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As a kid who was put through all kinds of screwed up daycare situations back in 1970s after my regular daycare provider was injured for a while, I support SAHM. My own mother worked full-time. One babysitter locked us kids up in a room empty of toys and no TV for a few days, just leaving us the teddy bears we were allowed. Weather was fine and we could see the playground equipment outside the room..Her explanation, it motivates kids to nap but I mean we were left in there all day a couple times to force it...
Had one babysitter threaten to kill me for looking up from a nap. Funny, was used to a belligerent parent so did not really get response from me but OH WELL.
Another daycare wanted to charge more for accidents/not potty trained and we were not allowed good access to bathrooms, due to # of kids at the place...
These stories are from a 4-year old who could complain for the 2-year-old sibling.
I would not want anyone else taking care of my child, not even both of my parents due to my father's temper. In a healthy, balanced relationship with cooperative parents who agree they do not want their children in daycare or paying for multiple kids to go to daycare, I see this as a viable moral choice or personal priority. Of course, it is not for everyone and people change over-time too, everyone has different baggage and emotional intelligence. I do think daycare can be seen as a positive as a child gets older, and using it would help achieve a child better prepared for school and socialized better...There are also more opportunities as the children age for the parent responsible for childcare to pick up part-time hours and more as the children age into school.
Now that you mention it, I had horrible experiences with daycares too. When I was perhaps 2, had one lady that would lock me out in the backyard. Or the times I'd get nasty threats and aggressive actions against me for waking up from a nap or other petty things. My mother worked full time and she was always angry. I hated that she worked and was so mad at the world for it. My brother and I would do the household chores so she didn't have to, but this was rarely up to her standards and expectations. And between that and her attitude with work, she'd come home ready to yell at my father, who was also hot tempered and more than happy to antagonize back and forth. To this day I resent that she wasn't at home and neither parent was ever available for any of my extra circulars, which looking back made me stop going to anything. Nor did they ever help me (I was selected to do the spelling bee for my class in 2nd grade. instead of asking a word and having me spell it for practice and actively being engaged, they both completely ignored me or told me to go study the word list. It felt like a punishment than the honor it should have been. For the record, I performed poorly in the competition).
I don't want that for my children. I want my wife to be there for my kids. I want to be there for my kids to, but also know that it's my duty to financially provide first. In either case, she'd fill the role I can't instead of opting to also work when she doesn't need to and neglect the children.
There's more to it of course, but the care of my children is an integral part of why I want a housewife. And if that means we have to "settle" for Toyotas instead of BMWs and 3 bed, 2 bath instead of a McMansion, then I think it's worth it.
Didn't most divorced people think they picked the right person when they were brides and grooms?….
I'd be willing to believe that most people just gloss over the glaring issues and red flags in a relationship. Just believe in the "love fixes everything" idea and act like things don't bother them.
Then a year of the issue starts to wear them down.
And another year and they're sick of it.
And so on until they crack, turning to arguing, and then it's over.
I now I asked, "Didn't most divorced people think they picked the right person when they were brides and grooms?"
But I'd love to know what percentage of people DID have second thoughts -- wished they could cancel, or at least postpone -- the wedding…..but "the invitations were already sent out" so they went went ahead with it so as not to waste money, people's time, or be embarrassed. I've been told the pressure NOT to cancel is ENORMOUS.
But my mama told me…no one ever died from embarrassment.
Maybe I'll search and see if I can find any numbers on this.
ETA: Only thing I could find was from a 2009 MarieClaire article that said 10-15% of weddings are called off every year. Found nothing on the percentage of couples who wish they HAD called it off.
The average person can't afford the cost of long-term disability insurance, though. (Now life insurance is another story; it's generally affordable if the working partner is insured using term life insurance rather than one of the whole life or universal life policies.)
That's for sure. Unless you can buy it on a corporate group plan, it's staggeringly expensive. I had to dig into this in Q1 2015. My business unit got sold to a Korean company that didn't have LTD. I couldn't believe how much private LTD insurance cost. It was 10x more than the group insurance my new employer made available in Q2. I have no problem paying $100-ish per month for long term disability insurance. The quotes I was getting for individual plans were more like $1000 per month.
Long term care insurance is similar. Something like early onset Alzheimer's, ALS, etc will wipe out the savings of most families. Private long term insurance that would have enough coverage to deal with those issues where you need a half-dozen or more years of care is staggeringly expensive.
I'd be willing to believe that most people just gloss over the glaring issues and red flags in a relationship. Just believe in the "love fixes everything" idea and act like things don't bother them.
Then a year of the issue starts to wear them down.
And another year and they're sick of it.
And so on until they crack, turning to arguing, and then it's over.
This is one of the most uninformed things I've ever read.
I know at least one woman who use kids as their insurance for not having to work. These women should have married a man that didn't have to work 2 jobs.
A person is only making a stupid choice -when making the difficult decision to take a break from working to raise their own kids - if they had kids with a person they do not trust, or who would make them feel vulnerable.
Otherwise, raising your own kids is one of the most unselfish, loving, generous acts a person can choose to do with a portion of their lives. Investing your time, love, energy, everything into growing your own family is well worth it. But it really only works if you have built a strong foundation with your partner first. Otherwise, it can be a risky endeavor.
And also something to remember: just because a person chooses to stop working in order to raise their own family, it doesn't mean that is how things are going to be forever. Kids grow up! Most parents head back to university or back to work once the kids are older. Kids are only young for a very short amount of time.
Some partners also find that having one home while the other works makes for a happier marriage. If they can financially swing that, and it makes them happy, why should anyone judge them for that?
Now that you mention it, I had horrible experiences with daycares too. When I was perhaps 2, had one lady that would lock me out in the backyard. Or the times I'd get nasty threats and aggressive actions against me for waking up from a nap or other petty things. My mother worked full time and she was always angry. I hated that she worked and was so mad at the world for it. My brother and I would do the household chores so she didn't have to, but this was rarely up to her standards and expectations. And between that and her attitude with work, she'd come home ready to yell at my father, who was also hot tempered and more than happy to antagonize back and forth. To this day I resent that she wasn't at home and neither parent was ever available for any of my extra circulars, which looking back made me stop going to anything. Nor did they ever help me (I was selected to do the spelling bee for my class in 2nd grade. instead of asking a word and having me spell it for practice and actively being engaged, they both completely ignored me or told me to go study the word list. It felt like a punishment than the honor it should have been. For the record, I performed poorly in the competition).
I don't want that for my children. I want my wife to be there for my kids. I want to be there for my kids to, but also know that it's my duty to financially provide first. In either case, she'd fill the role I can't instead of opting to also work when she doesn't need to and neglect the children.
There's more to it of course, but the care of my children is an integral part of why I want a housewife. And if that means we have to "settle" for Toyotas instead of BMWs and 3 bed, 2 bath instead of a McMansion, then I think it's worth it.
Do you really think your mother would have been all nice and smiling every day if she'd been a SAHM? That is your romanticized view as a child. Some people are just negative, angry people and they bring that to every situation - even if she said she was mad about work that doesn't necessarily make it so.
I know at least one woman who use kids as their insurance for not having to work. These women should have married a man that didn't have to work 2 jobs.
I knew a man who gladly worked several jobs so that his wife could stay home to keep the home fires burning and be available for him and their children when needed. She was happy, he was happy, and the kids were happy. It worked for them. She packed his lunches every day, woke up early so they could have breakfasts together before the kids woke up, and he made sure to plan it so they could sit at the dinner table together for dinner before he had to go work the night shift. Two whole days a week they had together to relax at their lake house.
How is that any worse or better than families where both spouses work, the kids - as young as 6 months old - are in day care without their parents 10-12 hours a day, the house is a mess (unless you hire a maid to clean it for you) and weekends are spent doing all the things you didn't have time to do all week because you were both too busy at the office working? Most families I know where both parents work often grab McD's or something similar for dinner. No time for home cooked meals, unless it is something you throw in the oven to reheat. But, maybe, this is what this family prefers? Maybe neither one of them like to cook, or like to "keep house", or even like the process of raising kids (it's not for everybody ). You can love your kids but honestly feel like they would have more fun and learn more in day care!
I speak from experience on this issue because my husband and I have tried it all kinds of ways. We've been together 22 years. We have kids. We've done it where he stayed home and I worked, we both worked, and he worked and I stayed home. We eventually found what works best for us.
There's no one perfect solution for all families with children. There is only whatever works best for each individual family and their situation.
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). You can love your kids but honestly feel like they would have more fun and learn more in day care! 
