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So I have noticed a theme that can be quite common. Parents are very harsh with the oldest but yet very babied with the youngest.
Parents get tired, and they relax their standards. I wouldn't call it "babied'; I'd call it relaxing one's standards. They pick their battles and let the rest go, something they most likely didn't know how to do with their oldest.
Yeah, the first kid gets all the micro management and parental anxiety about getting it right.
Later kids get less structure usually. By then parents start to lose this idea they can engineer the perfect kid. Plus more kids equal more work and the older one can sometimes end up getting assigned more responsibilities as parents look to spread around the workload.
Your example is extreme though.
I think it is this in combination with the fact that all of the things that parents are freaked out about with child one ended up not killing them. You realize that they're tougher than you thought, so there's less micro-managing of them because you realize that they will survive without hovering over them constantly.
So I have noticed a theme that can be quite common. Parents are very harsh with the oldest but yet very babied with the youngest. I am 30 and have a younger sister that's 21. Growing up my parents were very strict and I had to buy everything I wanted except for birthdays and christmas and was put to work all the time. If I did anything wrong I would get very harsh punishment, like grounding for months at a time.
My sister on the other hand has always been treated with kid gloves. For example, whereas I never got an allowance she has had one and has never had to do the kind of work as I did. When she graduated HS and went off to college parents bought her a $2,000 laptop, and paid for her tuition, which she ended up wasting by dropping out and moving back home after one semester. Then she got arrested for a DUI last year and not only was she bailed out but they paid all of her fines and a lawyer. She has never held an actual job before. I have never been in legal trouble but I guarantee at her age I would not have been bailed out, let alone had my fines paid. Hell, I even remember my parents telling me if I ever got arrested don't bother calling them.
They don't push her to get a job let alone pay rent and now has a record.
As a result she is very immature and is very lazy. She also has a new tablet and smart phone. Yet this kind of thing seems to be fairly common, any parents here explain? And if you have younger and older kids would you say you were a lot easier on the younger ones?
Maybe you exhausted your parents to the point they didn't have the energy to discipline your sister.
While my parents tried to treat us equally and fairly their financial situation changed dramatically from when they were newlyweds, with two young children, a very low income and a mortgage & many, many bills & expenses for their new business. My sister said that she remembers when she was a little girl literally searching couch cushions and drawers for pennies, nickles & dimes to be able to buy food and pay bills.
Forward to 15 plus years later when my parents had a much higher income and had zero debt because everything was paid off. Should our little brother have gone hungry to make it "fair" to his older siblings?
Life can change a lot from first born to last... see it all the time especially when there is a large time gap.
The younger ones can play off having older siblings too...
My little niece, the oldest of 3 was ALWAYS mature/responsible even as a toddler... she was the big sister after all and this trait is still very apparent years later.
She has the Mom mindset and really looks after the younger ones and they look up to her even with only 5 years from oldest to youngest.
When I was born my folks had nothing in the material sense... by the time the youngest was born... things had improved quite a lot...
As to small things... it was super strict with me... 7 pm bed, etc... the youngest never had a bedtime and any attempt was met with defiance... saying NO... as long as the others did not have to go to bed he wasn't either.
So I have noticed a theme that can be quite common. Parents are very harsh with the oldest but yet very babied with the youngest. I am 30 and have a younger sister that's 21. Growing up my parents were very strict and I had to buy everything I wanted except for birthdays and christmas and was put to work all the time. If I did anything wrong I would get very harsh punishment, like grounding for months at a time.
My sister on the other hand has always been treated with kid gloves. For example, whereas I never got an allowance she has had one and has never had to do the kind of work as I did. When she graduated HS and went off to college parents bought her a $2,000 laptop, and paid for her tuition, which she ended up wasting by dropping out and moving back home after one semester. Then she got arrested for a DUI last year and not only was she bailed out but they paid all of her fines and a lawyer. She has never held an actual job before. I have never been in legal trouble but I guarantee at her age I would not have been bailed out, let alone had my fines paid. Hell, I even remember my parents telling me if I ever got arrested don't bother calling them.
They don't push her to get a job let alone pay rent and now has a record.
As a result she is very immature and is very lazy. She also has a new tablet and smart phone. Yet this kind of thing seems to be fairly common, any parents here explain? And if you have younger and older kids would you say you were a lot easier on the younger ones?
My parents were horrid to my brother & I, but our three younger siblings were treated very well.
My brother's wife once said sadly to me, "your parents have only 3 children", and I agreed completely.
Same as my parents. There is just me and my brother - I am oldest and he is younger.
With me -- My parents were strict, controlling, overprotective, sheltered, etc with me. Literally couldn't do anything. Was like that since I was born, so its not like I did anything to make them this way. I was forced to be younger than I am, wear clothes that were too small, not allowed to watch tv or movies, hang with friends, etc.
With brother -- He literally got to do what he wanted & when he wanted. He also had no rules. He ended up turning somewhat violent, had a tantrum when he didnt get his way, etc. Few times in high school the teachers called up our parents to tell them he got kicked out of class because they told him to do something and he didnt want to do it, so he started screaming at them. My parents did nothing except tell him so he didnt look weird and also so they dont want anyone thinking they dont care. In middle school if that happened, they did same thing along with pretending to take a laptop, ipod, etc and then give it back within 1-2 hours because they wanted to come across as doing stuff.
I can go on, but its a gist. Its probably all like this with younger vs older kids.
So I have noticed a theme that can be quite common. Parents are very harsh with the oldest but yet very babied with the youngest. I am 30 and have a younger sister that's 21. Growing up my parents were very strict and I had to buy everything I wanted except for birthdays and christmas and was put to work all the time. If I did anything wrong I would get very harsh punishment, like grounding for months at a time.
My sister on the other hand has always been treated with kid gloves. For example, whereas I never got an allowance she has had one and has never had to do the kind of work as I did. When she graduated HS and went off to college parents bought her a $2,000 laptop, and paid for her tuition, which she ended up wasting by dropping out and moving back home after one semester. Then she got arrested for a DUI last year and not only was she bailed out but they paid all of her fines and a lawyer. She has never held an actual job before. I have never been in legal trouble but I guarantee at her age I would not have been bailed out, let alone had my fines paid. Hell, I even remember my parents telling me if I ever got arrested don't bother calling them.
They don't push her to get a job let alone pay rent and now has a record.
As a result she is very immature and is very lazy. She also has a new tablet and smart phone. Yet this kind of thing seems to be fairly common, any parents here explain? And if you have younger and older kids would you say you were a lot easier on the younger ones?
This is nothing new.....it's been going on for decades if not centuries. This totally describes me and my husband. We're both the oldest and were never handed anything. Our siblings on the other hand.....we're given everything and are still babied. That's life. They also can't function 100% on their own. Meanwhile, we can.
Hopefully if /when you are a parent you won't repeat this pattern of your parents. With that said I think all siblings become jealous at one time or another. What is fair? Is it giving money to the oldest child because he has a family and skip the youngest because he is still at home? Do parents give equally? Not give at all? What about babysitting and time with the grandkids. Is that under subjection too? I mean how far can this go to where the jealousy is gone and forgiven.
I can understand it but I'd think it's something to grow out of. Be jealous when you're a kid is true as long as attitudes change as adults. And if it's still eating at you talk to your siblings and your parents and clear the air. Maybe as the parents got older and had fewer kids at home, finances got better, and they could indulge. Or they received an inheritance. I think it's also time to stop and sit back and think of all the times your parents were there for you in doing things like getting you places, teaching you skills, to drive, letting you drive the family car and pay for your car insurance, supporting your decisions to do what you want with your life, even if those plans change.
I'm not a parent that plays favorites. I also don't give equally to them, I give when I want, when I can, and if they don't appreciate or acknowledge it, then that giving is stopped. Yes I will give my time, interest, help, and money to family that acknowledges and appreciates it. After all it's their inaction that brought them to that point. Staying in touch is all about communication and it's a two way street.
I get the feeling you aren't close to your sibling. You might change that and see how things change.[
Per the first bolded sentence --- You may see yourself as not playing favorites. However, if you were to read up on this issue, the consensus is that parents tend to subconsciously have their favorites. Sometimes a parent may prefer one child over the other due to that child's personality or not favor a child because the dynamics are oil versus water.
That said, at least you are aware to the point where you make an effort to not have a favorite. However, if your kids are adults, they may be looking back and their perspective might be that you did favor one over the other.
As for not being close to siblings when parents blatantly had a favorite --- if you've never been through that, what the parents ended up doing is undermining the relationships between siblings. It can be very difficult to get over that---especially if the parents keep pointing out, well into the kids' adult years, how much better one sibling was over the others.
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She has never held an actual job before. I have never been in legal trouble but I guarantee at her age I would not have been bailed out, let alone had my fines paid. Hell, I even remember my parents telling me if I ever got arrested don't bother calling them. 
