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Parent seeking advice how to discuss gun issue with friend’s parents, concerned with son going over to their house, good family, do not want to offend them
No one is dismissing this woman's experience. It is horrible. However, I think that if she worked in an ER (I think she said that - I could be wrong) she probably saw more injuries/death resulting from auto accidents. I think where people are scratching their heads is her position that it doesn't matter how the guns are stored etc but whether they have guns at all. It sounds as if her child will never be allowed in a home where guns exist AT ALL. Even locked and unloaded. The point the other posters are trying to make (I don't believe sarcastically) is that there are dangers around every corner if that is what you seek. I have personally known several people whose kids have died in car accidents. Using the same logic as the OP, I would not be allowing my kids in cars. It is the same logic just using a more inconvenient example....
But most people HAVE TO drive in cars at some point. People don't HAVE TO be around guns.
Yes there are dangers around every corner, but if you don't HAVE TO walk around that corner, why take the chance?
And you say you believe it is not logical to say that since you know kids who have died in cars so you are not going to let your kids go in cars. Ok, so I know people who have died from smoking and that is a main reason I never tried it and I would do anything in MY power to keep it away from my children.
So I am putting a in here because I am not trying to argue just explain MY reasoning FOR the OP
But most people HAVE TO drive in cars at some point. People don't HAVE TO be around guns.
Not arguing with you here, but you are wrong when you say that people don't have to be around guns. In my house we do....and I'm sure any other law enforcement household will say the same.....
Thing is, if you have to be around guns, then be informed and safe about it...
My point was being in the same home as a unloaded, properly secured gun is actually safer than driving in a car... Just like you are not going to get killed looking a a car parked in the garage while the keys are in your purse in anothe room....Being within 20 feet of a gun that cannot be obtained is not dangerous.
Best thing is to do it thru your children. No need to involve the neighbors at all.Same as anyone that is leary of anothyer childs parent;no difference.
No one is dismissing this woman's experience. It is horrible. However, I think that if she worked in an ER (I think she said that - I could be wrong) she probably saw more injuries/death resulting from auto accidents. I think where people are scratching their heads is her position that it doesn't matter how the guns are stored etc but whether they have guns at all. It sounds as if her child will never be allowed in a home where guns exist AT ALL. Even locked and unloaded. The point the other posters are trying to make (I don't believe sarcastically) is that there are dangers around every corner if that is what you seek. I have personally known several people whose kids have died in car accidents. Using the same logic as the OP, I would not be allowing my kids in cars. It is the same logic just using a more inconvenient example....
Exactly.
Unreasonable fear helps no one. Kids are more likely to be hurt or killed in so many more ways in everyday life than being shot by someone else's gun.
When there are guns in the house, adults take more precautions than probably the average driver, or parent around almost anything else. Millions of kids have grown up in homes where there have been guns. I grew up in a house with a gun. There were 5 of us and not one of us ever touched it. I've had guns. Never an accident with one. Kids in and out all the time.
People cannot wrap their kids in cotton and think they will be protected. Arm kids with knowledge instead of fear and they will be much, much safer.
Is there a way to tell parents who have guns in their homes that my child can not go to their home for play dates without offending them?
My 8yo son has become friends with a nice boy from a nice family. The father has taken my son bowling with them, which was fine and then afterwards asked if he could take them home to play. I immediately insisted on having them come over to my house to play instead. That worked out. But what do I do in the future? I'm pretty sure there are guns in the house, because they go hunting a lot. I don't want to ruin my kid's social life.
If I just ask straight up about the gun and let the parents know that my child can't ever go over there, but their child can come to mine, is that bad? It's not so farfetched that a couple of bored, curious little boys get curious about a gun. I can totally see this other boy wanting to show my son a real gun, etc. Honestly, I don't even want my son to be around the gun, even when supervised by the father.
My fear is that by me not allowing my son to go over implies a judgement against the family or that I think they are not responsible. It's not that. It's purely a safety issue. I have policies against my child swimming also. They can't go swimming without me. I need to supervise. It's just I don't want any accidents. And so far we don't do sleepovers, gun or no gun. So I have nothing against the family. They are lovely people.
When my sons were younger, it was not an issue as I was always with them. Now they have play dates where parents aren't breathing down their neck. They're asking for sleepovers. I want to give them freedom, but not in a house with guns. I don't want every friendship to fizzle because I don't let my child go and it's hard for them to understand your reasoning.
So if anyone can tell me exactly how/what I should say, that would cause the least amount of weirdness between the 2 families, I would appreciate it.
Just say it right out. You hate and fear certain inanimate objects , distrust their owners , and have no concept of comparitives risks.
We don't want our children to be around bigoted people who make stories up to support a political agenda.
Not arguing with you here, but you are wrong when you say that people don't have to be around guns. In my house we do....and I'm sure any other law enforcement household will say the same.....
Thing is, if you have to be around guns, then be informed and safe about it...
I see what you're saying. Totally agree with you. From THIS woman's perspective AND my own is where I was coming from.
She doesn't HAVE TO be around guns. I know I have to drive sometimes with my daughter in the car, say to her doctor's appt. But I don't have to be around guns. So taking a risk in a car is a risk I must take. However, being around a gun, even if the owner is responsible, offers me no gain thus not making it a reasonable risk.
I see what you're saying. Totally agree with you. From THIS woman's perspective AND my own is where I was coming from.
She doesn't HAVE TO be around guns. I know I have to drive sometimes with my daughter in the car, say to her doctor's appt. But I don't have to be around guns. So taking a risk in a car is a risk I must take. However, being around a gun, even if the owner is responsible, offers me no gain thus not making it a reasonable risk.
Maybe not at the moment, but at some point, having friends will be a gain for your daughter.
I see what you're saying. Totally agree with you. From THIS woman's perspective AND my own is where I was coming from.
She doesn't HAVE TO be around guns. I know I have to drive sometimes with my daughter in the car, say to her doctor's appt. But I don't have to be around guns. So taking a risk in a car is a risk I must take. However, being around a gun, even if the owner is responsible, offers me no gain thus not making it a reasonable risk.
yes, I see what you are saying and also agree with you.
I Never had guns in the house before I got married. My DH has them because of work, otherwise, I don't think I would have had guns around........
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in here because I am not trying to argue just explain MY reasoning FOR the OP
