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I have a 3 yr old with my ex, he has a great relationship with his children (he has 2 from a previous marriage ), His kids adore him, my son gets excited when his dad comes to pick him up. I appreciate that he is active in his children's lives , but I have a hard time getting any kind of money from him when it comes to our son. Im not one of those mothers that is expecting him to pay my personal bills, but when it come to daycare, activities such as swimming lessons, clothes and shoes. He buys nothing. I wouldn't dare send my son to his house with no clothes , cause I know for a fact he dosen't have any over there for him to put on. I try to be patient with him just because I know that people struggle, but his struggle has been going on for over a year now.
He is on child support, but I haven't received anything since 04/2017. I really at this point not entirely sure what I need to do or say to him to get it together, he says that hes "trying" but at this point im not sure what he's "trying" to do.
Im a bit torn, im not sure what route I need to take for him to get it together.
Before you had a child with him, what did you observe about how he financially supported the two children he already had?
Quote:
Originally Posted by agreen9189
I don't think I noticed at all, or was looking, during that time I was so "in love".
Did you even discuss how much he made a year, his debt, how much he paid in child support to his other children, etc. before you decided to have a child with him?
What does the judge say about him not paying his required child support in over a year?
Just go through the courts. If he is behind on child support, go through the legal channels you need to go through to get him to pay. They can garnish his wages, hold tax refunds, etc. if they need to. You can also spell out how expenses are divided up - childcare, medical expenses, etc. I can tell you that kids only get more expensive as they get older, so this isn't going to go away.
Did you even discuss how much he made a year, his debt, how much he paid in child support to his other children, etc. before you decided to have a child with him?
What does the judge say about him not paying his required child support in over a year?
The same answer that I previously noted goes towards this as well. OF COURSE I could've done better with choosing a mate, but I didn't. I cant change it now, My son is already here. Im sure Im not the first NOR will I be the last person that has a "less than" ex, but its a wonderful thing being able to grow up from your past decisions. I don't regret my child though, so Im more so focused on today, not what I would've, could've , and should've done 4 plus years ago.
Just go through the courts. If he is behind on child support, go through the legal channels you need to go through to get him to pay. They can garnish his wages, hold tax refunds, etc. if they need to. You can also spell out how expenses are divided up - childcare, medical expenses, etc. I can tell you that kids only get more expensive as they get older, so this isn't going to go away.
There's a lot of good in a man who sticks around to be part of his children's lives after divorce. But you owe it to your son to make sure his physical needs are met too. I agree, have the courts enforce the support agreement.
Im sure Im not the first NOR will I be the last person that has a "less than" ex, but its a wonderful thing being able to grow up from your past decisions.
Yeah but first you have to understand the scope of your initial mistake & I don’t think you’re there yet.
See; I have kids with a “less than” too; at least you only had 1 kid with yours. You know what my problem was ? I didn’t care much about what he brought to the table as far as money goes. I had that aspect covered & I thought I could take up his slack.
That is called: “selling yourself short”. Your ex doesn’t get special consideration because he’s a Great Guy. If he doesn’t consider his child his first priority in life; he’s not a great guy.
My dad has told me about the day I was born, far away on an Air Force base in Japan. He was a young Lieutenant, age 26 & I was his first born. He said he didn’t sleep at all that night. He walked, all night long; pacing the perimeter of the base. He said it was the happiest night of his life but also the scariest & he was awestruck by the reality of being a father. He knew, that night that he would never let his child or her mother down.
And he never has. Every year on my birthday my dad (& mom, until last year) tell me “30 years ago today was the happiest day of our lives” ... “40 years ago...” “50 years ago ...” There is a picture up in my profile here on CD of my mom & I in Japan & I attached a caption about never having seen fear in my mothers eyes. Not once. Ever. And realizing that this was due to her faith & my father.
That; is what every child deserves from their father.
I’m sure it’s sort of easy to be a Great Guy when you don’t have any of the real-world stress that comes with providing for a child. Don’t be fooled by this. I was devestated the day I realized what my stupidity had done: I had allowed my children to be cheated out of having what I was so fortunate to have. I had sold them short.
I hadn’t “learned from my mistakes” by just admitting that I was a bad judge of character, because that didn’t even scratch the surface of what my mistake was. Now; go & really learn from your mistake before you are doomed to make it again.
I think the quandary of the OP is that by enforcing child support, the child might lose a good influence on her child's life. If the impact is that positive, maybe it is worth it considering the alternative.
I'm not saying it should be acceptable, but we can't control other people's actions. And when we do try to control their actions, we certainly cannot control their reactions.
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