but I also feel it would be selfish to have another just because I have an urge to have one...? it's so hard to explain. I have a boy and a girl, they keep me plenty busy. I also want some time for myself but I dont even get that now except an hour or so at night. Babies just grow up too fast

[GraceKrispy]

I had 3 kids in 3 years (my third was born the day after my oldest's 3rd birthday). They are all 18 months apart, so I was pregnant around 9months each time. While pregnant with #3, I often though "why did I go for 3?? I'm exhausted and 2 was enough!" Of course, I love my third, but after she was born I definitely felt "done." I'm in my mid-40s now and my kids are all teens. I never considered (for more than a few minutes) having a fourth. I did feel done after 3. I didn't feel done after 2.

Life with kids 18 mo apart has had its own unique challenges and benefits. I wouldn't change it for the world!

[Whatsnext75]

Thanks that's good to hear. I guess to have any more one would have to have a lot of energy and just realize it really is all about the kids. I havent slept through the night since my son was born...but it's just become normal to me.

I just wish they stayed babies for longer is what it is i think. I feel like i just had my 10 month old last week and my 2.5 yr old a few months ago.

[HighFlyingBird]

I think the struggle to decide is really common. I know I still struggle with it. I know I have my hands full and another would be a mistake. But...being done is a sad feeling. I talked to several woman who are now grandparents and they said they felt the same way.

[Riley09swb]

I have two kids 16 months apart and that was enough for me. I think my husband would have liked a 3rd but I did not. I work full time and I did a majority of the work/parenting and still am to be honest. They are 7/9.

A friend of ours had a baby yesterday and she will be 41 this year. She also has an 11 year old. We also have another friend that had two boys about 16/17 months apart and she was 41/42. They are now 10/12. She also has a 25 year old. More power to them.

[saibot]

I have three kids, and when the third was born, I felt VERY done. I'm very happy with three, but never had even the least desire for a fourth! But I stayed home with my kids. I actually can't imagine working full time and having two or three kids.

[germaine2626]

I think that it is common for women to regret when their "babies" start to grow older knowing that it will be that "last time" that certain events happen. The last time that you see your baby's first smile or see them take their first step. Taking your last child to his/her first day of kindergarten, etc.

[glamatomic]

I have a 3 year old, 2 year old and 1 year old (2 boys and a girl). There's 11 months separating my 2 and 3 year old and 14 months between my 1 and 2 year old.

For me, the pros of having 3 so close together outweigh the cons. It's doubtful we will have more children although I sometimes get baby fever again when I see a newborn! My body has definitely had enough of pregnancy though.

I honestly felt that transitioning from 1 child to 2 was harder than transitioning from 2 to 3. By the time my 3rd came along we were in a good routine which I didn't upend with her arrival, just amended to fit her into it.

[Whatsnext75]

i have heard that as well-that transitioning from 2 to 3 is easier than transitioning from 1 to 2. Our first was only 22 months when #2 came along...so it wasn't like we'd had one for all that long.. I was 35 when i had my first, my husband was almost 40. I've heard that one of things about having children a little older is that you have spent more of your life without children so it's harder to adjust. Aka, maybe i was more used to having time to myself and time to relax that i would have had i been 28, etc. I just know that i have those moments where i wake up on a saturday and i'm like, wow i'd love to just lay on the couch and watch tv all day, lol. Today at the park I met up with a girl grew up with who is a few years younger than me and she has FOUR kids. I also have friends who have no kids and aren't sure if they want any.

I guess to each their own. I cant imagine having no kids, but I also can't imagine having 4. I also feel that the world is overpopulated as it is and these days having more than 3 is kind of selfish. I'm sure that will be controversial to some, and people will say it's no one business how many kids someone has but the reality is that it's everyone's business as it's all of our planet.

[BirdieBelle]

Going from 2 to 3 was difficult in more difficult ways, if that makes sense.

A group of 4 is very easy to accommodate in many places ... in a sedan as opposed to a vehicle with a 3rd row, in a restaurant booth as opposed to a 4-top table with a chair on the end, in a motel room with two double beds. One parent can accompany one kid in a seat on an amusement park ride. In a 3BR house, two kids don't HAVE to share a room.

I didn't think about things like that when I only had 2.

As far as the world being overpopulated, I justify it by claiming that I'm doing my best to add smart, considerate people to that number instead of thoughtless idiots.