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Oh, I see. So I guess the more people there are the more chaotic the cues, etc. are to focus on resulting in a confusion and feeling overwhelmed = an anxious situation? Do you feel like when a person is around you that your attention becomes fixed (locked) on them?
Oh, I see. So I guess the more people there are the more chaotic the cues, etc. are to focus on resulting in a confusion and feeling overwhelmed = an anxious situation?
Yes, multiple people=chaos,
too many different entities to keep track of & juggle.
It's like social "motion sickness", being "at sea" interpersonally.
In part, it's due to sensory hypersensitivities as well
(I react poorly to *some* supposedly "normal" stimuli).
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOKAN
Do you feel like when a person is around you that your attention becomes fixed (locked) on them?
Not sure-I might need a "for instance", to get what you mean.
Yes, multiple people=chaos,
too many different entities to keep track of & juggle.
It's like social "motion sickness", being "at sea" interpersonally.
In part, it's due to sensory hypersensitivities as well
(I react poorly to *some* supposedly "normal" stimuli).
Not sure-I might need a "for instance", to get what you mean.
In other words, can you focus on other stuff when one or more people are around you? Do people in your presence absorb you attention/focus?
Would you still suffer from social anxiety if you were in a social situation?
How about work?
Is there a difference between interpersonal situations at work VS purely social situations?
No, because I understand my limitations, and I understand how my social behavior runs against the flow. I now know how to just walk away from a social interaction in which I am not able to contribute.
I was already retired when I discovered my Aspergers, so I don't know how it would apply in the workplace. But workplace was always difficult. Tell an Aspergers what you want done and when you want it, and it will be done. Tell an Aspergers how to do something, without bothering to explain the intended end result, and everything will be done wrong. Aspergers don't do flow charts.
Conversely, in a social situation, an Aspie knows what the desired end result is. What I learned, when I knew I was Aspergers, was to fairly early on recognize a social situation that was not going anywhere, and discontinue the pursuit. I've had plenty of successful relationships, both romantic and platonic. It's a matter of recognizing the potential friends that one can click with.
In other words, can you focus on other stuff when one or more people are around you?
Do people in your presence absorb you attention/focus?
Well, that gets into being an introvert,
which of course isn't identical to social anxiety or Asperger's
(though a person can have co-morbid symptoms of a number of these). Overall, I find people distracting & nervousness-inducing.
However, when I've had an SO, then that was someone with whom I was comfortable & could relax around.
But, most other people-as they're utter strangers (unknown quantities/qualities)-scare the heck out of me & induce panic response,
bc. I don't know them, they don't know me, and it's all awkward & confusing & upsetting (to me).
Hope I'm addressing your question, am just not sure what you're getting at.
Yeah...I've struggled with it through out my life. I take paxil which helps it greatly for me. It's an over preoccupation with self. And falsely projecting thoughts from others that one falsely believes they will be thinking about you in any given situation. When once you think about it. It's absolutely ludicrous to think I know what other people are thinking. It's hugely rooted in a lack of self-confidence,and people who have grown up in dysfunctional families such as I grew up in.
No, because I understand my limitations, and I understand how my social behavior runs against the flow. I now know how to just walk away from a social interaction in which I am not able to contribute.
I was already retired when I discovered my Aspergers, so I don't know how it would apply in the workplace. But workplace was always difficult. Tell an Aspergers what you want done and when you want it, and it will be done. Tell an Aspergers how to do something, without bothering to explain the intended end result, and everything will be done wrong. Aspergers don't do flow charts.
Conversely, in a social situation, an Aspie knows what the desired end result is. What I learned, when I knew I was Aspergers, was to fairly early on recognize a social situation that was not going anywhere, and discontinue the pursuit. I've had plenty of successful relationships, both romantic and platonic. It's a matter of recognizing the potential friends that one can click with.
I understand your first paragraph. The second I'm not sure what you mean. The third sounds like normal people are.
Well, that gets into being an introvert,
which of course isn't identical to social anxiety or Asperger's
(though a person can have co-morbid symptoms of a number of these). Overall, I find people distracting & nervousness-inducing.
However, when I've had an SO, then that was someone with whom I was comfortable & could relax around.
But, most other people-as they're utter strangers (unknown quantities/qualities)-scare the heck out of me & induce panic response,
bc. I don't know them, they don't know me, and it's all awkward & confusing & upsetting (to me).
Hope I'm addressing your question, am just not sure what you're getting at.
The reason I asked is because for the most part having another person in my presence when I'm trying to concentrate or focus on something rattles the heck out of me. It's like I have stage fright or something. From a lot of experience and thinking long and hard, I'm thinking it's a combination of social anxiety and ADHD feeding off one another. It's hard for me to concentrate and focus even when alone, so a person's presence is a huge distraction, which I think is due to the social anxiety. I kind of think if I didn't have social anxiety that people's presence wouldn't be a distraction, but I also kind of think if I weren't ADHD that maybe I could concentrate without the anxiety being a distraction. Practically the only time I can concentrate and really do something in front of somebody is if I'm comfortable with the person in my presence AND I know they know nothing about what I'm doing and thus can't be judging me.
I've thought about having Asperger's, but I don't think I do because I don't have difficulty catching subtle cues or reading facial expressions and body language. I can flow with people and display pretty good social skills when I'm uninhibited by anxiety and/or able to focus/relax. Although, I always have had odd interests (when I was younger it was skylines, population numbers, public transit, maps). I think my problem is really just inability to concentrate and mind going 90 mph (racing thoughts), which are ADHD symptoms, combined with the social anxiety.
The reason I asked is because for the most part having another person in my presence when I'm trying to concentrate or focus on something rattles the heck out of me. It's like I have stage fright or something. From a lot of experience and thinking long and hard, I'm thinking it's a combination of social anxiety and ADHD feeding off one another. It's hard for me to concentrate and focus even when alone, so a person's presence is a huge distraction, which I think is due to the social anxiety. I kind of think if I didn't have social anxiety that people's presence wouldn't be a distraction, but I also kind of think if I weren't ADHD that maybe I could concentrate without the anxiety being a distraction. Practically the only time I can concentrate and really do something in front of somebody is if I'm comfortable with the person in my presence AND I know they know nothing about what I'm doing and thus can't be judging me.
I've thought about having Asperger's, but I don't think I do because I don't have difficulty catching subtle cues or reading facial expressions and body language. I can flow with people and display pretty good social skills when I'm uninhibited by anxiety and/or able to focus/relax. Although, I always have had odd interests (when I was younger it was skylines, population numbers, public transit, maps). I think my problem is really just inability to concentrate and mind going 90 mph (racing thoughts), which are ADHD symptoms, combined with the social anxiety.
I would say that when people (groups/crowds of strangers) are around, then I get performance anxiety,
and I'm thrown into what I call "display" mode, where I don't feel my authentic, natural, unaffected self is acceptable socially (have learned that from experience).
Instead I feel pressure to look & behave within certain confines, to "seem normal", to "pass" as neurotypical-even though I eventually fail at that ruse.
I worry about being criticized, being found lacking or noticed to be making a mistake, too-I'm used to feeling insecure, that's the standard to which I've become accustomed.
If it's one of the very few people I'm close with (emotionally), then I don't so much feel this way-
but life in the outside world/public is populated by people I don't know, who don't know me-
and that frightens & intimidates me terribly.
Hence my staying home most of the time.
Just for sake of comprehensiveness, some of my troubles are caused by sensory sensitivities-
smells, sounds, etc., that I find threatening/aversive, so that impacts my ability to tolerate
strange places beyond the comfort (and familiarity, predictability) of my home.
It's hard for me to focus on other people-yet the presence of another person (or persons) tends to distract me significantly, too-
it's hard to explain in such a way as to reconcile these seemingly self-contradictory opposing processes.
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