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So what about the single mother who is attending college, is a homeowner, has a decent savings, and owns outright a nice car? Doesn't go out partying at all. Spends time bringing child to the zoo, fishing, musuems, etc. Hasn't taken a penny from welfare, has been self sufficient, and is in better shape than even most married couples. Because I decided to cut off the dead weight, I am now being called names. You don't think I would love to be married and have an equal partner? However, instead of spending my time trying to find a "man", I would rather spend it with my child. Instead of going to the bar or dating, I would rather watch Cinderella for the 100th time. Not because I have too, but because I want too.
You are exactly the type of woman who threatens the OP, because he realizes that women CAN be self-sufficient, that they don't necessarily NEED a man, that they can wait until the right man comes along without compromising their quality of life.
Ergo, all the name-calling. If you were in an abusive relationship; you should recognize the signs, the first being attacks on your self-esteem...
but it does seem brutally unfair that these women can be so free with unprotected sex and just "pop out" several children by different "baby daddies" with ease. Then there are other women who try to be responsible: avoid premarital sex, get an education, establish a career, get married, buy a house, save money, etc. etc. etc. only to find they have fertility issues. My oldest daughter and her DH did all of the above only to struggle with the pain and expense of infertility treatment before conceiving. She feels like they are being "punished" for trying to do things the "right" way. I can't say I don't agree with her.
Having children is not a "reward" and not having children is not "punishment," it's biology.
Regardless of what society now tells us, the time when women are most fertile and most biologically healthy and able to bear children is in the late teens and 20's, not 35 or 40. The women who choose to wait and do all the things you list above have generally passed their most fertile time. You can say it's right or wrong, I don't care, but women who wait until 35, 40 or beyond to have children shouldn't be surprised when things don't go exactly as planned.
As far as being unprotected and "popping out" babies - What a great term <sarcasm!> why isn't it ever applied to fathers? Oh yeah, because only women get to be judged on their sexual activity, not men. And, once again, birth control fails all the time.
No one is saying that a woman shouldn't leave an abusive man (or vice versa). Let's stop clouding the issues with dishonest talking points.
The facts are that single parent children are on the rise, this has bad consequences throughout society and needs to be addressed. Perhaps the Republicans aren't coming up with the best solutions, but pretending that it doesn't exist isn't a solution.
What is a good solution?
Unless you are specifically talking to every mom you see on the street without a man on her arm, you have NO idea what her situation is. Instead, people jump to judgment and conclusions because they see X number of kids, or no wedding ring, or a woman who might be poor, or skin color, or whatever else they've decided is their judgment call.
Let me give you an example: When my youngest daughter was in kindergarten, her married, Catholic teacher was pregnant. This was her second child, she had a good job as a teacher, a husband, etc. A week after the baby was born, her husband decided he just didn't want to be married and be a father anymore and he just up and left her. Let me repeat that: He just up and left a wife and two children, one of them being a newborn baby.
Do you think that was in her plan? Did she do everything right, follow all the rules? Is there any way that you would know her story if you saw her walking down the street with a stroller and no wedding ring? No, of course not.
Now here's the most important question: What was the punishment for the irresponsible father? After all, she had to quit her job, move home with her parents, go through the stigma of divorce as a Catholic, raise two children alone, and also try to explain to her kids where their father was and why he left. So what was his punishment? Oh yeah, nothing.
As I have said repeatedly, when fathers can walk away scot free from the families that they help create - regardless of the circumstances - there will be NO change in the situations that everyone here is complaining about. Fathers need to be held completely responsible for the children they create, and a pittance of child support is not what I am talking about. If they refuse to take responsibility, there should be consequences for them, not continual punishment and judgment of the mothers.
would all the posters who don't like single women who have babies rather they abort instead? are you all pro choice? or prefer they just don't have sex?
It seems that everywhere I turn, someone is bragging about being a "single mother". Or churches are having a "day of beauty" at a local spa for "single mothers". Or there is a special drive for the children of local single mothers.
An employee several years ago played the "single mother card" with me repeatedly.
She got pregnant in her late teens and decided to keep three children. Oh, she was white by the way.
There were other options. I'll start with birth control.
What about the many women who also have difficult lives but try to make their marriage work and hang in there? Do they get a day at a beauty parlor or extra time off when the husband needs to work late?
I'm not pro-abortion. I'm not anti-woman. There is the CHOICE NOT TO PARENT until you are fiscally able to do so.
Eery time I watch TV there is some woman (and lately man) being either honored or excused because she - or he - is a single parent.
Am I alone in this?
No...you are not. The glorification of "single motherhood" has one common factor. The demonization of Fathers. Society assumes that Fathers are ALL deadbeats, denies the fact that we DO bond with our kids just like women, and the only rights we have are the right to be raped financially in a divorce.
Apologies to women who do not think this way, but you are a minority. Fatherhood is every bit as magical a thing as motherhood. I'm flat sick of the way society treats Fathers. From personal experience.. Far to many women use the "magic of Motherhood" to live fat and happy by destituting Fathers. All the while playing the victim and crying crocodile tears at their "misfortune". It sickens me and makes me flame with rage!
Yes, there are men who are nothing but tomcats, and many women are raising kids alone because of them. However, for society to blatantly treat ALL men like they are thus is an out of control and horrible injustice. There are just as many "poor single mothers" who have destroyed a Fathers life, denied him his children and tarred him with a label of "deadbeat" as there are actual deadbeats.
Single mothers....sorry, you ain't special. There are a lot of single fathers too. And they ain't special either. They are just doing what they are obligated to do, made easier by love for their kids, and mothers don't love their children any stronger than fathers either. Bestowing singular honors based on being a mother alone has put fathers out in the storm, undeservedly, far to often.
My ex tried pulling that crap on me. Touting her " special bond" with our son, that I could never understand. Horses***!!!!! No, this fawning over single mothers is just plain old disgusting. Patronizing crap, that soooo many women use to take revenge on fathers and get a life of financial easy street. Regardless of their true character, single mothers are always assumed to be the victim of a mans evil. And that is CRAP!!! Feminist drivel
designed to use as a weapon against men. Often, far to often, children are denied knowing their Dad just because Mighty Mom is a vindictive shrew using them as a weapon.
This is coming to light more, lately, which is good. Men's rights are getting more notice, but the setting of single motherhood on a glowing pedastal is still a problem. It takes TWO to make a child, it takes TWO, to properly raise a child, and that holds whether the parents actually live together or not. It is a SHARED and EQUAL situation.
It seems that everywhere I turn, someone is bragging about being a "single mother". Or churches are having a "day of beauty" at a local spa for "single mothers". Or there is a special drive for the children of local single mothers.
An employee several years ago played the "single mother card" with me repeatedly.
She got pregnant in her late teens and decided to keep three children. Oh, she was white by the way.
There were other options. I'll start with birth control.
What about the many women who also have difficult lives but try to make their marriage work and hang in there? Do they get a day at a beauty parlor or extra time off when the husband needs to work late?
I'm not pro-abortion. I'm not anti-woman. There is the CHOICE NOT TO PARENT until you are fiscally able to do so.
Eery time I watch TV there is some woman (and lately man) being either honored or excused because she - or he - is a single parent.
Am I alone in this?
I believe in giving them all the support I can because I can imagine their challenges but I've found in my business that SOME of them will use their single motherhood as some kind of an exempt status for the adult world.
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