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Up to this day, my parents carry certain dislike towards him but mainly my father who has never met him in person. How this started: Me and my boyfriend who hanged out often around my neighborhood when my father was working (I was 19 and he 21 at the time). While dad was at work, he would come to my house. My mother at first liked him and so I was thinking ''Cool, at least I got my mother liking him''. My father had an idea it was my boyfriend but didn't want to meet him because he wasn't a college student while I was plus he was strict when it comes to guys. But I would still find a way out anyways......
How the conflict started: While my father was then in our native country trying to find a job there, now my boyfriend come to my house more often. It when he shared my bed (at first we did nothing but cuddle as I was virgin then) my mother started not liking it. However, she was the one that let him spend the night with me. Then all the argument started.
The conflict of now: To make story short, I finally lost virginity to him in my bedroom as he would sleepover at times. Then off course mom freaks out about it how we were disrespecting the rules, how he is a user, etc.. She was becoming worst than my father. She's the one that first let him sleepover so why now talk trash about him. Anyways it led to her arguing with him and calling him all sorts of names.. This is 3 years ago.
Present: Now that I'm in my country with parents, they still don't like him very much. Is that really that bad to dislike a boyfriend. Ok so we had sex and did all the other stuff in my bedroom while dad was away and mom sleeping but it's not like he's a drug-dealer or I'm doing dangerous things. According to my father, he did on occassions expressed his great dislike because he stated how he never even met him and he disregarded his house. My mom is somewhat in the middle sometimes. There are times she starts to like him again but it was that single act that she gets reminded and then goes into not liking him very much.
It's not he's a stranger or drug dealer. Big deal, I was 19 almost 20 then. Is that something to overreact that much?? Off course they don't talk about him hardly but still, it sure made a big fuzz over it.... I really have no regrets for it. The way dad talked once, made it sounded like I did something immoral. It's not like I was an alcoholic or been in jail.
I think it may be time for you to find new living arrangements. As long as you are living under their roof, they have every right to expect you to respect their rules no matter what your age.
your parent's house, your parent's rules. I would never ever have asked or expected my parents to allow my boyfriend to sleep over, no matter how great a guy he was, or how much they liked him. I think it is pretty normal for parents to forbid unmarried couples to sleep in the same room at their house.
While I can't exactly say your parents anger towards your b/f is justified...the others are right, it IS THEIR home and they get to choose the rules. The reason why I don't think they should hold a grudge against him is because YOU are THEIR daughter and should be held AS accountable for anything that transpired in their home. I am not in any way trying to suggest you did anything wrong (I think its kind of looney to think two people your age who are a couple could share the same bed night after night and expect nothing to take place). It's just that I think you should be held responsible for abiding to the rules in your parents home to at least the same degree that he is. I really think getting your own place is the best option.
Another one in the "parent's house, parent's rules" camp....You and your bf disrespected them, their house and their values and you can't understand why they don't respect him? Why should they? Just because he's not a drug dealer - you earn respect by doing positive things not by simply avoiding the worst.
Why would your parents like a boy who didn't have the slightest respect for them or their house? It doesn't sound like he had much respect for you either going about it this way. Your best bet is to move from your parents' home, stop living like a little girl and grow up.
I think its kind of looney to think two people your age who are a couple could share the same bed night after night and expect nothing to take place.
Yes off course I agree with that. My father in his most innocent mind must have thought that I was not into dating and would wait till marriage. That must have been hard on him, knowing I no longer was virgin but almost everyone does it at some point in their lives. And well my mother also wanted me to wait as well. I don't get that mentality. It's not the 1960's no more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoHoVe
I think you should be held responsible for abiding to the rules in your parents home to at least the same degree that he is. I really think getting your own place is the best option.
Yes I guess so but it's him being seen as the ''bad guy'' while I'm the girl who got her innocence robbed. I think it's because I was the virgin and he wasn't but see, I wanted it just like he wanted it too. According to my father, he described my boyfriend as a user, player who took my innocence away as well as values (well I never believed in waiting till marriage, I was more into waiting till I'm ready) and he also states that it's likely I wasn't ready but he took advantage of me and my inexperience. In other words, he has portrait him as worst than a criminal. First of all it was my idea to lose virginity. I'm the one that initiated it, not him. He was just sitting there and I jump on top on him. Then it went on from there....
Did he took advantage of me? If so then why would he be calling me many times now that we're long distance? It's been a long while now and my guess is any guy would have long forgotten about me. But yes I'm going to move out sooner.
Most likely your father isn't the naive dolt you take him to be -- even if he's from "the old country". Likely your father is right except that his daughter is far from innocent but lured the boy into his home for sexual romps behind his back. It still doesn't mean your old country father is wrong about the boy - but don't you prefer that your own father believes in some good in you?
so your mom allowed him to sleep over before she knew you had sex? Was the rule clearly defined? "ok to sleep, but no sex" ? She probably shouldn't have allowed sleepovers at all.
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