need help with picky eaters...4 and 3! (method, weight, toys, parent)

[highway29south]

Originally Posted by maciesmom

Why is "every meal" a problem? Prepare a healthy, meal (one meal - not one for you and your husband and one for them) balanced with at least one thing you know they will eat. Put it on the table. They can eat one or two bites of everything and if needed a bit more of what they prefer. That's it. If they don't eat then they can have some carrot sticks and milk. Don't make a big deal over it. It will get boring for them eventually. BTW...toddlers/preschoolers will change their minds frequently about things they like - they are just learning that they have some power over themselves. That's just part of growing up. Allow them a few choices withing the realm you are comfortable with for breakfast/lunch ("do you want eggs or cereal today?") but at dinner time you cook one meal....

This is great advice, maciesmom, and it's exactly how we handle our meals. We have three kids, from ages 12 to 6 and we tell them you must take at least two bites of everything on your plate. If they refuse, we save the plate for when they get hungry again that night then heat it up and serve it again. Most of the time, they will eat it.

If they did try one or two bites of each item at dinner, we then let them eat a snack but only something healthy. No sweets or junk food. I think this has helped my kids learn to balance their food choices. That is not to say that they don't go for the sugar when out of my sight, but at least they will add something healthy to it.

I also make a big deal when they eat something healthy. My daughter ate a banana this morning for breakfast and I told her I was impressed by her choice. That improves the chances she will choose a banana or other fruit again for her meals. With my younger kids, I will do a little cheerleading in a silly voice when they eat something healthy, like "yeah, my body is getting something I really wanted: an apple. Yeah, I feel so good now I could just run around all day!" It never fails to get a laugh!

Don't worry, when your kids get older, they will eat everything in sight and you'll spend a small fortune just keeping any kind of food in your house!

[twowolves]

thank you all for the input! I appreciate it.

[Bettylou22]

my kid used to ask for snacks ALL THE TIME. i would ask him if it was snack time or if it was meal time (we had distinct times for snacks and meals - like at school). we'd go to the clock and if it wasn't time to eat, it wasn't time to eat.

as far as kids being picky, they're picky because you taught them to be picky. There are some good suggestions in this thread to get them out of that controlling behavior.

oh! and another thing i learned is that when my kid would ask me for a snack, i would ask him if his tummy was hungry or if his mouth was hungry. much of the time his mouth was hungry (cause he was bored), so we'd do something! (i learned that one from a long-time kindergarten teacher)

[Marlow]

My daughter is not a picky eater and I don't know if it's because we never gave her the opportunity of if it's just how she is. We would just put dinner on the table without any discussion and she would either eat it or not eat it. She went to an in-home daycare with a very grandmotherly babysitter who cooked nice meals and if she didn't eat, I would just tell myself that she must have eaten a lot at Momo's that day. That may or may not have been true, but it kept it from being an issue with me. Later in the evening if she were hungry she'd have a healthy snack like yogurt or something similar.

Also, when she got to be about 4, if she didn't like what we were eating I'd give her the option of making herself a peanut butter sandwich. I wouldn't do it for her and I'd tell her that I'd already fixed a good dinner, but it made her happy to make her own decision and fix her own meal. She only chose to do that a handful of times, but it saved an argument.

One more thing--there is a theory that being a picky eater is a survival skill left over from our hunter/gatherer days. If kids were wandering around by themselves and ate something funny tasting, spitting it out could save their lives. Just something to keep in mind as an incentive not to fight over food with your kids.

[sarahkate_m]

Originally Posted by twowolves

I won't even bother with details here.
Let's just put it this way, I am SO frustrated.
My 4 and 3yr olds are the pickiest eaters. One week they'll eat something and the next, they won't.
I have a hard time getting motivated to cook dinners because 75% of it, they won't eat.
I know, it's prob our fault.
With that said, please help us get out of this bad cycle and nip this in the bud!
Every meal is a problem.
I am so over it!
Thanks.

a/ you can wait til they're really hungry but be sure there's no sugar throughout the day so the hunger isn't just low blood sugar (after eating sugar, there's that high but then there's a slump that follows & it is hunger but a frustration hunger) - I'm a terrible cook so I always tried to wait til my kids were starving to feed them, hence they were more prone to eating *heeehheeee*

b/ ask them to help choose food at the store .... how about we try something from this shelf?... do you know this food makes your bones strong? do you know this food makes your eyes strong? do you know (insert cartoon hero name or name of someone they admire) that X eats this to be smarter than everyone else????

you are probably introducing them to the alphabet so you can incorporate that element into the shopping & selection... maybe make a little menu for them & play restaurant??? cut out pictures (which you can find on the internet & copy/paste into a document then print out!!!! i think they'd LOVE that!) for the menu???

ask them what they want to try for 2 days at a time? 2 days may be the limit of their perspective... tomorrow is a big concept at that age... then you can incorporate learning the days of the WEEK into a MENU!!!

c/ ask them if they would like to help in the kitchen (montessori approach)
... they can learn to grate cheese or veggies. they can help put food on a plate: ask them if it's pretty this way or that... can they make it look "nice" on the plate... can they get things out of the fridge to help you...

d/ ask them to draw pictures of what they like to eat.

the drawing can be perplexing... to you or the one drawing.... when my daughter entered first grade she refused to draw for homework.... WHY? because it didn't LOOK REAL & it was not something she was willing to offer... after much discussion I got her to understand that it would take a lot of practice to make it look real & yes she did enjoy cartoons that don't look real & a drawing looks real it has a special term for it.... photorealism...okay that's the wrong term but it worked at the time...

e/ ask them if they know what food is good for YOU or... daddy if there is one... ask them if they want YOU or ? to have strong bones, etc... because you & your partner are heroes to them! they are still at an age where you're like a giant with love!

they could make a menu for MOMMY/DADDY/etc! they can learn to identify letters, colors, words, food values!

children love learning... if you look up maria montessori & how she developed her style of teaching (which was for handicapped children originally so they could have better potential!!!!) - you'll see how the environment abounds with learning opportunities when the child can be given a way to participate & interact.

their minds are wide open!

best wishes,

Kate

[Mercury Cougar]

Originally Posted by twowolves

I won't even bother with details here.
Let's just put it this way, I am SO frustrated.
My 4 and 3yr olds are the pickiest eaters. One week they'll eat something and the next, they won't.
I have a hard time getting motivated to cook dinners because 75% of it, they won't eat.
I know, it's prob our fault.
With that said, please help us get out of this bad cycle and nip this in the bud!
Every meal is a problem.
I am so over it!
Thanks.

Well, if they're hungry enough they'll eat what you make for them. So prepare your meal and if they don't want to eat it, make it clear that it's what is available and that they can choose not to eat it, but nothing else will be forthcoming until the next regular mealtime.

That said, making it more interesting to eat the food can help picky eaters. Food cut into fun shapes, or food combinations they get to build themselves for instance like a baked potato where they get to choose from a selection of colorful toppings.

I didn't allow my children to refuse new food outright either. If it was part of the meal, they had to at least try one mouthful. If they didn't like it, that was fine, but they had to at least try it. Allowing them to help you cook the food can also encourage them to eat it, because "they made it".

[twowolves]

thank you both! more great advice. Kate you seem to be quite creative!

[malamute]

Originally Posted by Marlow

My daughter is not a picky eater and I don't know if it's because we never gave her the opportunity of if it's just how she is. We would just put dinner on the table without any discussion and she would either eat it or not eat it. She went to an in-home daycare with a very grandmotherly babysitter who cooked nice meals and if she didn't eat, I would just tell myself that she must have eaten a lot at Momo's that day. That may or may not have been true, but it kept it from being an issue with me. Later in the evening if she were hungry she'd have a healthy snack like yogurt or something similar.

Also, when she got to be about 4, if she didn't like what we were eating I'd give her the option of making herself a peanut butter sandwich. I wouldn't do it for her and I'd tell her that I'd already fixed a good dinner, but it made her happy to make her own decision and fix her own meal. She only chose to do that a handful of times, but it saved an argument.

One more thing--there is a theory that being a picky eater is a survival skill left over from our hunter/gatherer days. If kids were wandering around by themselves and ate something funny tasting, spitting it out could save their lives. Just something to keep in mind as an incentive not to fight over food with your kids.

I think your daughter isn't a picky eater because you didn't make food and eating any big issue.

I hate food fights and disrupted and angry meals. I think that creates many of the eating disorders, obesity and other eating problems we see.

As long as the only foods around are wholesome and nutritious, it doesn't matter if they are nibblers or can eat 2 adult size servings of complete meals.

If my kids don't like a certain kind of food like peas for example, I never saw the point of forcing them to choke them down. They might eat plenty of raw carrots instead so why make an issue out of nothing.

[aidxen]

Prepare the same food for the whole family. (Unless you are into real hot curries in which case prepare a no spice version for the kids).
Sit at the table together as a family with the TV off.
Everyone stays till the adults say its OK to leave.
Don't force them to eat. If they don't want it, let them leave it on their plate.
Don't make a battle out of it.
No little snacks between meals though.
May have to go to bed hungry. Thats the way it is.

[beachmel]

Our children did not eat many meals at other people's houses, therefore, they rarely picked things up from other kids like that. We were not picky people and always ate healthy. We didn't discuss and ewwww things that we didn't like to eat. The meal was made, if they didn't want to eat it, it got saran wrap put on it and it was placed in the refrigerator. If they got hungry later, it was warmed up in the microwave. We didn't offer something else. Our home was not a restaurant, what was for dinner was what was for dinner. If they didn't eat at least 1/2 of their dinner, there was no dessert.....PERIOD. No dinner, no dessert. They had to try everything and it certainly was not open to arguement. Also, when the older kids made comments to the younger ones....just being kids mind you..say like...."Ewwwww doesn't that rice look like maggots?....ewwww maybe it IS maggots!" They were immediately reprimanded, made to apologize to the younger one and explain that they were just teasing...AND if they got smart mouthed about it, were made to leave the table....dinner was OVER for them, "and if you want to eat dinner with this family from here on out, you will refrain from making ridiculous statements in the future...otherwise, you may eat your dinner in your room."

You know, as an afterthought here? Sometimes, my kids just weren't hungry at mealtime...we'd give it a shot, then put their meal in the fridge and excuse them from the table. An hour later, they were hungry and were perfectly content with what we'd had for dinner. Everyone isn't hungry at the same time and teaching kids to eat when they're not hungry is a bad idea....IMHO

Our childreen have grown up to completely WOW their friends' parents when they got older. Not only will our children try just about any new food, because they were exposed to so many different types of foods, but they had impeccable table manners as well....never inappropriate or rude. As with anything in life.....it's hard work, but very rewarding, both for you and your children. Again, if they don't want to eat, perhaps they just don't feel like eating right NOW. Cover the plate with plastic wrap and put it in the fridge.

Oh.... by the way, explore a few different ways of cooking those vegetables. Throw a little white sauce on them, maybe drizzle some cheese sauce? Sautee the carrots with some butter and brown sugar?....serve raw veggies with dip? Take the time to incorporate things they DO like into the veggies. My kids were a little iffy with green beans...but they went crazy over them when I prepared them by first frying up 4 slices of bacon, a bit of diced onion, then adding the green beans (sans water) and adding a diced tomato to the blend. Make your foods interesting...they'll eat them.