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I don't ever recall my parents or mom saying, "You must be a virgin at marriage" & they were quite strict. I don't personally know who nowadays does, but I don't know many people myself in general. I'm sure a certain amount of parents do out there & it's their prerogative to do it. They want to raise their child with good values that may hopefully prevent them from messing up their lives. I don't care if it's the year 1960 OR 2060, parents should raise their kids w/ hopefully good morals, ethics, & values.
I was born in 1975. I have/had very strict parents who raised me in church in which our religion was to not have sex until marriage OR I guess at least TRY not to.
My parents wouldn't let me date until I was 18 AND graduated from high school. My senior prom was my 1st date. (It was for my female cousin too.) They wanted me to focus on studies & they knew that if people date young, they'll want to have sex young because it's logical human nature. It's the next step in a relationship. That then results in possible teen pregnancy. You tell me who of ANY age dates for 5-7+ yrs & never even thinks about having sex? Not really anyone, unless they BOTH take some kind of celibacy vows.
As strict as my parents were, even I broke down. I dated my 1st BF from ages 19 - 23 & we finally had sex about 3 yrs into it. (They still don't know that till this day.)
Even w/ my next & current BF, I didn't have sex right away by any means just because I had finally done it already (w/ the previous guy). We didn't have it for a long, long time. But then, eventually, I guess my mom knows that we've probably done it because I'm WAY into adulthood by now.
I'm not talking about what kids are actually doing. I mean are there any parents who sit their kids down at any age and tell them they need to be virgins when they get married.
With our first kids I told them that when they were preteens and we were having our many sex education talks. I knew my teaching would change as they grew older but didn't think they could handle hearing that then. And we were involved in church and they were probably hearing the same thing there in youth group, etc. As they got into their early teens and started telling me about their friends I gave them as much education and information as I could but edited my talk to include that they would be much better off if they could wait till they were out of high school and probably even deep into college. I told them by then I hoped they would have the maturity and foresight to make serious decisions which would impact their whole lives.
DD made it to 19 and DS made it to 20.
Now I have 11 year olds and I'm not even going to go through the "be a virgin when you marry" charade at any point with them. I have been giving them info as they ask and as I see fit and it will get more intense as they get older. I will tell them we don't want them to have sex until they have graduated from high school but it would be even better if they waited as long as possible.
But it made me wonder if there are still parents who put the whole virgin guilt trip and promise rings from Daddy (which is extremely creepy to me) on their kids. Times have changed. When I used to say that to my mother she always said "But right and wrong don't change" But guess what? They do.
Nope. I've decided to teach my kids about safe sex, and not to be ashamed of sex or to have weird issues about it. I hope to be open with them. I was having sex at 15 years old and because I was safe about it, it did no harm in my life whatsoever.
I'm not talking about what kids are actually doing. I mean are there any parents who sit their kids down at any age and tell them they need to be virgins when they get married.
With our first kids I told them that when they were preteens and we were having our many sex education talks. I knew my teaching would change as they grew older but didn't think they could handle hearing that then. And we were involved in church and they were probably hearing the same thing there in youth group, etc. As they got into their early teens and started telling me about their friends I gave them as much education and information as I could but edited my talk to include that they would be much better off if they could wait till they were out of high school and probably even deep into college. I told them by then I hoped they would have the maturity and foresight to make serious decisions which would impact their whole lives.
DD made it to 19 and DS made it to 20.
Now I have 11 year olds and I'm not even going to go through the "be a virgin when you marry" charade at any point with them. I have been giving them info as they ask and as I see fit and it will get more intense as they get older. I will tell them we don't want them to have sex until they have graduated from high school but it would be even better if they waited as long as possible.
But it made me wonder if there are still parents who put the whole virgin guilt trip and promise rings from Daddy (which is extremely creepy to me) on their kids. Times have changed. When I used to say that to my mother she always said "But right and wrong don't change" But guess what? They do.
Eeeewwwww! NO! I taught them about safe sex, NO means NO, being drunk is NOT a yes (I have boys), being unsure is not a yes, being asleep or passed out is not a yes, acting provocatively is not a yes, and that they will feel much better about themselves as human beings if they are selective and choose to engage with women they truly care about and respect, and that sex is a wonderful, natural thing but it should not be the ultimate goal, a conquest. I told them I hoped they would wait until they were at least 18 and in a caring relationship before having sex, but regardless, at ANY TIME they were thinking of having sex, I would buy them a costco sized supply of condoms, and to USE them each and every time.
I'm certainly not anti sex, but I do believe young children today and probably years ago, babies born at 15 or younger to children, is not the greatest teaching. Girls especially read so much more into sex than boys. I hear more and more today about so many babies out there being raised by young girls. I think it's not the way to go.
Short story, I have a woman come once a month to help me with house cleaning and laundry and a youngish woman came last month and I get to know them, we talk where they are from etc and family etc and she said her mother had her at 13. I was in shock.
Last edited by jaminhealth; 09-28-2018 at 09:37 PM..
There's a huge difference between telling kids that you would prefer they be virgins before marrying but also telling them the facts of life and about birth control, and simply telling them they must be celibate in order to be considered worthy and virtuous. Huge difference. You can prepare them or you can set them up for failure.
There's a huge difference between telling kids that you would prefer they be virgins before marrying but also telling them the facts of life and about birth control, and simply telling them they must be celibate in order to be considered worthy and virtuous. Huge difference. You can prepare them or you can set them up for failure.
Yes, that makes sense.
I don’t want to instill the sexual shame my parents and church instilled in me.
Yet, I want my kids to be aware of potential consequences.
One in 5 Americans have STDs. Plus the chance of pregnancy.
So, I’ve explained to them that they shouldn’t have sex until they are able to live with the potential side effects - like 18 years of caring for a child.
Aristotle (& probably many others) explained how when a person or society is extreme in one way - the appropriate response is the opposite extreme - until there’s a balanced moderation. Considering how sex is pushed so much... I tend to take a more conservative approach in teaching my kids about it, than I might if society wasn’t so sexually obsessed.
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