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Right many people do continue a career because they want to or have to. Most people dont need to ask about this on a forum. If you truly want a baby your career should be #2. The life of the baby is the most important and it won't matter how 'strong' your careers are. The vibe from your post was more of, well i want a baby but my career is so amazing so i cant commit full time to the kid.
Are you saying for BOTH parents their careers are #2 compared to the kid? Or what if Dad commits to the kid and his career is #2?
OP I would probably consider a nanny for the first year or 2, (not live in though). That would allow you to breast feed if you choose to do that and alleviate driving. But I agree it would be imperative to have a dedicated work area. By 2 I'd think a daycare setting would be preferable, and once school age, then maybe an au pair who can drive to activities that are after school but still during the work day.
OP, this^^ is my opinion as well, given the info you've provided.
I have have 4 children, and I have mostly stayed home, but in addition to my own experience I've observed many friends and family members juggle babies/work/home/childcare in an infinite variety of ways. No matter what you decide to do, keep this in mind: nothing is permanent, and you reserve the right to change your mind and change strategies as you see fit.
I wouldn't want a live-in nanny or au pair, especially if my DH and I both worked from home. But that simply comes down to personal preference. I would have a nanny come to my home daily, so that I could easily breastfeed every couple of hours (which I very much enjoyed after the first 6 weeks) This way I could spend any spare moments with the baby, and completely eliminate any commute. I would have a strong back up plan if the nanny was sick, late, wrecked her car, etc. I would have a dedicated office in the quietest part of the house. I would have strict office rules right off the bat (door open=come on in, door closed=only come in if it's an emergency, only knock if it's something urgent, otherwise text me; volume levels; etc etc.) Whatever works for your needs. This is will become your child's normal routine, so when they're older they'll know the rules without even thinking about them.
I would evaluate how well everything's going about every six months. After a while, if I felt like we needed to put the baby in a daycare facility, I would have a list of 2-3 close by that I already toured and liked (if not one clear favorite) and see which one had a spot available.
But best case scenario, imo, i would have the baby and nanny at my home until age 3 or so, and then I would start the child in a part time (3-4 hours a day, 3 days a week) preschool, and on those days I'd take the baby to school, nanny would pick her up. Nanny and child would be "home" the other days, but probably busy with activities (dance, swim, storytime, etc)
A completely different option would be to save $ and network like crazy for the next 3-5 years, plan to take 3+ off from work, but do consulting on the side to keep your contacts and foot in the door.
I personally wouldn't want a different person (Au pair) caring for my child every year. I wouldwant to find someone who would be caring for my child long term. it's not good for children to keep getting different caregivers.
Also in regards to Au Pairs.....My boss had one. He used a company to find one and she was AWFUL, actually he went through 4 before he said forget it and found a nanny form the U.S. Au Pairs are from other countries and typically are VERY young. They can barely speak English and most can't even drive. The one's they had refused to get up in the night with the baby, wouldn't stick to the feeding schedule they gave her and one even left with their vehicle for 2 days without asking! They couldn't just fire them either. They had to wait for the agency to find them somewhere else to go. So they were stuck with some of these girls for weeks still feeding them, etc. Ridiculous!
Unfortunately, there's no guarantee any caregiver is going to stick around (or that you're going to want/need them to stick around) long term.
I know many people who have had great experiences with au pairs, and many who've had awful experiences. Most au pairs I'm familiar with are very young (18-24) most drive (in fact some agreements require use of a car) and learning English is the primary reason they signed on with an au pair agency. Many families choose au pairs that speak a language they'd like their children to learn or at least be exposed to. There are strict au pair rules, and if I'm not mistaken, au pairs cannot be required to work days and nights. Your boss might have had unrealistic expectations of an au pair. Of course they can't "just fire them" since they signed a lengthy agreement to, like you said, house and feed a very young girl from a foreign country who barely speaks English.
I work from home and we just had our first. I can't comment on the budgeting as my wife took a temporary hiatus from her career (one she did well at but didn't really enjoy much). I can give some tips, though:
1. Look into soundproofing your home offices in some way. A crying (or cooing) baby can be hard to ignore, despite having someone else who has it under control.
2. When the child is old enough, if you have a nanny at your home, make sure that person is able to get the child out of the house for at least a few hours a few times a week. Even soundproofing can't beat the peace that comes without others in the home.
3. If you nanny isn't a live-in, you will want to consider a babysitter after a few months so you and your partner can get out. I'd discuss this before the birth just because it becomes harder to think clearly once your free time is consumed by the extra work you need to do around the house and in spending time with the child.
I have to disagree with all of the people on here who say this is a bad idea. I work a lot of hours when I am home (10-16 hour days have been the norm since my son was born) and travel 10+ days per month. But because I work at home, I have no commute. I get to have lunch with my wife and son, as well as breakfast and the occasional pop-in. I probably bond more with my son than most working parents despite the amount I travel and the number of hours I work. Parenting is different for everyone, and can be very rewarding if you approach it with a positive attitude.
I'm asking about childcare costs and best way to arrange that childcare if I'm working from home, not whether I should continue my career or not. I'm also trying to plan my finances around these decisions. Because these are important things that I have no experience with - and something I want to plan ahead for.
Sorry you seem to be interpreting all kinds of strange things about my life priorities from my post based on the "vibe" you're feeling.
I think it has more to do with how you said it in your original post...
Why do I have to cite that? I thought that was obvious, for people who are observant.
I've had friends go through this, and know historically when babies are raised by caring nannies, they prefer their caregiver. I know that daycare workers have a dilemma to contend with - they want to be a good caregiver, but if the baby bonds too closely parents get jealous and switch daycares.
But ok. It only took me 10 seconds to google a Forbes article that very clearly states this paradox:
An excerpt:
A lot of the relationships between mothers and caregivers in the book focus on jealousy over-attachment between the caregiver and the child. When an upset child reaches for a shadow mother over her real mother, what is the mother going through?
The moms went through a range of emotions. There’s a sense for most women that it hurts, that their first impulse was to always want to be the one their baby sought for comfort. That’s understandable.
I worked as a nanny one summer for summer people. By the end of the summer, the toddler was calling ME mommy, and when he was upset would run to ME despite the fact the his dad was right there. He ran PAST HIS DAD to get to me for comfort.
Pretty common sense stuff. Whoever spends majority of time caring, feeding and comforting the baby/toddler becomes the focus.
My guess would be a live-in nanny and an area specifically designated for "office" away from the main part of the house. Gee, kids sent to daycare get sick and then have to stay home. Caretakers that just come into the home don't always actually show up. If "hit and miss" can work on having a provider available, other options could be considered.
The ads I have read for working from home seem to specify a "quiet" location, even dogs that bark can become an issue. Just how professional of a feel does a child screaming "mommy" or "daddy" and/or a barking dog convey.
Advice not asked for: If I were 26 and debating over this, I would just go ahead and wait at least a couple of years before starting a family. There is plenty of time.
Get a Nanny, not a live in. I stopped reading this thread with the ridiculous posting about how a child might start to prefer a nanny. My god, people are so clueless. Absolute hogwash. We had a nanny for the first 3 years. My son loved her. But you know who he was absolutely mad crazy in love with? More than any other human? Momma. I was a close second. He is now 6 and we still meet her and her husband for dinner every few months. You would have to be one horrific hands off parent for your child to ever prefer a care giver over you.
Get one that will do light house work. Ours cleaned the main living areas (kitchen, living room) did the grocery shopping and towards the end even took it upon herself to do light laundry. Things like this gave us a huge amount of free time to spend on our child and a lot less stress. So worth the cost. We really miss her today and would have kept her around as a personal assistant if we could have. hahaha Ignore the ignorant (or jealous maybe) on here saying that a nanny may replace you. That might only happen if you're just a s*hit parent to begin with.
Get a Nanny, not a live in. I stopped reading this thread with the ridiculous posting about how a child might start to prefer a nanny. My god, people are so clueless. Absolute hogwash. We had a nanny for the first 3 years. My son loved her. But you know who he was absolutely mad crazy in love with? More than any other human? Momma. I was a close second. He is now 6 and we still meet her and her husband for dinner every few months. You would have to be one horrific hands off parent for your child to ever prefer a care giver over you.
Get one that will do light house work. Ours cleaned the main living areas (kitchen, living room) did the grocery shopping and towards the end even took it upon herself to do light laundry. Things like this gave us a huge amount of free time to spend on our child and a lot less stress. So worth the cost. We really miss her today and would have kept her around as a personal assistant if we could have. hahaha Ignore the ignorant (or jealous maybe) on here saying that a nanny may replace you. That might only happen if you're just a s*hit parent to begin with.
Yeah, we've had a nanny for 2 years, and my kids are THRILLED when I get home from work, or when my husband comes home early. And it's not because our nanny isn't great, she is! It's just because we're the parents, and we have a special bond with our kids. I've also never felt jealous of my nanny, ever. What an add dynamic. I can only assume that some parents don't have good bonds or are generally terrible parents to their child, if a temporary summer nanny is made to feel like she's preferred over the real parents.
Yeah, we've had a nanny for 2 years, and my kids are THRILLED when I get home from work, or when my husband comes home early. And it's not because our nanny isn't great, she is! It's just because we're the parents, and we have a special bond with our kids. I've also never felt jealous of my nanny, ever. What an add dynamic. I can only assume that some parents don't have good bonds or are generally terrible parents to their child, if a temporary summer nanny is made to feel like she's preferred over the real parents.
I believe some posters, in order to further their agenda of shaming working mothers, are conflating children who are in the habit of using the nanny when she's there and actually preferring the nanny. As for a young child occasionally calling the nanny "mommy"...eh. I sometimes accidentally call the dog by my kid's names and vice versa. It doesn't mean I'm confused about who is who.
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