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I've always considered self-improvement as an on-going life time goal. I've taken all sorts of self-improvement classes over the years, read books on the subject and in general tried to become a better person. I know I am a heck of a lot more tolerant and less judgmental of others now than when I was younger.
I find this strange because being alone means being able to do what one wants to do. Being with other people can involve compromise. Forget about trying to love yourself for now. Focus on beginning to enjoy your own company. Surely there are things you enjoy doing that don't involve other people! What about reading, working out, listening to music or various hobbies?
If you are indecisive, practice becoming more decisive and being accepting that to err is human. We really do learn from our mistakes. That means that we can learn to make better decisions.
Consider that a challenge. Take small steps towards widening your circle of acquaintances.
That's a low self-esteem issue. I actively worked on overcoming my self-esteem issues when I was in my 20s. I took an assertiveness training course, read some books and practiced what I learned. I became a heck of a lot more confident about myself. I'm actually receptive now to constructive criticism. It doesn't bruise my ego which is quite healthy.
Well, we are all going to die. It could be a today or it could be several decades away. Focusing on death is pointless.
Thanks for the advice. I guess I just need to discipline my inner-thoughts more often. I'm quick to give myself a headache and a hard time.
You said you read a few self-help books, care to name a few?
Johnathan, this might work for you(or not). It helped me personally to stop having such high standards for myself (and for other people) and being aware of my needs and feelings. I watched the whole program from the beginning but I think this is the session that he begins adressing self awareness:
Sometimes I feel conflicted and have no idea who I am or what I want. I can't enjoy my own company, I can't make decisions effectively, and I can't interact with people outside of my comfort zone. Half the time I feel judged by others, and that in itself makes me feel uncomfortable--not with them, but myself--. I always seem to look at where the world is headed, because I feel like the demise of everyone else will be my own someday. I don't know how to build a healthy relationship with myself. How do you love yourself? How do you know what you want? How do you block the world out and focus on you?? How do you do this?? Any advice?
Good question. It happened for me as the result of a lifetime of crappy relationships. The mind is a powerful thing. We have the answers, but we are wired to avoid pain. We can be so focused on not facing what is unpleasant and uncomfortable that we can convince ourselves these issues don't exist. But it will eventually rear it's ugly head. I got to a point where I was just too tired to fight it anymore. I had to face it, I didn't have a choice. Would have been a lot easier if I had chosen to do it decades earlier instead of hitting rock bottom, but that just wasn't the way of it. Better late than never.
Take some time to sit down and be honest with yourself. What are your fears? What is your damage? You know the answers, you just have to be willing to deal with it. Counseling would be a great way to do this.
Sometimes I feel conflicted and have no idea who I am or what I want. I can't enjoy my own company, I can't make decisions effectively, and I can't interact with people outside of my comfort zone. Half the time I feel judged by others, and that in itself makes me feel uncomfortable--not with them, but myself--. I always seem to look at where the world is headed, because I feel like the demise of everyone else will be my own someday. I don't know how to build a healthy relationship with myself. How do you love yourself? How do you know what you want? How do you block the world out and focus on you?? How do you do this?? Any advice?
Practice meditation regularly. Ideally, with a group. You might also want to try yoga, martial arts, sports, going to church, therapy etc.
Here is one meditation practice you might want to try:
I am afraid of making mistakes, growing up my mistakes were looked as horrible irreversible mishaps. I always do my best not to make mistakes because I don't want to get penalized for it. However, I worry so much about making a mistake that I end up making many of them lol.
No you are describing a major portion of the issue you are dealing with. Mistakes, failures, mishaps
These are growing pains. Not everyone can "get it" the first time. If you live in constant fear of making a mistake, you second guess every action, you stagnate, you lack confidence and you open yourself up to codependency.
Why do you think you grew up with so much pressure?
Can you train yourself to be "okay" with not getting it right the first time?
Finally, what are your personal interests or hobbies?
When I am dealing with an employee who lacks confidence, I look to their personal interests and try to draw some strength from times when things did not go as planned but because you enjoy the activity, you were able to allow a mistake or a failure to slip by without tearing yourself down.
You have to trust yourself, without confidence every activity will be met with trepidation.
Sometimes I feel conflicted and have no idea who I am or what I want. I don't know how to build a healthy relationship with myself. How do you love yourself? How do you know what you want? How do you block the world out and focus on you?? How do you do this?? Any advice?
Nike commercial, Just Do It!
Your issue is judgement. Your self image doesn't match your physical. You are trapped in an infinite cycle of "What do I do now?"
Stop everything, apply the brakes, hard.
Take a vacation, take what money you have, pick a place you have not been, ever. It could be 10 miles away or 10,000. Make sure you have never been there.
Get there and be spontaneous for two or three days, whatever you can afford. No planning, no google, no Siri, just be there.
Get comfortable with yourself and with the idea you have no idea what you are doing. Live in your "ID"
Make the experience enjoyable, get drunk, get laid, just live the experience.
The moral here, there is no predisposition, there is no plan, we all make as we go. Some of us are lucky to earn a living doing what we love, others earn a living in order to fund their passions. Either way, we get to a point where our lives revolve around the things that make us happy.
The pursuit of happiness, not being happy. Joy is a feeling derived from accomplishment. You are afraid to fail, how are you ever going to accomplish anything?
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