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OK, I don't agree with the Duggars on all their religious views, or even with having so many kids, but the people obviously do something right with raising their kids. I looked into one of their tools, the list of 49 Character Qualities (which I've heard them mention on the show) and printed them all out.
Has anyone else used these with their kids? How did you go about it?
My kids are only 8 months, so obviously it's a bit early for this, but my thought is to have a chalkboard in each child's room and write a new character quality on the board each week. Maybe on Sunday evening, sit them down, go over the new character quality, discuss ways to practice the quality, focus on it during the week, and leave it on the board for them to see all week as a visual aid.
And as a side note, I could become a better person by focusing on these qualities as well, "Purposing", as they say, to better implement each quality in my own life. I'm not sure what age they start this with their kids - I'm guessing age two? Maybe three? Obviously once they can read.
I think that the example you set, as a parent, is the most powerful character building tool possible.
Ditto this sentiment. I also feel that reinforcing lessons on positive behavior can't hurt. We do something similar at home, and this year the school our youngest attends began using a similar tool.
The more a child see's, hears, reads, mimick's, touches, works with, manipulates, etc. something the more it will become second nature to him. Kids learn in different ways so I've found it's good to use more than one method of teaching children proper behavior.
Ditto this sentiment. I also feel that reinforcing lessons on positive behavior can't hurt. We do something similar at home, and this year the school our youngest attends began using a similar tool.
The more a child see's, hears, reads, mimick's, touches, works with, manipulates, etc. something the more it will become second nature to him. Kids learn in different ways so I've found it's good to use more than one method of teaching children proper behavior.
Maybe I should start a thread for people to post methods that worked for them. I'm sure different methods work better on different children.
I'm glad I found and printed out these qualities because it gives me time to apply them to/re-train myself where needed. It's just amazing how, at 8 months, I can already see them soaking things up and learning. Especially with eating - I've already stopped snaking while sitting on the couch, because I don't want them doing that when they get older. Even though they can't eat chips and salsa, they notice!
I think it boils down to your acts much more than vocabulary words on a wall. My kids are with me at the grocery when purchasing food for the local food banks; we use everyday discussions to discuss character issues such as what constitutes cheating or lying (omission can be just as much of a lie in my book); we don't use phrases that are used derogatorily (ie "he is such a retard" or "that's so gay" - very popular teenaged phrases and I have even heard parents use these!). My kids are expected to do chores, to be kind, work hard etc. They see us doing the same thing. Also, for my son, participating in sports was huge. As he got older, and we were more able to choose the teams he participated in, we chose teams led by coaches that echoed our values. My sons little league football coach had them and us (and their teachers!) sign papers that outlined the team expectation which mostly boiled down to this: the order of importance is 1) God and family 2) school 3) football. There was to be no swearing. The kids were drilled and all knew that the definition of character was doing the right thing even if no one was looking....It's more about how YOU act and the friends YOU choose. Your kids know if you are being hypocritical.
As most above have said, in essence - children learn what they live so parental honesty (including the lack of ommision) and being kind to others is important, but one another quality, not mentioned above, is taking responsibility for your actions and the importance of not taking actions you can't or unwilling to take responsibility for.
Let's take a couple of examples of the results of individuals not taking respondibility for their actions - the high cost of liability insurance and products. Why, because many people sue for anything and everything driving the cost of insurance and, in turn, products sky high.
A man is dumb enough to get his finger into a table saw blade (maybe he's been drinking) and sues the manufacturer for not having a proper warning the saw is dangerous and failure to provide proper safeguards to prevent getting his finger too close. He sues the manufacturer and a jury agrees and awards a rediculous verdict. The manufacturer's liability insurance increases, cost of the product goes up and we all pay for it.
How about the woman who bought coffee at Macdonald's then tried to open the top while driving down the highway, spilled it in her lap, burned herself, sued Macdonalds for making their coffee too hot and a jury awarded her $46 million because she failed to take responsibility for her own stupidity.
These are extreme examples, but I see examples of adults not taking responsibility for lesser actions practically daily and that is what their kids are learning and the same parents defend their children for the childs incorrect actions. What are we teaching our children??
I think that the example you set, as a parent, is the most powerful character building tool possible.
I agree. There are no guarantees, and your children will turn out to be who they are. The best you can hope for, is they they will choose you as a role model. So you had better be exactly what you want them to be, just in case.
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