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I am posing this question under Parenting because this is for my friend, a mother, to this grown man (27) who was diagnosed with autism and learning disabilities as a child. While she has tried everything she knew of to do to help this boy (therapy, medication, long talks, love) his problems are only getting worse.
What can be done with a grown man who is autistic and he won't take responsibility for anything in his life. He blames his autism on his Mother, says it's her fault and she will always need to help him financially.
His father is sick of him and just wants him out of the house. Their relationship has always been strained because this boy isn't responsible and only causes their family problems.
He has no ambition, can't save any money (he works as a waiter), is into instant gratification, and his social skills are minimal. He has very few friends that truly care about him. Most "friends" use him for money and to drive them places.
His parents buy him clothes, food, pay for his car and car insurance, phone, and anything else. If he does get any money, he spends it on things like beer, movies, and possibly drugs.
We are all at a loss of how to help him. He is now 27 yrs old and does not seem to be improving at all. The older he gets, the worse and bigger the problems he has.
I'm throwing this out there in hopes that there is something I could suggest to help her. I'm at a loss too.
Programs, and services, should have been put in place for him when he was much younger. Everything you describe, instant gratification/poor social skills/lack of friends, are all common in people with autism. It doesn't magically go away when a child grows up. The parents best bet is to reach out to their local autism society and seek assistance.
They have done that but there isn't a lot of help in our area. Most of those programs are for younger children/adults and this boy/man has "aged" out of those programs. Even when he was a child, schools just kicked him out and never offered any help.
In this case, I think the parents were exhausted and at a loss of what to do and the schools wanted the parents to take a stand but the parents were exhausted. A vicious circle and no this young man is incompetent to handle anything on his own.
I'm trying to think outside the box here and hoping to find something that might help them.
I'd think it's just like any other family that has a disabled child / adult and can't be independent. It's typical for the family to step up and yes it isn't easy. There are many families out there that are in that situation. I agree with Spazkat9696 and look into programs and that's another way for him to meet people. He is a waiter so at least he has a job so he's not at home all day.
I think he's doing well with a job and doing what he can. You don't know how limiting it is for him, his learning level, or difficulties in dealing with people. Maybe another outlet is getting him signed up at the YMCA, participate in some classes.
There may be some information online or join a blog. Even if you're long distance from everything the internet can help. My son is epileptic and has bi-polar and for years he wasn't well enough to be independent. So I know what you're talking about.
See if he has a therapist. They can talk to the doctor and coordinate with treatment and challenges. My son's therapist signed him up for a few county programs.
There may be some information online or join a blog. Even if you're long distance from everything the internet can help. My son is epileptic and has bi-polar and for years he wasn't well enough to be independent. So I know what you're talking about.
See if he has a therapist. They can talk to the doctor and coordinate with treatment and challenges. My son's therapist signed him up for a few county programs.
Is your son well enough to be on his own now? He was seeing a therapist but then stopped. I know my friend has exhausted every avenue to help her son and at this point, is just dealing with the situation on a minute by minute basis. She is barely holding on and I"m worried about her and her family.
The sad thing is that we live in a pretty big city with lots of universities around so you would think there would be more programs available. They found one called TEACH but they only helped just so far.
They have done that but there isn't a lot of help in our area. Most of those programs are for younger children/adults and this boy/man has "aged" out of those programs. Even when he was a child, schools just kicked him out and never offered any help.
In this case, I think the parents were exhausted and at a loss of what to do and the schools wanted the parents to take a stand but the parents were exhausted. A vicious circle and no this young man is incompetent to handle anything on his own.
I'm trying to think outside the box here and hoping to find something that might help them.
What you're say is that the parents didn't follow through and weren't consistent with the programs in place and the, then student, was kicked out of school. Things only get harder and sadly the parents are paying the price for their lack of follow through. Maybe they should reach out to their community services board for information about group homes.
What you're say is that the parents didn't follow through and weren't consistent with the programs in place and the, then student, was kicked out of school. Things only get harder and sadly the parents are paying the price for their lack of follow through. Maybe they should reach out to their community services board for information about group homes.
I think they tried to follow through with their son but there was so much going on at the time. This young boy was bullied pretty much constantly. Probably because he was so different. The schools did nothing to help steer the parents to a program or therapist, whatever.
Now, yes they are dealing with failed programs and schools, and the problem is only getting worse. I just wish they could find a group home but their boy doesn't want to live in one.
I think they tried to follow through with their son but there was so much going on at the time. This young boy was bullied pretty much constantly. Probably because he was so different. The schools did nothing to help steer the parents to a program or therapist, whatever.
Now, yes they are dealing with failed programs and schools, and the problem is only getting worse. I just wish they could find a group home but their boy doesn't want to live in one.
Well he isn't going to "want" any change most likely. But it sounds like he needs to start learning to take more responsibility and living up to his potential. Living with his parents makes it easier to stay a child; living with other adults would encourage him to follow the rules, grow up, make friends, and in the end be happier. Are they in contact with their county mental health services?
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