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OP, why do you keep trying to diagnose your wife? It is not going to help ANYTHING. Please wake up and smell the coffee, if nothing else, for the sake of your child. I really hope for your own sake as well, that you get some counseling. You continue to rationalize and try to objectify. This isnt science. This is life.
PS have you ever been diagnosed with Aspberger's, speaking of diagnoses. Just a hunch. You are not dealing with the situation much better than your wife, IMO. Could she have been attracted to your "calm" nature only to find out that you can't empathize?
"Batsh*t crazy?" Who wouldn't be, with trying to prep a house for sale, a move around the world, a spouse who is now out of town, AND a special-needs son. Any ONE of those items would drive most people to drink.
Frankly, I am shocked at your lack of empathy. You need to take on some of this yourself and get back home as much as you possibly can TO HELP.
Oh gimmee a break. His wife needs to get her head straight instead of letting her emotions get the best of her. OP needs to get the house sold or rented out ASAP and fly his family out to where he is.
It's not lack of empathy. He's also caught up in this and is also frustrated. He's a research scientist - his focus is on research. Dealing with social issues is not what he's trained for.
OP just fly home for a weekend and set an appointment with a realtor and list the house. Immediately book a moving company and pay them to ship all of your stuff. Book two plane tickets for your spouse and child and have them come stay with you.
If she is unable to do these things, then you will have to do it.
If she still refuses, plan to live apart, move back home, or get a divorce.
OP just fly home for a weekend and set an appointment with a realtor and list the house. Immediately book a moving company and pay them to ship all of your stuff. Book two plane tickets for your spouse and child and have them come stay with you.
If she is unable to do these things, then you will have to do it.
If she still refuses, plan to live apart, move back home, or get a divorce.
The house will have to be staged and cleaned as well to be put on the market. He can't expect to just move the family and leave it ( as is) If he moves back home, he will lose his job and I have a feeling, that since he's already had time off-- he could lose his job over another absence.
He will need several companies to make this move ( over the phone) but getting his wife and son on a plane will be the first thing, and then the moving company and then staging and cleaning the house and finding a another place for all three of them. If he plans to get her an apartment ( for a year) while she's sobering up, he's looking at two mortgages and a rental.( while his original house is on the market)
Or, he can rent his original house out.. but he will have another rental ( or mortgage) and an apartment, plus paying sitter for his son.
Last edited by thegreenflute334; 06-13-2014 at 10:34 PM..
The house will have to be staged and cleaned as well to be put on the market. He can't expect to just move the family and leave it ( as is) If he moves back home, he will lose his job and I have a feeling, that since he's already had time off-- he could lose his job over another absence.
He will need several companies to make this move ( over the phone) but getting his wife and son on a plane will be the first thing, and then the moving company and then staging and cleaning the house and finding a another place for all three of them. If he plans to get her an apartment ( for a year) while she's sobering up, he's looking at two mortgages and a rental.( while his original house is on the market)
Or, he can rent his original house out.. but he will have another rental ( or mortgage) and an apartment, plus paying sitter for his son.
I have moved countries within a few weeks. Everything can be done from a distance. It's really not that big a deal to move within the US, no customs or immigration requirements.
All he has to do is get her to agree and he can take care of everything else. The trickiest part is getting the moving company to meet him on the weekend he is there. Which is why he needs to do that first.
I advise leaving a key in a lockbox that the realtor can put on. Then pay someone to be there when the movers are there. I just did this for friends of mine that moved to another country. The realtor most likely will meet the cleaners at the home and let them inside.
Last edited by Meyerland; 06-13-2014 at 11:12 PM..
After reading your posts yesterday, I called and said if she did not call me by noon I was calling social services. She called. We talked, she is working on the house and we have a one month plan to buy, list, and move. Not to say we are out of the woods, but I am happy to say I acted and she responded. She also said that she was so happy that we were talking again (after she was freezing me out!).
1,000,000,000 thanks to you all! Your bracing slaps upside the head reminded me that yes, I do love my wife, I do want us to keep trying on our marriage, we are moving here as a family come hell or high water, and timely actions are sometimes necessary when a loved on is spinning out.
Two other things. I should not have called my wife lazy. I have been frustrated with her effort on the move, but she is not lazy overall. I was venting, and I was wrong. Second, my reason for diagnosing my wife was for my own understanding. It was a tremendous relief and helped me to move from an angry, judgmental head space to a more compassionate one.
After reading your posts yesterday, I called and said if she did not call me by noon I was calling social services. She called. We talked, she is working on the house and we have a one month plan to buy, list, and move. Not to say we are out of the woods, but I am happy to say I acted and she responded. She also said that she was so happy that we were talking again (after she was freezing me out!).
1,000,000,000 thanks to you all! Your bracing slaps upside the head reminded me that yes, I do love my wife, I do want us to keep trying on our marriage, we are moving here as a family come hell or high water, and timely actions are sometimes necessary when a loved on is spinning out.
Two other things. I should not have called my wife lazy. I have been frustrated with her effort on the move, but she is not lazy overall. I was venting, and I was wrong. Second, my reason for diagnosing my wife was for my own understanding. It was a tremendous relief and helped me to move from an angry, judgmental head space to a more compassionate one.
Just take care of that job or you'll have me to contend with! By the way- Congrats on the new job.
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That's great news! I wish I could by you a beer.
By the way- Congrats on the new job.
