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I wish with all the surveillance going on, some Children's Service agencies would read these forums and track down people who write stuff like this.
Can you imagine being this poor child?
Children are far more honest than adults because they lack the ability to lie creatively and have it still be believable. They tend to not be able to lie to themselves like adults can.
Why haven't you taken your own son's advice? He's afraid of your husband. You clearly are too, but keep convincing yourself of something else. You can justify it with fear all you want, but are you more afraid of having to take on the responsibility of raising him yourself or him hurting your child even more than he already has?
Children are far more honest than adults because they lack the ability to lie creatively and have it still be believable. They tend to not be able to lie to themselves like adults can.
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I spent years as a 911 operator and have to say that age 3-4 are certainly the most honest creatures on this planet. Whenever I asked, they just told me that bare bones truth.
OP, please get in contact with a DV worker today, even if you aren't ready to leave, it is going to take time for you to get a plan in place if you need one. Good luck. One of my sons is the same age, that breaks my heart. This man may kill you one day and leave your son an orphan.
My 4 year old son fears his dad/my husband and doesn't like him much. Today my son tells me that he wants me to pick him up from preschool. I tell him that his dad is picking him up and he said, "No, I want mommy" (to pick him up). I asked him why and he said "daddy mean." Also, whenever I give our son showers, he loves it and is very playful and happy. I asked my husband if our son is ever playful and happy in the shower when my husband washes him, and my husband said "no." I became curious after that. I was there one morning and my husband gave our son a shower; our son just stood in there looking at me with sad eyes. He wasn't laughing or being silly like when he was with me. In fact whenever I tell our son to do something with his dad or go ask daddy, he'll usually say "daddy mean."
I have seen how my husband is around our son; he is not the most loving person in the world. He isn't that loving to me either, and it bothers me more that he isn't as kind as I would like him to be to our son (especially since it took us several years to have a child). My husband does not know how to console our son. For example, one time when our son followed his dad in the garage and the garage door accidently hit our son, his dad immediately just yelled at him and said, "Your fault!" Our son (around 2 years old at that time) stood there crying and I had to go comfort him while his dad just walked by and yelled at him. Just a week ago, our son was throwing up and he accidently did something to his dad; his dad raised his voice and yelled at him causing our son to cry even though he was really sick. I told him to stop and quit raising his voice at him. I was bothered by how he raised his voice like that. Not the first of course.
Another time was shortly after we had lost our 2nd little boy (born premature and did not survive)-our son was being silly and did not want to put his shoes on. He kept being silly and laughing. His dad got frustrated and grabbed our son's arm with such force that he scared me (and our son). I yelled at him to not ever do that again and that he could've damaged our son's arm. I told my husband that he needs to be nicer to our son even more now because he's the only one we have.
Another time was when my son and I were both sick and he had a high temperature. My husband was contemplating on cancelling his fishing date with his friend or stay with us; he decided to leave us both alone and go fishing instead. I had to take our son to the ER shortly after he left and I wasn't feeling well myself. It was after this and other events that I decided I was going to leave my husband and take our son with me. I had it all planned out and when the time came, I decided not to do it. Another time, I did kick him out once and was about to divorce him; he was good again for a few months, but he always went back to his old self.
He is not good to me either. Let's just say we don't have sex anymore because I do not want him to touch me and he threatened to kill me once when I was pregnant. He used to call me "b*tch" everyday and "w*h*o*r*e" whenever I went out just to get the groceries among the other things he's done. Too many to name here.
So why haven't I gotten out? Fear. Fear of being poor and living on one income and not being able to provide for my son if I was the only one working. Fear of him coming after me and my son. Fear of ending up in the news that another husband kills himself and then kid and/wife. I know he will make my life hell if I divorce him. I don't even like his family either. They are not loving and his brother is just like my husband. Yes, I made a mistake.
I'm thinking about installing a hidden camera in our home to see what's going on when I'm not home. Am I overreacting regarding the fear that my son has with his dad? I mean, he is not always like that, but he is like that more than I would like him to be. Like I said before, he is not the most loving, but he is not the worst dad and husband either.
My mother raised 4 kids by herself! There are resources to help you besides being abused! Your son is already traumatized by his father by the looks of it. Kids know abuse!
You can get Welfare, food stamps and child support. You can get a restraining order against him. You need to leave NOW!
As a father of a 1.5 year old boy, I must say that is terrible. I'm in no way an example of an attentive father and you have to discipline them, but I would never abuse my son or want him to be afraid of me.
You should have gone to the police the moment the threatened you. No one should have to go through such a horrible situation, let alone a child.
My 4 year old son fears his dad/my husband and doesn't like him much. Today my son tells me that he wants me to pick him up from preschool. I tell him that his dad is picking him up and he said, "No, I want mommy" (to pick him up). I asked him why and he said "daddy mean." Also, whenever I give our son showers, he loves it and is very playful and happy. I asked my husband if our son is ever playful and happy in the shower when my husband washes him, and my husband said "no." I became curious after that. I was there one morning and my husband gave our son a shower; our son just stood in there looking at me with sad eyes. He wasn't laughing or being silly like when he was with me. In fact whenever I tell our son to do something with his dad or go ask daddy, he'll usually say "daddy mean."
I have seen how my husband is around our son; he is not the most loving person in the world. He isn't that loving to me either, and it bothers me more that he isn't as kind as I would like him to be to our son (especially since it took us several years to have a child). My husband does not know how to console our son. For example, one time when our son followed his dad in the garage and the garage door accidently hit our son, his dad immediately just yelled at him and said, "Your fault!" Our son (around 2 years old at that time) stood there crying and I had to go comfort him while his dad just walked by and yelled at him. Just a week ago, our son was throwing up and he accidently did something to his dad; his dad raised his voice and yelled at him causing our son to cry even though he was really sick. I told him to stop and quit raising his voice at him. I was bothered by how he raised his voice like that. Not the first of course.
Another time was shortly after we had lost our 2nd little boy (born premature and did not survive)-our son was being silly and did not want to put his shoes on. He kept being silly and laughing. His dad got frustrated and grabbed our son's arm with such force that he scared me (and our son). I yelled at him to not ever do that again and that he could've damaged our son's arm. I told my husband that he needs to be nicer to our son even more now because he's the only one we have.
Another time was when my son and I were both sick and he had a high temperature. My husband was contemplating on cancelling his fishing date with his friend or stay with us; he decided to leave us both alone and go fishing instead. I had to take our son to the ER shortly after he left and I wasn't feeling well myself. It was after this and other events that I decided I was going to leave my husband and take our son with me. I had it all planned out and when the time came, I decided not to do it. Another time, I did kick him out once and was about to divorce him; he was good again for a few months, but he always went back to his old self.
He is not good to me either. Let's just say we don't have sex anymore because I do not want him to touch me and he threatened to kill me once when I was pregnant. He used to call me "b*tch" everyday and "w*h*o*r*e" whenever I went out just to get the groceries among the other things he's done. Too many to name here.
So why haven't I gotten out? Fear. Fear of being poor and living on one income and not being able to provide for my son if I was the only one working. Fear of him coming after me and my son. Fear of ending up in the news that another husband kills himself and then kid and/wife. I know he will make my life hell if I divorce him. I don't even like his family either. They are not loving and his brother is just like my husband. Yes, I made a mistake.
I'm thinking about installing a hidden camera in our home to see what's going on when I'm not home. Am I overreacting regarding the fear that my son has with his dad? I mean, he is not always like that, but he is like that more than I would like him to be. Like I said before, he is not the most loving, but he is not the worst dad and husband either.
You should have the fear that your son is being mistreated at best and raped at worse. You should have fear that your husband will kill you and/or your son.
Financial worry is the least of your problems.
Leave now!!
Oh brother. You and your son are being abused and you are writing on a CD forum about how you know what you should do but you are afraid of doing it . . . lots of things are scary, but as a mother, you have to put the safety and welfare of your child first.
Get out of denial. Get a plan to leave your husband. Do whatever you have to do.
Each day your son is subjected to his "mean dad" is going to affect his future.
Rally all of your support, even if it is difficult, and get out now.
In an earlier, unrelated post, you referred to lots of relatives whom your son wanted to invite to his birthday party: grandma, aunts, cousins, etc. Presumable these relatives live nearby - please turn to them for help now. They care about you and your little boy; your husband does not.
If you remove yourself (and your child) from your husband's presence long enough for your thinking and emotional responses to clear, you will be more likely to make the best decisions for yourself and your child, something impossible to do while you are living in fear for your own safety and that of your little boy. Your husband is a deeply troubled, dangerous man, and though you may feel pity for him, please do not subject your child to him.
Your child is showing clear signs of being abused emotionally, mentally, and perhaps physically, at the hands of his father. He is being terrorized and is living in great fear. As his parent, you are legally required to protect him and keep him safe. Please do so.
As for the financial aspects, value and worth are not just monetary. How much are the life and the happiness of your child worth to you? What value do you place upon them?
My 4 year old son fears his dad/my husband and doesn't like him much. Today my son tells me that he wants me to pick him up from preschool. I tell him that his dad is picking him up and he said, "No, I want mommy" (to pick him up). I asked him why and he said "daddy mean." Also, whenever I give our son showers, he loves it and is very playful and happy. I asked my husband if our son is ever playful and happy in the shower when my husband washes him, and my husband said "no." I became curious after that. I was there one morning and my husband gave our son a shower; our son just stood in there looking at me with sad eyes. He wasn't laughing or being silly like when he was with me. In fact whenever I tell our son to do something with his dad or go ask daddy, he'll usually say "daddy mean."
I have seen how my husband is around our son; he is not the most loving person in the world. He isn't that loving to me either, and it bothers me more that he isn't as kind as I would like him to be to our son (especially since it took us several years to have a child). My husband does not know how to console our son. For example, one time when our son followed his dad in the garage and the garage door accidently hit our son, his dad immediately just yelled at him and said, "Your fault!" Our son (around 2 years old at that time) stood there crying and I had to go comfort him while his dad just walked by and yelled at him. Just a week ago, our son was throwing up and he accidently did something to his dad; his dad raised his voice and yelled at him causing our son to cry even though he was really sick. I told him to stop and quit raising his voice at him. I was bothered by how he raised his voice like that. Not the first of course.
Another time was shortly after we had lost our 2nd little boy (born premature and did not survive)-our son was being silly and did not want to put his shoes on. He kept being silly and laughing. His dad got frustrated and grabbed our son's arm with such force that he scared me (and our son). I yelled at him to not ever do that again and that he could've damaged our son's arm. I told my husband that he needs to be nicer to our son even more now because he's the only one we have.
Another time was when my son and I were both sick and he had a high temperature. My husband was contemplating on cancelling his fishing date with his friend or stay with us; he decided to leave us both alone and go fishing instead. I had to take our son to the ER shortly after he left and I wasn't feeling well myself. It was after this and other events that I decided I was going to leave my husband and take our son with me. I had it all planned out and when the time came, I decided not to do it. Another time, I did kick him out once and was about to divorce him; he was good again for a few months, but he always went back to his old self.
He is not good to me either. Let's just say we don't have sex anymore because I do not want him to touch me and he threatened to kill me once when I was pregnant. He used to call me "b*tch" everyday and "w*h*o*r*e" whenever I went out just to get the groceries among the other things he's done. Too many to name here.
So why haven't I gotten out? Fear. Fear of being poor and living on one income and not being able to provide for my son if I was the only one working. Fear of him coming after me and my son. Fear of ending up in the news that another husband kills himself and then kid and/wife. I know he will make my life hell if I divorce him. I don't even like his family either. They are not loving and his brother is just like my husband. Yes, I made a mistake.
I'm thinking about installing a hidden camera in our home to see what's going on when I'm not home. Am I overreacting regarding the fear that my son has with his dad? I mean, he is not always like that, but he is like that more than I would like him to be. Like I said before, he is not the most loving, but he is not the worst dad and husband either.
Get the hell out now!!!
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