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hi, im aconcerned uncle for the safty and welfare of my nine year old neice, she lives with her mother and my father, she and my father just left after visiting me for a week. while i was glad to see them i have been left feeling uneasy about her situation, as she really did not eat much kept sneaking snacks before bed and i explained that in my house you can eat all you want, she only brought a small back pack of clothes for the week refused to have them washed while she was here asked us to buy her school clothes and supplies, wouldnt bathe, and overall seemed depressed and withdrawn. she seemed happy when i would play with her and when she played with my 3 year old twins, im not sure but it sounds like a case of child neglect and i even asked her if she would like to move in with me and my wife and she egerly said yes, now let me explain about my sister, so you can get a whole picture of my concerns, first she is unemployed my father doesnt force her to work, she plays video games all day has a new boyfreind that makes my neice do laundry and clean my heart breaks when i think of her and her situation should i get involved or just let her be with her mother even though she thinks shes a burden?
oh boy. sounds like there are a few things wrong here. do you think your sister will let you take her? she is at the very least neglected. i hope there is no abuse going on in the house by the boyfreind?
she is only 9. she seems very eager to be in your stable home. you are at a crossroads--and so is she. you may very well be the one who could change her life forever, or leave it as is and her life can take a completely different path--which at this point may not be so good.
Always help the child - they can't help themselves. If that is truly what your sister is - then she chose her own path. But - understand that it won't be easy......
God bless you.
have you seen a dramatic shift in her behavior? how far do you guys live apart? maybe making visits more routine would help the child see a healthy/normal lifestyle. this can help her come out of her shell. but his can also make her own home life that much more difficult.
i think you should speak to your father. ask questions. see how he feels about the situation. maybe he has noticed anything strange. he might be part of the problem tho. speak to your sister. ask if she has seen any behavioural change in your niece. get her take. ask hows she doing in school. ask if she has friends. does she do sleep overs? try to get as much info without inferring there is a problem. that might tip them off.
the best thing to do, is be as supportive as possible. let her spend time with you. teach her good manners. cleanliness. etiquette. do as much as you can. but dont forget that this aint your kid, and anything you do might eventually be undone by your sister.
getting custody is an extreme measure, and having the courts side with you will be difficult. you would have to prove a case against your sister... who has been raising her for the past 9 years. let that be the last resort. but you will need strong proof of neglect, weight loss, sickly looking, brusises, thin hair, bad grades, uncleanliness, etc.
good luck and continue to be the beacon of light for her.
hi, im aconcerned uncle for the safty and welfare of my nine year old neice, she lives with her mother and my father, she and my father just left after visiting me for a week. while i was glad to see them i have been left feeling uneasy about her situation, as she really did not eat much kept sneaking snacks before bed and i explained that in my house you can eat all you want, she only brought a small back pack of clothes for the week refused to have them washed while she was here asked us to buy her school clothes and supplies, wouldnt bathe, and overall seemed depressed and withdrawn. she seemed happy when i would play with her and when she played with my 3 year old twins, im not sure but it sounds like a case of child neglect and i even asked her if she would like to move in with me and my wife and she egerly said yes, now let me explain about my sister, so you can get a whole picture of my concerns, first she is unemployed my father doesnt force her to work, she plays video games all day has a new boyfreind that makes my neice do laundry and clean my heart breaks when i think of her and her situation should i get involved or just let her be with her mother even though she thinks shes a burden?
I think you should speak up because this girl needs a chance to bloom and be happy. SHe needs to know someone cares what happens to her. She will not grow up allright without that nuturing. Please speak up on he behalf. IF it doesnt work out, ok. At least you know you tried.
You could even turn it around to be like she is doing You a favor letting your neice live with you. Like if your wife needs help with the twins or something. Maybe the mom would releaase her then?
First, talk with your wife if you haven't already to see how she feels on the subject. Secondly, talk with your sister, perferably in person and on neutral ground. Be careful not to say anything that could be strewed as attacking her parenting skills. Let her know that you were surprised how sad your niece seemed during your visit and you were wondering if she was okay. Eventually segway into a different conversation about how your sister is doing. Side with her, i.e. tell her it must be hard finding work and living with dad, etc.--let her kind of take control of this part of the conversation, while you listen. Then, let her know that while you can't help financially at all, if there is anything you can do, to let you know. Then tell her that your twins and your niece got along really well, if ever need be, your door will always be open to your niece, whether for a couple weeks or even longer.
You can't openingly ask to take your niece, at least in most situations. It sort of triggers a defensive in the mother, as if you were attacking her parenting skills. (However, you know your sister better then I). My niece does not have an involved dad. She has a standing invitation to stay with us a week or two every summer. This may not help the rest of the year, but two weeks can go a long way (if you can't get anymore than that).
Situations don't have to be classified as neglect to harm the child. If your sister readily allows you to take in your niece, then suggest you work out a schedule and stick to it for the sake of normalacy for the niece. You don't want to have her for four months and in the middle of school and then all of the sudden your sister demands for her back.
thank you all so much for your advice, my wife and i agree that she needs a loving home and agreed to let her stay if my sister says so, i have talked to her breifely and she agreed to let her stay next summer when she gets out of school.
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