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I usually post here to help people deal with there relocation questions, but I saw this subforum and felt compelled to post.
I am currently a senior in college, and the situation my parents are in is just making me ill. On the surface, both my mother and father bring in decent salaries, and from the outside live a comfortable, but not extravagant lifestyle. The truth is my parents are in debt up to their eyeballs and they seem to be oblivious to it.
Most of the problems boil down to mom mother's inability to hold down a job. It started in 2000 when my mother lost her job. She was able to find one 3 months later, but it was at a lower pay rate than what she was making. However, our family's lifestyle didn't change, and the difference was being made up with credit cards. I was only in the eighth grade but I knew something was up. She only had that job for a year, then 9/11 happen and she lost that one. She was able to find another job, but just like last time she got a job at a much lower pay rate. And again, our lifestyle as a family didn't change. The doozy came in 2004, when again, a difference of opinion between her and her boss led to a job loss in 2004, and this time she was out of work for a year and a half. During this time, she decided to go back to school and get her MBA, as well as go ahead and start up a business. Those are all fine, but she financed it by getting into MORE debt with credit cards and student loans. In this time I went to college and paid for it largely by myself. When I would come home, I would find all the NEW STUFF they bought, knowing good and well they couldn't afford it. Well now, my mom, who found a new, well paying job during this time, wants to quit and do her business full time. It would be okay if it weren't for the fact that her business really isn't up and running (its still operating at a loss) and with the economy going the way it is it could very well fail, just as all of her student loans are about to come due.
I know that I'm sounding like I'm ragging on my mom, but my dad is just at fault because he spends just as much on useless junk that they don't need. Ironically my father has received several promotions at his job and is making a lot more money now than ever, but they just keep buying more and more instead of paying down debt. I know for a fact that just between credit cards and student loans they have a debt load pushing six figures. Thats not including mortgage, car loans, etc. I've tried to confront them on this but every time I do the discussion usually blows up into an argument and my parents tell me I should just "mind my own business." I think with the prospect of possibly loosing another source of income, my dad is starting to wise up to just what a bad situation they are in, but neither he, nor my older sister, refuse to confront my mother on the situation. And there situation just keeps getting worse and worse. I've had nightmares in which my parents loose the house, their cars, and I think this is just foreboding whats about to happen. I've though about calling a financial advisor and paying for the fee myself, but they have shot down the idea. I think I'm going to do it anyway. I just feel terrible sitting here watching my parents commit financial suicide and do nothing about it. What should I do?
I have been in your situation, but with other family members as well as close friends. The best advice I can give you is to stay out of it. Much like a drug addict, until they admit they have a problem and actually want help they will resent you for interfering.
Kudos to you for breaking the cycle. Lead by example and be ready to jump in when they are ready for help.
Sadly, everyone here is correct. They are going to have to learn this lesson the hard way. Do they have anything put away for retirement? If not, that's going to be a nightmare situation for your whole family. Perhaps you can approach them from that direction instead of discussing their spending habits. Maybe that's the hook to get them to speak with a financial advisor. Good luck!
I usually post here to help people deal with there relocation questions, but I saw this subforum and felt compelled to post.
I am currently a senior in college, and the situation my parents are in is just making me ill. On the surface, both my mother and father bring in decent salaries, and from the outside live a comfortable, but not extravagant lifestyle. The truth is my parents are in debt up to their eyeballs and they seem to be oblivious to it.
Most of the problems boil down to mom mother's inability to hold down a job. It started in 2000 when my mother lost her job. She was able to find one 3 months later, but it was at a lower pay rate than what she was making. However, our family's lifestyle didn't change, and the difference was being made up with credit cards. I was only in the eighth grade but I knew something was up. She only had that job for a year, then 9/11 happen and she lost that one. She was able to find another job, but just like last time she got a job at a much lower pay rate. And again, our lifestyle as a family didn't change. The doozy came in 2004, when again, a difference of opinion between her and her boss led to a job loss in 2004, and this time she was out of work for a year and a half. During this time, she decided to go back to school and get her MBA, as well as go ahead and start up a business. Those are all fine, but she financed it by getting into MORE debt with credit cards and student loans. In this time I went to college and paid for it largely by myself. When I would come home, I would find all the NEW STUFF they bought, knowing good and well they couldn't afford it. Well now, my mom, who found a new, well paying job during this time, wants to quit and do her business full time. It would be okay if it weren't for the fact that her business really isn't up and running (its still operating at a loss) and with the economy going the way it is it could very well fail, just as all of her student loans are about to come due.
I know that I'm sounding like I'm ragging on my mom, but my dad is just at fault because he spends just as much on useless junk that they don't need. Ironically my father has received several promotions at his job and is making a lot more money now than ever, but they just keep buying more and more instead of paying down debt. I know for a fact that just between credit cards and student loans they have a debt load pushing six figures. Thats not including mortgage, car loans, etc. I've tried to confront them on this but every time I do the discussion usually blows up into an argument and my parents tell me I should just "mind my own business." I think with the prospect of possibly loosing another source of income, my dad is starting to wise up to just what a bad situation they are in, but neither he, nor my older sister, refuse to confront my mother on the situation. And there situation just keeps getting worse and worse. I've had nightmares in which my parents loose the house, their cars, and I think this is just foreboding whats about to happen. I've though about calling a financial advisor and paying for the fee myself, but they have shot down the idea. I think I'm going to do it anyway. I just feel terrible sitting here watching my parents commit financial suicide and do nothing about it. What should I do?
Oh sweet jesus....how did you turn out so sensible out of their financial mess? What really bothers me here is that your parents didn't help you pay for your college. I know this is the american way making your child pay their own way through college and I did it as well but its just not fair at that age to be burdened with 30-60k in student loans fresh out of school.
I agree that there really isn't not much you can do...you can continue to keep on them about it though, maybe eventually they will come around but I doubt it. Like I say, debt is like a drug...they need to hit that rock bottom before they finally realize that they're in trouble.
Soonerskates, just keep on them about it though....its like role reversal, you are the parent and they are the child. Keep reminding them from time to time what mess they're getting into(divorce or bankruptcy). Good luck!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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The other posters are right, you'll just have to let them hit bottom without any financial help from you. Continue to love them but be firm and say no if they ask you for $$$.
Just make sure you are handling your own financial business.
Have you started listening to Dave Ramsey about reducing debt on your local radio station (1-4 pm Central) ? You might tune in to hear his message than guide your parents his way. He has several books out that you might buy them for Christmas.
I've though about calling a financial advisor and paying for the fee myself, but they have shot down the idea. I think I'm going to do it anyway. I just feel terrible sitting here watching my parents commit financial suicide and do nothing about it. What should I do?
Do nothing. There's nothing worse than a meddling brat. They're adults, and they're doing exactly what they want to do with their lives. It's okay to be concerned and even display concern, but they've made their position quite clear, so don't bring it up again and start moving forward with your life before it's too late.
You are going through so much right now, and your wisdom is refreshing considering your parents choices. I think you should continue to persist and try your best to drill the message in your parents head. They will get mad at you, and they will continue to tell you to mind your own business. But at the end of the day if the debt with your parents gets worse, you might blame yourself for not saying enough. Even some sort of sudo intervention would be really good-you could read out your post on this msg board to them, and hopefully it will help bring your parents back to reality.
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