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Between marriages I was once set up on a blind date with a 30 year old virgin. I saw it as a red flag, but was willing to at least meet her. What it said to me was that she had lived at least 15 years as a sexually mature woman without forming a close relationship with a man. The flags got redder when I met her and found that she was really very attractive.
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I am sympathetic to a 30 year old who has never had sex because they were not gifted with physical attractiveness, but anyone who is reasonably attractive and reaches the age of 30 without forming at least one close physical relationship is sick.
Some people have committed to celibacy outside of marriage. This doesn't make them sick. Instead, it is a way of honoring their belief that having sex with someone they're not married to is giving away a precious gift that is best shared within the confines of a committed relationship. I went to church with a man in his late 20s who was a kissless virgin; when he met his future wife, they agreed to remain celibate until their wedding night. They shared their first kiss on their wedding day after being pronounced man and wife. 15 years and 4 kids later, they are a happy couple, very much in love, and neither one of them is sick.
In other words, you are entitled to your opinion even if it is wrong.
Some people have committed to celibacy outside of marriage. This doesn't make them sick. Instead, it is a way of honoring their belief that having sex with someone they're not married to is giving away a precious gift that is best shared within the confines of a committed relationship. I went to church with a man in his late 20s who was a kissless virgin; when he met his future wife, they agreed to remain celibate until their wedding night. They shared their first kiss on their wedding day after being pronounced man and wife. 15 years and 4 kids later, they are a happy couple, very much in love, and neither one of them is sick.
In other words, you are entitled to your opinion even if it is wrong.
I'd rep you if I could. Choosing to not have sex outside of marriage should not be a red flag of any kind. It shows commitment to their beliefs. I have a brother who undoubtedly was a 30+ year old virgin when he met his wife. He didn't want to sleep around. He wanted a long term relationship and sex before marriage is against his religious beliefs. They've been happily married for 12 years now and are raising three wonderful kids. Their life is actually quite idyllic.
The interesting thing is how they met. He decided to go to Hawaii with a singles group. He said he'd always planned to go on his honeymoon but figure he was never getting married so he decided to check Hawaii off of his bucket list. She also went on that trip. They went back for their honeymoon.
Some very nice girls can't buy a date. My best friend is probably a 7 on a scale of 1-10, she's intelligent, hard working, loyal, honest and fun to be around. She can't buy a date. Never has been able to. She's always been on the heavy side (180 pounds and 5'4") and men don't give her a second look. She's one of the nicest people I know.
There are women out there who would love to have a nice caring man show them some attention but they are not what men want so men don't. I understand because I was never what men wanted either. I was never pretty enough so I sat home on Saturday nights. In high school the only two boys who paid any attention to me were a nerd who didn't know how to take a bath and a guy who started his career as an alcoholic in 9th grade (that's how far down the list I was. He died in his 40's BTW of complications related to lifelong alcohol abuse.). For some of us, pickings are slim. The funny thing is people don't seem to notice us when they claim that nice men can't find nice women. We're invisible.
I find it very interesting that I've had two men from my past comment that they wish they'd met someone like me when they were younger. They don't even see the irony in what they are saying. They did meet someone exactly like me. They met me but I didn't make the cut. What they are saying is they wanted to meet someone more appealing with my character.
I'm always amazed when I watch television shows like Happily Never After and see a nice man hook up with a scheming woman who is just playing him. How many invisible women did he pass over to get the arm candy that takes him to the cleaners or worse?
Good post, Ivory. My experience in life was very similar, except that I eventually married the alcoholic. I had no dating opportunities in high school (well, one time I got a call from a boy we called "Scotty Green Teeth" who asked me if I wanted to meet him behind the school to make out.) I discovered in my early 20s that drunks were my dating pool. The things that kept normal men from wanting me--mainly, my 6'1" height and the fact that I'm kind of plain-looking, could be overlooked by that segment of society who needs someone to take care of them and bail them out of their messes. I quit that job after 16 years, though.
After that, I was mostly approached by married men--they didn't have a problem with wanting to see me in some hidden-away place, but that's not the kind of person I wanted to be.
Somebody lost out. I was a good wife to my ex despite his love for the local pub. Other people in real life--at work or in social/community settings--seem to like me and enjoy my company.
When men say they can't find "nice women", I think they're really saying they can't find nice women who they can show off to their buds. Why not trying looking at the average-looking women, the ones Ivorytickler calls "invisible"? They may run a lot deeper than what you see on the surface, and you just might end up happy.
When men say they can't find "nice women", I think they're really saying they can't find nice women who they can show off to their buds. Why not trying looking at the average-looking women, the ones Ivorytickler calls "invisible"? They may run a lot deeper than what you see on the surface, and you just might end up happy.
That's when they pull out the "well, I can't be with a woman I'm not attracted to," as if there's only one type of woman who could possibly be attractive.
Good post, Ivory. My experience in life was very similar, except that I eventually married the alcoholic. I had no dating opportunities in high school (well, one time I got a call from a boy we called "Scotty Green Teeth" who asked me if I wanted to meet him behind the school to make out.) I discovered in my early 20s that drunks were my dating pool. The things that kept normal men from wanting me--mainly, my 6'1" height and the fact that I'm kind of plain-looking, could be overlooked by that segment of society who needs someone to take care of them and bail them out of their messes. I quit that job after 16 years, though.
After that, I was mostly approached by married men--they didn't have a problem with wanting to see me in some hidden-away place, but that's not the kind of person I wanted to be.
Somebody lost out. I was a good wife to my ex despite his love for the local pub. Other people in real life--at work or in social/community settings--seem to like me and enjoy my company.
When men say they can't find "nice women", I think they're really saying they can't find nice women who they can show off to their buds. Why not trying looking at the average-looking women, the ones Ivorytickler calls "invisible"? They may run a lot deeper than what you see on the surface, and you just might end up happy.
I ended up marrying an alcoholic too. I didn't recognize it at the time. He was fun to be around and he noticed me. The fact he WANTED to marry me was intoxicating after a long string of either not being noticed at all or being dumped for someone prettier. In time I came to realize that he liked his alcohol a bit too much. We're still together but it's for practical reasons. A marriage of convenience. I guess it's better than being alone. He's like an old worn out pair of jeans I should throw out but just can't bring myself to throw out. I'm not ready to be alone and I know I will be. If I was invisible at 25, I'm non existent at 55.
I had one boyfriend in high school. He dumped me for a pretty brunette who faked a pregnancy to get him to marry her. I had three boyfriends after high school. Two of them dumped me for someone prettier. I married the third. They all used me in some way including dh as you know. Drunks need taking care of. I won't even count the guys I tried to get the attention of and couldn't. I remember my mom talking me into giving a guy at church a card with my phone number in it. I was never so embarrassed in my life. He never spoke to me again. It's not that I didn't try to get their attention. I just couldn't. I didn't have IT whatever IT is.
The sad part here is both men and women end up miserable because we can't see past looks. While it's vindicating to have guys come back into my life and tell me they wish they'd met someone like me, I just shake my head because they did meet me. They just couldn't see me as a potential partner because I never had IT. I look at my best friend and just shake my head. She's a wonderful person. She's smart, kind, hard working, generous, fun to be around... the list of her great qualities goes on and on but like me she couldn't buy a date. She had one guy propose to her but he was so controlling that she walked away. That most likely would have become an abusive relationship. One of the first things people say to her when they meet her and find out she's not married is "I can't believe you're not married". I would think she'd have guys clamoring for her attention but she never did. The only negative I see is her weight. She's never been able to lose weight.
That's when they pull out the "well, I can't be with a woman I'm not attracted to," as if there's only one type of woman who could possibly be attractive.
I have a friend whose husband was absolutely turned off by her when he met her. He wanted nothing to do with her. However, after being in several classes together in college and getting paired with her for a major project, he changed his mind. They've been happily married for 25 years now. Had life not forced him to get to know her he never would have given her a second look. He admits that she was a total turn off to him when he met her but she turned out to be his soul mate. I wish I could have a relationship like theirs. They're going to be that old couple you see walking hand in hand in the park some day. They are not just husband and wife. They're best friends. They complete each other.
The guy was handsome as **** and drove a beemer, he must've had some serious mental issues if he could not get a gf at 22
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Originally Posted by J.P.
He wasn't that good looking. He was no model. But I agree he wasn't bad looking at all. That's how creepy he had to be.
The ladies here from the article titled 'In Death, Girls (and Boys) Swoon Over Santa Barbara Mass Murderer' don't seem to care about that, there are even comments from men too.
The ladies here from the article titled 'In Death, Girls (and Boys) Swoon Over Santa Barbara Mass Murderer' don't seem to care about that, there are even comments from men too.
The guy was cute. The only issue that I see he had from a physical perspective is that he looked younger than his age and probably always did. I think he would've attracted more women as he got older, but he just couldn't be patient.
He wasn't that good looking. He was no model. But I agree he wasn't bad looking at all. That's how creepy he had to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
The problem is this is the way men think. Things like character and loyalty don't matter if you don't have what they think are reasonable looks.
As always there are exceptions. I once met a girl I wasn't attracted to in any way but she exhibited loyalty, she was genuine, honest and easy to be around so I spent time with her. She made it clear she was attracted to me but she knew it was not reciprocated.
However, the more time I spent with her, the more I got to know her and an attraction began to build and pretty soon, everything changed. Ive met many typically good looking women who don't even come close.
The guy was cute. The only issue that I see he had from a physical perspective is that he looked younger than his age and probably always did. I think he would've attracted more women as he got older, but he just couldn't be patient.
Maybe you missed the point...
Quote:
While rants by rejected degenerate Elliot Rodger were aimed at the fairer sex, over which he held a psychotic obsession, he allegedly couldn’t figure out a way to approach them with any degree of success.
However, following his death, and the subsequent plastering of his photos across the web, it seems the girl-hating 22-year-old virgin now has what he always wanted in life: adoration, and some of it is coming from dudes as well.
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Some very nice girls can't buy a date. My best friend is probably a 7 on a scale of 1-10, she's intelligent, hard working, loyal, honest and fun to be around. She can't buy a date. Never has been able to. She's always been on the heavy side (180 pounds and 5'4") and men don't give her a second look. She's one of the nicest people I know. 
They don't even see the irony in what they are saying. They did meet someone exactly like me. They met me but I didn't make the cut. What they are saying is they wanted to meet someone more appealing with my character. 
