Kids Who Stare -- how would you (as parent) respond? (teenagers, parents)
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I've noticed more and more that children who are old enough to know better, are apparently not being taught that it's not polite to stare at someone who may look "different" for reasons beyond that person's control. I find myself getting increasingly tired of it, frankly.
Would you, as the parent who is in the vicinity but not watching the behavior, want it brought to your attention, or simply have the child be told directly (and calmly) that it is not polite to stare at people, and please stop, and find something else to look at? Does it depend on the age or apparent age of the child? Looking for some good advice here. Thanks!
Depends on the age of the child, really. I'd say that by the age of 8 or 10, a child should have enough self-control to be able to resist staring, at least blatantly. Before that point, well...kids stare. It's normal curiosity.
I think most of the ones I see are at least 8. So would you want me to tell YOU about the child staring, or speak to the child as I described?
EDIT: Interesting point about the younger kids. The ONLY person, of ANY age, who has ever simply ASKED me about what they are seeing, was a young girl in my local coffee joint who was no more than 4, who was truly concerned. Her mother was mortified at her question, (I answered the little girl's question, and reassured her) and I assured her mother that I was not offended in the least. Frankly, I was stunned to see compassion like that in a child so young. I've never seen her since, unfortunately. I hope she has kept that compassion-- she'd be about 12 now.
Last edited by observer53; 05-08-2009 at 03:30 PM..
If you told my child not to stare - I would not be happy - I would tell you to butt out to be honest (of course in a polite way ). Teenagers may be a bit different, but younger children are just curious and need to be given answers.
Yes children should not stare, but do a little child development research, that is how children learn, the observe and ask questions - I would recommend parents think about different situations so they know how to respond and address the difference that is causing the staring - If children are not educated about differences around us in the world, they will have fear, continued questions, and probably a very close minded attitude - it is the parents responsibility to educate the child, not tell them point blank to stop staring, or find something else to look at, and honestly if you told me or my child that it would not be pretty.
My thought is that as a parent, you cannot ignore the situation or staring and hope it will go away, because it will continue to resurface - instead educate them and teach appreciation for the beauty and differences around us
Maybe these 8 years olds have never been educated - if you feel comfortable, rather then saying Dont stare at me, I would love it if you spoke to my child about what makes you different and to educate them (that is what I would do myself as a parent if I was able).
yes I would politely ask the child to stop and then if that did not work speak with his or her parents if you can find them and they are not too drunk or high on drugs to understand anything you are saying . I am saying this because this has happened more times than I care to tell you . Yes most defintely 8 yrs or older is old enough to know better .
I feel that I have taught my kids that well enough that we shouldn't have that problem. And, no offense, but I probably wouldn't take kindly to someone telling me about it, or telling my kid not to stare. But, on the other hand I watch my kids very closely in public, and I would probably notice them looking at someone and nudge them - they know what that means!!
Are you just noticing this in general public, or is it a personal thing. Are they staring at you, and do you mind if I ask why? It may be easier to give advice of how to handle something if I knew what we were dealing with......
I don't know what you mean about "general public vs. personal". Yes, this happens out in public.
Yes, they are staring at me, due to congenital defects, to put it generally.
I'd rather, in a diplomatic way and under appropriate circumstances (i.e., not when everyone is in a hurry) approach the parent and mention it to them, as they know their child, and if they are concerned about the behavior can address the situation the best way. If they aren't concerned, well, there's no help for that.
I think it really depends on why the child is staring. Kids stare at stuff that fascinates them, interests them, or that they do not understand. If there is something about you that makes kids stare I think it is better to start up a conversation with the child that allows you to explain whatever they are seeing than to reprimand them.
I don't know what you mean about "general public vs. personal". Yes, this happens out in public.
Yes, they are staring at me, due to congenital defects, to put it generally.
I'd rather, in a diplomatic way and under appropriate circumstances (i.e., not when everyone is in a hurry) approach the parent and mention it to them, as they know their child, and if they are concerned about the behavior can address the situation the best way. If they aren't concerned, well, there's no help for that.
I didn't know if you were just seeing this happen around you, or if it was you that was being stared at. Thanks for explaining!
Sorry you have to endure that. I would say to talk to the kid in a casual way and explain briefly that you were born that way, but you are okay. Maybe by this time, the parent would notice that someone is talking to their kid and do something about it. In today's world though, (sadly) maybe not.
But, on the other hand I do understand that you don't always feel like getting in conversation with a kid explaining why you are different. This is tough - - - my kids would either not stare (then ask me questions about it later), or smile at you and say "Hi"!! I guess I am not much help!
Actually, you have been helpful. You've given me something else to think about in terms of yet another way to respond to this at times when getting into a conversation with parent or child won't work.
Momma bear-
Your point is a good one, but with all the emphasis on kids being taught not to talk to strangers, I wonder how that would go over!
I think the appropriate response (if any) is going to vary with the situation.
Last edited by observer53; 05-08-2009 at 04:02 PM..
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). Teenagers may be a bit different, but younger children are just curious and need to be given answers.
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