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I’m a relatively gregarious fellow, by personality on the border between introverted and extroverted. I enjoy public speaking and giving toasts at parties. However, these affinities completely break down in the infamous “cold approach” towards women. I simply refuse to make such a venture, unless of course introduced first by a third party (such as if given a phone number or e-mail address). This produces an odd incongruity, where my coworkers are convinced that I’m the consummate party-animal, with women falling all over me. The reality is exactly the opposite.
So, call it “targeted social anxiety”, narrowly limited to the setting of cold-approach.
I have social anxiety and depression. At first my therapists and I thought it was merely the latter manifesting the former but recently we've come to the conclusion they might be two separate problems that feed on each other....
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Originally Posted by Scarpacci
I have ADD and kind of went through a little soul searching this summer. What I found was that my social anxiety and a whole host of other issues are often related to ADD which cause people to be dysfunctional....
I was happy to read what both of you had to say, because I can relate. I have social anxiety, which I think has turned more avoidant and into a phobia. I got treated for social anxiety (tried both Paxil and Lexapro) and both medications, even in small doses, greatly improved my problem, while high doses pretty much obliterated it and caused me other problems. I think I'm also ADHD (was diagnosed in grade school, am now 27). I think the anxiety keeps the impulsive part of my ADHD in check, which is kind of a good thing. How I realate is that I seem to have two separate problems that interact and feed off each other. When your mind is going 90 MPH (racing thoughts) from ADHD, it's very difficult to slow down and deal with anxious thoughts and try to get a handle on the anxiety yourself. If I got the ADHD treated, I think I'd be able to take care of the anxiety on my own, and if not I could always also go back on a small dosage of SSRI, but I think ADHD is the root of a lot of the anxiety in the first place. Another reason I think I have ADHD besides recognizing being impulsive when my anxiety is relieved and that the "racing thoughts" aren't necessarily driven by the anxiety is because they continued while I was on meds that worked for the anxiety, the only different being that they were positive and curious thoughts rather than negative thoughts overwhelming me. Another reason I think I'm ADHD are that I've always felt like something was wrong with me, but not known what it is, and can rationally rule out every think besides ADHD, plus I've heard other folks with ADHD who were in similar situations. Also, I have a difficult time getting "lost" in books and don't read as much I'd like because of it, and even have a hard time getting "lost" in movies. I do best when I'm alone, but around people I really can't focus or pay attention - I think the social anxiety is a major distraction that triggers the ADHD, while the inability to concentrate and forget about the anxiety keeps me from being able to deal with the anxiety. When I first went to the doctor 8 years ago, I think I majorly oversold the social anxiety. On a side note and since I said I have taken both Paxil and Lexapro, I want to throw out there that the Paxil for me seemed like a stronger drug and gave me the urge to specifically be social and be around preople, whereas Lexapro was milder and was more of a general anxiety reliever.
It is very common. Social anxiety is a product of social awkwardness, not the other way around. Curing it takes diligent practice, endurance and openness to curing it.
The bolded text is not necessarily true. It may be true for some, I don't know, but it's not true for all. You better believe that nervousness not stemming from ackwardness CAN cause ackwardness. The fact nervousness can cause ackwardness is easy to see. The ackwardness can certainly feed the anxiety though.
I have it. I care wayyyyy too much about what others think of me, and I tend to prefer keeping quiet in situations, even when I really want to speak out, because I nearly always say the wrong thing or even worse, I just get tongue-tied and my voice comes out sounding like how I do not want it to sound.
I tend to overanalyse situations far too much, especially when I feel that I've made some sort of social blunder, and it's even worse when I find someone attractive - I blush, stutter or sometimes I go over the top, and become extremely talkative to try to compensate for my shortcomings. I tend to sweat (it's not obvious, thank God!) when I'm talking to someone, and I feel that I have to impress them, it's actually really annoying. I know a lot of people think I'm stuck up and cold because I tend to avoid people for this very reason, and I feel as if it's stopping me from being friends with other people, and getting into relationships.
I've had some horrendous experiences going out to parties where I become completely self conscious to the point of being suicidal, where all my thoughts are about how everyone's excluding me, and how all the girls seem interested in everyone but me, and nothing I could ever do would make me seem interesting or likable. Needless to say, I lead a horrifying existence at times.
I'm the sort of person, who while freaking out invisibly at a party,
would hide as far away from other people as I could, because I don't mix well,
esp. as the number of people increases.
One person at a time is the most I can manage to focus on,
conversationally & in terms of "getting to know" some stranger.
I feel weird, then I get stuck on my discomfort, then if someone tries to be nice & chat with me, my uneasiness gets all over them, so to speak-
I can't paste a happy vacuous look on my face & make meaningless pleasantries-which is part of why I haven't been invited to a party in a decade.
It's a vexingly self-perpetuating circumscription of one's social circle...
pretty sure i have it. it is even worse now since i just started a new job. but that's just a minor tradeoff. i am so glad i am done with the job search and landed a job so quickly after graduation.
i've always avoided people. sometimes, i get on those chipper moods where talking to someone is no problem. that is rare though.
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Originally Posted by ryazer24
P.S. going to the gym will definitely help. The raise in confidence can help you become more confident with your social anxiety/awkwardness in your conversations and will also help calm you. It's a good anxiety/stress relief.
it helps a bit. as far as the confidence, i haven't seen much of a confidence boost even though i've lost tons of weight. i am still reserved and introverted. i still never initiate conversations with people i don't know. the only time i am better in conversations/social settings is for a few hours after i hit the gym. i am slightly better at holding my own in conversations.
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When I first went to the doctor 8 years ago, I think I majorly oversold the social anxiety. On a side note and since I said I have taken both Paxil and Lexapro, I want to throw out there that the Paxil for me seemed like a stronger drug and gave me the urge to specifically be social and be around preople, whereas Lexapro was milder and was more of a general anxiety reliever.
