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I didn't post this on the parents board because I thought it would be interesting to get both parents and non parents take on this.
I have a brother in law, going through a messy divorce that is being held hostage to going to a bizarre amount of after school activities his soon to be ex-wife has his two boys (8 and 12) involved with. Just hearing "his" schedule has made me aware that this is pretty common now a days. Here is some of what he has told us he does: Baseball practice and games, parents attend both usually 2 night per week, 1 whole day on the weekend. Karate, parents watch, 1 night per week. Some kind of scout program (I don't think it's boy scouts) the parents all watch as the kids do their thing. I think this is on Sunday afternoons for 4 hours.
Then the oldest is taking some kind of debate club thing that "all" the parents go to every couple of weeks.
The baseball stuff, to me, is really bizarre....When there is no practice the coach has the kids and "all" the parents to his house where they review plays from the last game. I mean, come on! These kids are mostly not real athletes....maybe 5 out of 40 of them have any real ability. But there are trophys for everyone, award ceremonies, fairs to celebrate the big games....and what I guess I just don't get....the parents all stand around watching, watching, watching these fantastic achievements!
Sorry if I sound sarcastic, but I just don't get it. When I was a kid, you played a sport that interested you, that you were good at. Your parents came to a big playoff. Only the WINNERS recieved trophies.
My step daughter used to be a cheer leader and we would go see her if she was doing a special routine. We never went to watch her practice....although some parents did.
So, am I not getting it? Why do parents feel that it is necessary to have their kids in so many activities (many that the kids really have no talent in) then stand around and watch them sit on the bench or learn to tie a knot or pitch a pup tent, or keep getting those different colored karate belts, not for any skill on the kids part but for paying the fees and showing up. W hen did this start happening in this country? Or is it a So Cal thing....
Anyway, I remember, when I was a kid....I wanted to be away from my parents and hang out with my friends playing sports. And if I was the best, that trophy meant a lot to me (and it was cool to have my parents see me play in a big game). I just don't understand the "everyone is a winner" thing...nor tht the parents must watch every little perceived achievement.
Parental involvement in kids activities - I generally agree with you but with a lot of fractured families today, or families with two working parents, any time spent with kids is a plus. However, my experience is that even when with the kids, they are often distracted. I've seen many parents in the stands working their blackberries.
Trophies for everyone - At some level this makes some sense, though it may water down the benefit of trophies. I guess I view it as an age thing, as kids get older the trophies should be for "winning", instead of participation. Younger kids benefit from all positive reinforcement.
Overscheduling - Generally agree, but if not done we get the complaints about lack of constructive alternative activities allowing or resulting in kids getting into trouble. I'd rather complain about too many activities than drugs and gangs (and pregnancies).
It is not a Ca thing, it is like this throughout the country.
Mainly referred to as Parent Involvement. Now for the number of activities they participate in-remember this generation needs constant stimulation due to their way of life with child care, game videos, new technology, etc. I thought I was active once upon a time, but my daughter has taken on more than I could have imagined and seems to be content when involved in ongoing activities. She does not have a pleasant attitude when she is not busy. I am not happy with this because she is an overachiever, but something in life will eventually slow her down. Possibly marriage and a baby, but that is a long...................way off!!
This is also why we have the "HELICOPTER PARENTS" when children are in college, parents have been involved from the onset in their child's activities and I am a strong supporter of them being involved due to the benefits the child receives emotionally and mentally. We have just created a generation who has very high self esteem and confidence in their future endeavors, and believe me it will cross all racial groups and economic status-which quite honestly is a good thing. They are highly competitive, but they also are a generation that is very generous when it comes to being of service to others. They are very involved with their community and politics.
Helicopter parents is not a good thing. The parents stay way too involved in their childrens lives to the point of going to job interviews and such. Their kids have high self esteem and have rarely faced defeat. Mommy and Daddy always come to the rescue.
I have kids..I have seen these helicopter parents. They call into their kids jobs for them to say the kid is sick. How in heck are these kids supposed to make it in the world ?
Helicopter parents is not a good thing. The parents stay way too involved in their childrens lives to the point of going to job interviews and such. Their kids have high self esteem and have rarely faced defeat. Mommy and Daddy always come to the rescue.
I have kids..I have seen these helicopter parents. They call into their kids jobs for them to say the kid is sick. How in heck are these kids supposed to make it in the world ?
I agree with many of your concerns, but it has originated from childhood and how dare us the professionals tell them anything else. I hear both sides and I must professionally attest to understanding each, but I see the positives and the negatives within each. I believe that when college professionals conduct orientation they must speak to this phenomenon. By educating both student and parent we may see a change, but we must also remember that some people are not going to change and these are the facts of life as we know it today. Young people are just beginning to get the message about their parents being to heavily involved in their lives, and they are probably better equipped than us old folk to tell their parents when they need to cut the apron strings. Shock value from a child compared to a professional is crucial.
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