i need your help... advice on moving to another state and away from family (average, parents)
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Hello,
I need some advice on making a big decision.
I'm 33 years old and not married, but have a long time GF that i'm living with. I've lived in the east coast with my family forever, and it was time to make a change for everyone as well as some circumstances and we all decided to move out west san diego. My family moved about 7 years ago, but not all of them moved at once as there was school and work and the timing had to work out. I took the longest to move (about 5 years) and finally made out to San Diego 2 years ago with my GF. It was so hard finding a job in San Diego and it was sheer luck that a couple years ago, I learned an old friend had moved to san diego and he was able to provide that connection..without that this connection, i believe that i would not have made to CA as i have tried for years....just too many people and competition.
Well, I've been in san diego with my GF now for a couple of years and have found things to be extremely expensive, especially the real estate and housing. Even with a $75k salary, my GF and i can only afford to live in small apartments in near ghetto conditions for $2,000 month. (i have a few years left to pay off student debt) Taxes too high and rent way too high and I see no hope for my GF and I save and start something for ourselves like buying a house which is very important to us. My GF is still looking for work, but historically doesn't make much...like $15k year. The average price of a home here is like $600k. It's just way too expensive here and i don't see paying $2k month for a ghetto place (excuse my language) is fair. I could pay more for a nicer place, but then i will be living beyond my means. I have discussed this with my family, and told them that i want to move back to east coast where we are from (FL) but they get very angry with me and i feel very guilty after discussing it, as i feel that i'm abandoning them. I know if i leave, i won't be able to get back to CA as my old friend and connection has since moved away from the company we work for. If i stay, my GF and I are miserable in very bad areas just scrapping by to live in a place that we don't enjoy. The streets are bad, the people are on drugs, and disrespectful people everywhere and living in an apartment in these types of areas is just plain horrible. In Florida, i could easily buy a house and save for other things, or i stay in CA and pay $2,500 month for nice place, or $2,000 month for a bad place with no hope of improving. I don't see san diego getting any cheaper and rent continues to climb as well as housing prices. They have a housing crisis here where they just don't build any houses for middle class, just the rich. My family seems to be ok with it and they have been renting forever. If i leave, i know i won't be able to come back as it was impossible getting a job without the help of a friend. I miss my family and my mother, but am i wrong and a bad son for moving away? I will break my mother's heart if i do...so what do i do? My family will not move and we had all promised each other that will be living close together.
sorry for all my typos in advance.
Do what you need to for yourself and your GF. I question the motives and integrity of any family member who would become angry with you for expressing your opinion and choosing to make your own way in life.
At 33 you're way past old enough to make your own decisions.
Go to Florida. Buy a house and invest in your future, stop throwing away money on rent. I know it sucks moving away from your family, but if you're currently unhappy in your situation, you've got nothing to lose by starting over somewhere new. Your family will adjust.
you are 33 man! Do what your heart tells you. The decisions in your life are yours , and if you marry this girlfriend, hers too. Your girlfriend sounds serious, moving across the country with you, that shows some loyalty, consider what she thinks. What does the girlfriend think? She is from Florida too!
That might be your MOM, but she is not your MOMMY anymore. Dont worry about breaking her heart, do you really think you are obligated to stay nearby? Florida is what you know, and I am sure you may still have contacts there. If you can buy a house, and able to live better than in California, just make your life and control your own destiny. 33 years old men should not let mommy control his destiny. Moms job was over when you reached 21 years of age/ or moved out of her home.
If you keep considering your mom in your decisions, you will have a hard time being your own man. What is next, mom telling you how your relationship with your girl should go? Mom has no say in that either. Mom does not need to know everything that you think or plan. The more you share, the more they talk!. Snap out of it and Man Up!
you are not being a Bad Son, and any promise you made can be changed. No one can expect you to live in a check to check situation. people change their mind all the time. what are they going to do, throw you out the family? Do your grand parents live nearby too? so why does mom get away with moving where she wants, away from her mom, but you can't?
I'm a mom if two 30 something young men. I would NEVER make either one of them feel bad or guilty for moving away from me, or not staying near me. (in fact, they both live far away, which is fine) It would be unfair of me to restrict their choices.
OP, go for it. You'll be fine. Be brave. Get excited about YOUR future. It's going to be great.
NO, you are NOT guilty of abandoning your family, or anyone else. If THEY feel that way that's THEIR problem.
YOU have to live YOUR life and go where fate and fortune lead you.
San Diego is hellishly expensive, use the internet sites to find a low cost area and move there. It's a big nation with tremendous diversity. Try Boise, Spokane, Cheyenne, Colorado Springs, Texas, Ohio. So much to choose from.
Look at the Columbus, OH area. Look at all the great cities within a day's drive, all those MLB and NFL teams to go see without having to fly. Great Lakes, the Atlantic, mountains, rivers, etc. Have you ever boated the Chesapeake Bay? I have, I grew up there. If Columbus is pricey there's Cincinnati, Dayton, Louisville, Lexington, Indianapolis, Fort Wayne, Cleveland, Pittsburgh and many other cities with excellent amenities and quality of life.
There is NO shame to leaving SD, you gave it a ride and it rode you to the poor house. Time to say Adios. Put on your Nike's, and just do it.
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First you are 33 yr old, making your own decisions is not disrespectful to your mom or family. Being a man means you need to make tough decisions and do what is best for you.
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