Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Yes! I can agree with this because one of my close friends stated that this may be the problem and recommended that we let him initially fall asleep on his own and not stay in his room until he falls asleep. So one night I did try this. I tucked him in, gave him a kiss goodnight, left the room and within 30 seconds he was out of the bed. He was in and out of bed for an entire hour it seemed and he started crying which turned into yelling/crying. My husband got worried at this point and decided to go in and lay with him.
So we have only tried this once, but I'm willing to give another shot. I'll add that our son is adopted internationally where he lived in an orphanage and has only been home with us for a year. Where he lived he slept in cribs with 2-3 other children, so this is definitely a transition for him. But our social worker and pediatrician believe he is capable at this point of sleeping without us.
Oh, my, the orphanage info puts a whole different spin on it. If you missed out on infant bonding time, I would make up for lost time by letting him snuggle with you as much as he wants. He might be capable of sleeping without you but IMHO emotionally he will benefit from knowing you are always there. Let him attach strongly!
If I left my daughter in her room alone to go to sleep she would literally fling her legs at the wall repeatedly for HOURS in order to stay awake. She has anxiety and ADD and I really feel there was no benefit whatsoever to the MONTHS i spent trying to get her to sleep on her own. She was trying to tell me what she needed to feel secure and I kept trying to follow the advice of 'professionals'. To this day she has thwarted all efforts to get into some kind of daily routine. She eats when she feels like and sleeps when she can, not on any sort of regular schedule. Her father is the same way. I am unsure if a different mother would have had different results.
Any tips or advice for keeping my 3 year old in his bed at night?? My husband and I are about to go nuts and are very much seep deprived. We have tried multiple techniques, but nothing seems to be working.
We are on a pretty strict bedtime schedule, so he knows the routine. Bath at 8-8:30, read books, then bedtime 9-9:15. After we turn the lights out we stay in his room until he falls asleep. He has no problem falling asleep, and it's usually pretty quickly, within 30-45 minutes. After he falls asleep, between midnight and 3am he will get out of his bed and come into our room and climb in our bed. This will happen 1-10 times per night. We will carry him back to his bed each time and tell him not to get up, stay in bed. Sometimes we will sit for a few minutes until he falls back asleep, but not every time. But he will not stay, he keeps getting up over and over and over......all night.
I have purchased a weighted blanket for him, a nightlight that projects the stars on the wall, a white noise machine. We have given consequences, such as no tv or other toys. None of these have worked.
He needs to fall asleep under the same conditions that he will have in the middle of the night. In other words, he needs to fall asleep at bedtime alone. The issue is that he is falling asleep with you there at bedtime. He is not used to being alone to fall asleep, so he when he wakes up in the middle of the night, he comes looking for you.
Do your bedtime routine, but then LEAVE THE ROOM for him to fall asleep. Once he is falling asleep on his own at bedtime, hopefully this will stop. If it doesn't, when he comes to you at night, just flatly say to him, "Go back to bed." Don't get out of bed yourself. If he gets no attention from you, he'll stop.
If this doesn't work, during the daytime discuss with him how mom and dad need their sleep. Make up a present grab bag, with little things wrapped up. If you can get someone to hand you down their kid's outgrown little cars and trucks, that would be perfect. If he stays in bed all night, in the morning, he gets to take a wrapped gift from the present grab bag. If he bothers you at night, he loses something, like screen time, the next day.
I am sorry. I only read your first post. I didn't see that he was adopted as a toddler. Big difference.
Have the discussion about mom and dad needing their sleep. Don't lie with him in the bed at bedtime, but do sit by his bed in a chair. Gradually move the chair's location farther and farther from the bed over the course of nights, until you're sitting in a chair by the open door, out in the hallway, out of his line of sight, for him to fall asleep independently. Offer the same present grab bag/loss of screen time carrot and stick deal once he's falling asleep independently.
But honestly, if he was adopted at age two, I would seriously reconsider trying to get him to sleep totally independently at this age. What if you left it how things are, and just put a pallet on the floor by your bed, for him to sleep on when he wakes up in the middle of the night and comes in? THat way he wouldn't wake you up, and would still feel secure, and that mom and dad are there for him.
Have you asked your child why he comes in your room? Is he afraid of something? Our son had an incident at his daycare when he was around 2 or 3 where he was locked in a bathroom for some reason. We even had to go to court because the owner of the daycare was brought up on several charges. It really affected my son for quite awhile. I felt horribly guilty as I only had him there two days a week so he could interact with other kids since he seemed very shy.
He did the same thing but he came into our room till he was probably 8 years old. We took him to a child psychologist who suggested setting up a little pallet on the floor of our bedroom and little by little moving it closer and closer to his own room. But what finally stopped him was when we moved to a house that had his bedroom right across the hall from ours. He felt more secure then.
Last edited by chiluvr1228; 06-27-2018 at 07:08 AM..
I wonder if we should try a later bedtime? Right now if he goes to bed at 9pm and gets up at 7:30, plus the 2 hour nap at school that’s a total of 12 1/2 hours per day. That seems like a lot of sleep to me!
Meh, different strokes, I guess. It was a total nonissue: everyone got the sleep they needed, and the kids migrated to their own beds when they ready. The slacker-Mom approach isn’t for everyone, but outnumbered by 3 kids, I never saw the point to elaborate bed time rituals and late-night training sessions, for something that will self-resolve when the child is developmentally ready.
Aren't you a charmer! Both of MY kids slept better consistently when they did not rely on someone or something else to sleep, whether it be naps, cars, travelling or in their home. Sleep is a natural part of life, not some horrible thing you are asking your child to do. Developmentally ready and wanting to have a Mom pacifier are not the same thing. I may be a slacker mom, but I am not an internet meanie.
Oh, my, the orphanage info puts a whole different spin on it. If you missed out on infant bonding time, I would make up for lost time by letting him snuggle with you as much as he wants. He might be capable of sleeping without you but IMHO emotionally he will benefit from knowing you are always there. Let him attach strongly!
Yah this changes things. I would wait/blow off any sleep training given that added bit.
The preschool he attends has the "Watch Me Grow" cameras in each class. I literally watch him (and the other kids) go to his cubby and get his blanket. He goes straight to his cot and lays down with no problem. I ask his teacher almost daily how his naps are an they tell me he sleeps well with no problems at all. At home it's like we are torturing him if we try and get him to nap.
On weekends we usually don't wake him because we are so tired ourselves, but he is usually up by 8:30-9am at the latest.
You said that your son is adopted, and previously slept with 2 or 3 other children in his crib. He's used to sleeping in close proximity to other people. Maybe that's why he naps so easily at preschool...he's falling asleep with other kids around. It's...how he knows how to fall asleep.
If it were me, I think I'd do what the others have suggested, set up a pallet in the bedroom, so he can lay down and fall asleep there.
When I was little, my sleep routine was that my mom or my dad would come tuck us in, and kiss us good night.
One time, my dad was working nights, and my mom was really really sick with the flu, and could hardly get herself up off the couch. She told me I would have to tuck myself in.
Well...I just...couldn't do that. I stood in the hallway for what seemed like an interminable amount of time, unable to put myself to bed. I ended up falling asleep in the hallway. So, I feel like I can sympathize with your little man a little OP. lol
Also...another thought. My oldest son went through a stage where he got up every night for awhile. Turns out, because his bedroom was at the front of the house, car lights coming down the street made weird patterns on the bedroom walls, which frightened him.
Once we put shades on the windows that stopped the weird patterns.
Aren't you a charmer! Both of MY kids slept better consistently when they did not rely on someone or something else to sleep, whether it be naps, cars, travelling or in their home. Sleep is a natural part of life, not some horrible thing you are asking your child to do. Developmentally ready and wanting to have a Mom pacifier are not the same thing. I may be a slacker mom, but I am not an internet meanie.
Um... I was calling myself a slacker-Mom, what with the no sleep-training and all.
Um... I was calling myself a slacker-Mom, what with the no sleep-training and all.
LOL. Sorry.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
)
Um... I was calling myself a slacker-Mom, what with the no sleep-training and all.
