Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Status:
"Let this year be over..."
(set 23 days ago)
Location: Where my bills arrive
19,219 posts, read 17,095,590 times
Reputation: 15538
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by knowledgeiskey
Were there campaigns to end bullying? Were kids told to just deal with it and "man up?" I'm asking in light the whole Keaton controversy, but that's another topic.
It wasn't such a blind eye that anyone could abuse anyone and lines did occasionally get crossed. The biggest difference was that from when we were little kids and first interacted with other little kids a pecking order became established, it was always changing, their were frequent skirmishes but the kids took care of it themselves. Parents only became involved when it turned into an all time brawl on the front lawn.
Today in schools and activities every time two kids disagree they are sat down to "talk about it" or lectured on how words hurt and to shake hands. You see the results today where kids have no coping skills or ability to adjust, if everything isn't warm, fuzzy and a level playing field they are running to mommy (so to speak).
In 4th grade my daughter was friends with 2 other girls and they were all the best of friends, one day my daughter and one of the others were in a heated argument at school and the third one got in the middle of it. You know what happened, like rabid dogs they turned on her and being "miss sensitivity" she ran to the school counselor because they said mean things. The counselor contacted us and wanted our daughter to come in and talk about what happened because the 3rd girl felt hurt, my wife said no "leave them alone they'll be fine by the end of the week" and wouldn't bring her in. Three days later they were best friends again. The point is they were allowed to work it out themselves and didn't need a counselor to referee.
Do I condone abuse, no I don't but the increased frequency and intensity I think is directly related to us not allowing kids to learn on their own. Every thing is level, everyone feel good, everyone gets a trophy and life is not like that, we need to allow kids to learn coping skills on their own and to fail because that is what will make them stronger in life.
agreed...
The reality was that the victim typically faced not only the ring leader but several of his cohorts. The ring leader was typically one of the bigger kids in the class and his cohorts slightly smaller. They would encircle the victim, taunting and humiliating said victim. The victim would typically be under sized making it a very lop sided contest. Bullies never attack an opponent who has the means to retaliate.. It is a romanticized notion that the victim can fight back. They can, but they will be slaughtered, not by just the bully but his friends as well. The worst part is when the adult authority figures watch on in complete disinterest as it takes place.
Few other students will try to help the victim as they have no desire to be next.
This is the absolute reality. Yes in rare instances the victim has triumphed over their bully. Very rare. The norm is after an attempt to fight back fails, the bully will intensify their attacks and acts of humiliation.
So I ask those who advocate fighting back. How does the victim fight back against the gang of bullies on 1 victim?
Regardless of the nature of bullying, whether its physical, cyber, or verbal the victim is almost helpless to defend themselves. The bullies make it so. After all bullies at heart are cowards. They will never put themselves in a position where they might face real challenge.
Well, the title question was aimed at how things were handled in the "boomer" times. I fall into this category. Gang up bullying was no really an issue where I went to school. Picking a fight with anyone meant you took care of your own business. Ganging up would have been considered to be a complete act of yellow cowardice. Which it was anyway as bullies usually shove around far physically weaker victims. Or perceived to be weaker.
I was targeted by a couple bullies. I was a bit of an unintended standout. In a school full of boys with dark hair and dark eyes I had literally platinum hair that I wore long and very blue eyes. The worst of the bullies who just would not relent hated me because a girl he liked had a crush on me.
It started with stupid comments about my hair and how I looked like a "homo". Then it escalated to smacking into me in the hall and knocking my books out of my hands. This clown was the captain of the football team, total jock. I didn't play sports, so between that and my hair and eyes he kept it up with the challenging of my maleness.
I didn't react, just picked up my books and ignored the taunts. He always did this crap in front of his football and wrestling team peers, but they never joined in. Just sat back an watched. One of them was a guy I had hunted with, and he new I was no creampuff. I didn't play team sports because it cut into good time in the field, and my Dad was training me for Bullseye competition.
The girl didn't quit liking me and we spent a good deal of time together, riding horses. I was a ranch kid, and having access to horses was a big plus for her. The bully was a townie, his parents had money and he was used to getting what he wanted. Mr. popular, big time football hero etc. It all came to a head one day outside of the gym as we were going in for an assembly.
I was walking with the contested girl, we were minding our own business an he came puffing up with his buddies looking on and just two hand shoved me. I think it rather surprised him when I didn't even hardly move. I was a LOT more solid than he figured on. The girl told him to knock it off but to her credit stepped back (actually standing with the blowhards football team mates) when I warned him not to try that again. She knew the tone of voice I was using. She knew me well.
He popped off that he would shove me whenever he wanted and went to do it again, and met a hard right hook to the jaw. He never even got a shot in, I didn't give him the chance. I bombarded him with lefts and rights and he went down in a dazed heap right as a teacher walked up and pulled me off him. His football buddies were laughing like hell and told the teacher that the clown had every inch of it coming.
They were slapping me on the back and telling me it was about time, but the show was worth the wait. I never got bothered by anyone ever again. However things aren't like this now with all the cyber crap and ganging up does not carry the stigma it did back then. Using weapons was unheard of as well. There is no code of honor in these troubled times. A story like mine above would be an extreme rarity now.
Kids are committing suicide because of this cyber bullying and it's just flat vicious how their character gets destroyed and how badly they get smeared and on such a wide scale. You can't fight that with your fists. My son went to the same school I did and this cyber nonsense was getting to be a thing when he was in school. He looks a LOT lie me when I was young with the same platinum hair but with green eyes just like my Moms. He never got targeted though. He had a reputation since grade school as someone not to be trifled with. He had a few scuffles with bullies but he was defending other kids and he is a scrappy piece of work. 110% pure cowboy.
I am very proud of him. He stood up for kids who couldn't do it themselves. We need more kids like him. Who will stand up for victims of todays style of bullying and encourage other kids to do the same. Make being any kind of bully a shameful and contemptible thing. This would be a very effective method against todays bullies. If they shame somebody on FB or something they need to be treated like the rodents they are by the other kids and publically shamed where they can't hide behind a keyboard.
Well, the title question was aimed at how things were handled in the "boomer" times. I fall into this category. Gang up bullying was no really an issue where I went to school. Picking a fight with anyone meant you took care of your own business. Ganging up would have been considered to be a complete act of yellow cowardice. Which it was anyway as bullies usually shove around far physically weaker victims. Or perceived to be weaker.
I was targeted by a couple bullies. I was a bit of an unintended standout. In a school full of boys with dark hair and dark eyes I had literally platinum hair that I wore long and very blue eyes. The worst of the bullies who just would not relent hated me because a girl he liked had a crush on me.
It started with stupid comments about my hair and how I looked like a "homo". Then it escalated to smacking into me in the hall and knocking my books out of my hands. This clown was the captain of the football team, total jock. I didn't play sports, so between that and my hair and eyes he kept it up with the challenging of my maleness.
I didn't react, just picked up my books and ignored the taunts. He always did this crap in front of his football and wrestling team peers, but they never joined in. Just sat back an watched. One of them was a guy I had hunted with, and he new I was no creampuff. I didn't play team sports because it cut into good time in the field, and my Dad was training me for Bullseye competition.
The girl didn't quit liking me and we spent a good deal of time together, riding horses. I was a ranch kid, and having access to horses was a big plus for her. The bully was a townie, his parents had money and he was used to getting what he wanted. Mr. popular, big time football hero etc. It all came to a head one day outside of the gym as we were going in for an assembly.
I was walking with the contested girl, we were minding our own business an he came puffing up with his buddies looking on and just two hand shoved me. I think it rather surprised him when I didn't even hardly move. I was a LOT more solid than he figured on. The girl told him to knock it off but to her credit stepped back (actually standing with the blowhards football team mates) when I warned him not to try that again. She knew the tone of voice I was using. She knew me well.
He popped off that he would shove me whenever he wanted and went to do it again, and met a hard right hook to the jaw. He never even got a shot in, I didn't give him the chance. I bombarded him with lefts and rights and he went down in a dazed heap right as a teacher walked up and pulled me off him. His football buddies were laughing like hell and told the teacher that the clown had every inch of it coming.
They were slapping me on the back and telling me it was about time, but the show was worth the wait. I never got bothered by anyone ever again. However things aren't like this now with all the cyber crap and ganging up does not carry the stigma it did back then. Using weapons was unheard of as well. There is no code of honor in these troubled times. A story like mine above would be an extreme rarity now.
Kids are committing suicide because of this cyber bullying and it's just flat vicious how their character gets destroyed and how badly they get smeared and on such a wide scale. You can't fight that with your fists. My son went to the same school I did and this cyber nonsense was getting to be a thing when he was in school. He looks a LOT lie me when I was young with the same platinum hair but with green eyes just like my Moms. He never got targeted though. He had a reputation since grade school as someone not to be trifled with. He had a few scuffles with bullies but he was defending other kids and he is a scrappy piece of work. 110% pure cowboy.
I am very proud of him. He stood up for kids who couldn't do it themselves. We need more kids like him. Who will stand up for victims of todays style of bullying and encourage other kids to do the same. Make being any kind of bully a shameful and contemptible thing. This would be a very effective method against todays bullies. If they shame somebody on FB or something they need to be treated like the rodents they are by the other kids and publically shamed where they can't hide behind a keyboard.
First things first, kids are the most vicious animals on the face of the earth that wolverines pale in the face of.
Secondly, social media has increased the pack mentality a thousandfold and made it easy to destroy anyone without consequence. I fully believe if things don't change both legally and morally social media will be the death of us all.
Why did you break them up? Let them fight till one can't get up
Because you'd get your ass sued off by one or another parent and the school system's assistance to you would be a sincere and heartfelt, "You're on your own".
People ***** and moan about teacher unions/associations but at least they'd represent you. In my system until the upper Administration would tell them to back off or the current local President wouldn't get his/her promotion at the end of his/her term.
First things first, kids are the most vicious animals on the face of the earth that wolverines pale in the face of.
Secondly, social media has increased the pack mentality a thousandfold and made it easy to destroy anyone without consequence. I fully believe if things don't change both legally and morally social media will be the death of us all.
My daughter (the aforementioned highly paid professional social media "shark"), calls this "Borg-ing" (as in the Star Trek Borg).
There are ways for a bullied person to turn the Borg in her favor and destroy the bully, but that requires an advanced level of social media finesse and craftiness. It also requires a willingness to destroy the bully.
Obviously, per my previous post, I wasn't around when the Baby Boomers were in school, so this is purely speculative on my part and is probably going to put some people on the defensive but anyhow...
I personally believe that bullying worsened for my generation (millennial) and likely the ones after it, due to the decrease in Stay at Home Mothers, particularly during the formative years of a child's life.
Circumstance or choice have prompted more mothers to remain in the workplace. While daycares can have reported positive impacts on some demographics, long term, widespread studies have linked long hours spent in daycare in the early formative years with increased levels of aggression once the child reaches school age.
Therefore, you could construe it as meaning that now because there are a lot more children who spent a large chunk their infancy and toddler years in daycare, there are probably a lot more aggressive kids, than there were half a century ago.
Of course not every child who was in daycare is going to end up aggressive, but the stats imply that they're more likely to.
My daughter (the aforementioned highly paid professional social media "shark"), calls this "Borg-ing" (as in the Star Trek Borg).
There are ways for a bullied person to turn the Borg in her favor and destroy the bully, but that requires an advanced level of social media finesse and craftiness. It also requires a willingness to destroy the bully.
We learned to defend ourselves and fight back. I always taught my children not to throw the first punch, but to defend themselves.
Yes, we got in trouble for fighting, but it seems today the viciousness and evil that is bullying is a lot worse, especially when the parents defend their little darlings.
How did we deal with it in the 1940s/1950s?
"Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!"
Physical bullying was harshly dealt with.
Name calling was mostly ignored, even though the hurt feelings often lasted a long time.
Yes, in some ways the hurt still exists. But, I plan to get even. Our 50th high school reunion will be in 2019. I hope to go, to see who I outlived.
Yep, the ultimate revenge: YOU are DEAD, I am not!
Of course, that is assuming I live that long!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The bully was a townie, his parents had money and he was used to getting what he wanted. Mr. popular, big time football hero etc. It all came to a head one day outside of the gym as we were going in for an assembly. 
