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If a family member came to you asking for money, would you give it?
What if that family member was known to be very irresponsible with money, but had also just gone through a really unusual situation that affected him very badly financially?
And what about if you wanted to give it, and were able to give it, but it was a stretch for you financially?
Just how far would you go for family?
My mother and my sister are very good with money. If they ever needed a helping hand, and I was able, I would do it, no question.
On the other hand, my father and most of his side of the family are pretty much terrible with money, and have addiction problems besides. I pretty much wouldn't lend them or give them any money, ever, even if I was extremely wealthy. It would just be enabling their issues. Now if it were a life or death issue, I probably would pay a medical bill for them, but I still wouldn't just hand them the money.
So for me it isn't an easy "they are family, of course I would help them".
I'd consider giving them a short term bedroom, or some food. But to give family straight up cash, isn't really something I'd do.
I don't consider most of my family very... money intelligent. Nor do I consider my siblings very responsible. One is 20 and makes no effort to get a job, pays nothing on her own, milks the "student" tag.
For a family member that has been historically irresponsible with money, probably would not give them anything. Had they been more responsible along the way, what are the chances that the incident would have hurt them that badly?? For a family member that is very responsible and had something unusual happen, it would depend on the circumstances. Generally, however, I would give support with housing, etc. and not money....but then again, it would depend. On the flip side, I would never ASK for money from anyone either.
As Lacerta says: For me it would depend on who was asking and why.
My brother is/has been irresponsible in some things (money and life choices -- such as having ten kids -- all one wife though, thank Gd) and not being able to afford that.
....but has been very responsible in others (devotion to family).
He is the main sibling looking after our 88-year-old mom w/ early dementia.....so I (who controls the finances) "put up with" helping him out from time to time....."in exchange" for his help for my mom, which would cost even more than the money we give him if we had to pay a non-family member for all he does.
His mortgage is three months behind and faces foreclosure at least once a year and in the last three months his water, electric and cell phone have all been either shut of -- or SAVED from shut off because I've had my mom pay for them. In July 350.00 so the water wasn't cut off from the street, two days ago 1,200.00 to get the electric turned back on. In addition to another 1,200.00 this year.
BUT he IS devoted to our mom ...and I need him to take my mom to SC for my uncle's 80th birthday party. He's taking time off from work and driving her 12 hours for two days (actually they're on the road right now)...so I reluctantly pay some of his bills.....if his electric had been cut off next week Gd knows his family would still be in the dark!! TWO DAYS before their trip and his frigging electric gets cut off!
But things happen for a reason. I guess I need to work on my Christian charity, because I declare if I didn't need him to take my mom today......I wouldn't help him any more. I don't want to say he and his kids could end up in the street for all I care, but I'm tired of supporting his irresponsibility....but I do it for NOW.
30 years and he's never gotten his act together...but I need him....for now....
ETA: I have my mom give my other siblings about 200.00 a year to TRY to stave off resentment. It's no where NEAR even in terms of the money, but.....
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
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My sister was between jobs and had run out of unemployment and savings. She never mentioned much about it to me. I just sent her a personal check for $500 without asking and without me telling her I did it.
No big deal. It wasn't much, but it helped her out. She knows it was a gift, not a loan.
Pretty minimal. Most of my family (blood and in-laws) are atrocious with money. I hate to help because I feel like I'm just supporting their ridiculous decisions. I did let my BIL and his teenage son move in this summer when BIL lost his job. What a fiasco that was. Anyway I would like to help but if I gave them all money every time they were in a crisis, I'd be bankrupt.
When you have a wife/husband and kids, they become your "family". Brothers, sisters, Mom, Dad unfortunately for them come second. If it is any sort of "stretch" to help them you can not risk putting your family in a bad situation to help them.
ETA: I have my mom give my other siblings about 200.00 a year to TRY to stave off resentment. It's no where NEAR even in terms of the money, but.....
Interesting situation you have going on there. You are able to dictate how much money your mom gives to your other siblings?
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