How can custody be given back? or What happens to kid?

[BHappy2Day]

Originally Posted by laysayfair

...and what do you suggest?

She knows what I think.

[EJRuek]

I'd sure like to see some nurturing. All the way around.

[laysayfair]

Originally Posted by Taboo2

Was he not paying child support? He would have her address if he wrote a check to her each month.

This is his CHILD. You should accept that. Regretted custody? SERIOUSLY?
If she is a liar- then that is because she is a product of her parents, just like your kids will be. She is a KID. Yes, some kids lie more than others, she is this way for a reason and perhaps you should care enough to get to the bottom of why she is a pathological liar - usually stems from parental issues - including dear old absent dad- in this case and crazy old mom.




That is from absent parenting which your husband is just as guilty as the wicked mother is. YOur defense is she wouldn't let you see her? Yeah ok and the courts had absolutely no way to make her? Or is it because there is no child support trading hands? This child has obviously been allowed to run loose most of her life, you have only been out of state for 4 years, where were you in her life before that??



Good thing sending her to a shrink but she shoud be in therapy with other kids so they can support and uplift each other.

Calling a kid a monster no matter how crazy, wicked or demoralized she may be is a very unmotherly thing to do. Please tell me you arent saying that to her face.

I don't doubt this girl has huge issues but you are not helping my stigmatizing her and apparently taking sides between the children *my son doesnt like her nonsense* *my child is gifted and simpressionable*... I would get the bad vibes from here. This child is STILL a child and secondly she needs you people, She needs her father to take control of this situation. He created her, it is HIS PROBLEM and if you live with him then she is YOUR problem too. Why on earth would you want to return her to that wicked mother who damaged this girl beyond belief? You are a mother, why would you wish that on her?

Be the adult, lay down the law. She is in gangs? Where are you when this happens? Do you have rules and regulations in the house with consequences? There are boot camps for troubled kids... Do what you need to. She has run loose long enough and she needs someone to give a darn about where she is and what she is doing, although she would never admit it, because she is a child regardless of what she or her shrink thing.

I think you did a tremendous thing by taking custody of her, but really that was the only right thing for the father to do. Whether it was his fault or not, he was out of this childs life for many years you say and now it is time to STEP UP and do the right thing for this girl. Before it is too late.

Taboo2, a million thumbs-up to you!

[EJRuek]

I feel like most all of us here are desperately trying to save this thirteen-year-old's life. That much good cannot go as a prayer unanswered

[geekduo]

Quit criticizing this women! She came here for help. She is obviously trying to do her best and cares about her family, (including this 13 yr old), or she wouldn't have come on here pleading for advice. And no, it is not selfish for her to be worried about the younger children in the house being affected by this. In fact, that is her being a parent protecting her children, i.e. her job. She's not suggesting kicking this kid into the streets, just asking what she can do that would be good for all involved.

For the OP:
Are you able to get away from the city together as a family for a while? I know it might sound corny to some people, but getting away from outside distractions and focusing on being together is a good thing that all families should do once in a while. I do think that some family counseling is in order here. She needs to learn how to trust you, she's in defensive mode right now. The counselor can help with that, maybe do some trust exercises. Also, do you do activities together as a family? You need some good positive interactions. Movie night at home with popcorn and ice cream floats. A day at the zoo. Play a board game together. Are any of the kids in sports? Going to a game and cheering the home team on is another good family activity. It's going to take some work but I'm sure you can do it. Please DM me if you want to talk. I have a difficult child too, but mine has mental health issues, so that's a whole other story.

[linicx]

Contact the juvenille court and tell them she is out of control. Another option is military school or mental hospital. She can also be adjudged an adult by the juvennille court at which time you can put her out of the house.. It's called Tough Love. I suspect the only thing that will work is a dose of hard knocks from life.

[JC JC Mom]

I know you posted because you wanted some help but sending this girl back in not going to help her at all. From what you are say her birth mom is not a good mom so what do you think is going to happen when she moves back.. and how do you think the girl will feel - that she's such a mess up that her own father doesnt want her.

I cant imagine how difficult the situation is on you and the rest of the family but giving up on her is not the answer...

Follow up on some therapy, youth groups (sometimes its easier for them to know that they are not crazy their are other kids out there with similar situations)

and also some parenting/couple groups for you and your husband I can imagine that you now have added presure to your marrigage.