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Oh Peter, you are so young! You have your whole life ahead of you, and YES, having a sweet, caring girlfriend will make your life less sad, contrary to what many others have posted.
You seem kind but not terribly confident, which may be a justified attitude, so maybe you are looking for the 'wrong her'? Remember there are more gals than guys as you get older so the odds improve.
Where are you trying to make a connection? Hopefully NOT in bars.
If you like animals maybe volunteer at a shelter, or take a cooking class or visit local museums.
I am not kindly disposed to religions, but they can offer community and friendship as long as your are genuine, right?
And when you meet someone - and you will - do not scare her away, okay?
Fact #2 - Who your parents/brothers/sisters/cousins, etc, are, is nothing more than an accident of genetics.
Sometimes, you have to make your *own* happiness, & you have to find a group of people who you *do* think of as being like family.
Everyone has rough periods in their lives, & for some of us, it sometimes seems like it's a never-ending string of disappointments & tragedy. Been there, got quite a few t-shirts myself (born w/ a hole in my heart; cut off the end of a finger at age 5; ran a rusty bolt through my foot at age 9; almost kidnapped off my own street when I was 11; went through a brief, abusive marriage in my early 20's; finally got into a terrific marriage, but found out we couldn't have kids; opened a Ballet studio, & 4 yrs in, developed MS; adopted our 2 kids, only now to have one of them being taken away from us by rotten people who are using her & alienating her from us; brother died very young, & parents died 11 wks apart). Yeah, it blows.
My husband has a phrase he uses a lot - "When you're walking through Hell, just keep walking until you come out the other side." Sometimes, when he says that, I just want to tell him to stuff a sock in it & shut up. But, when you stand back from your pain for a few minutes & think about it, it DOES make sense.
A few posts back, someone said that "you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else." That's absolutely the TRUTH.
Make a list w/ 3 columns - "What I like about myself", & "what I want to change about myself", & "what it's impossible to change about myself". Be brutally honest w/ yourself. DO NOT make a list of "what I don't like about myself" - that would only force you to dwell on the things that you, well, *don't like*. The point here is to show yourself what is & isn't under your control; & to help you think about the things you CAN control, & perhaps even HOW.
You cannot control your family. They are what they are. However, you *can* control how much you associate w/ them, how much you believe them, how much you do or don't value what they say.
The initial goal should NOT be finding a gf or anything like that - the initial goal is to make YOU feel useful. needed. & concerned about others....which makes YOU feel like you are a useful, needed person. When you start to feel that good about yourself, than other things - friends who have the same likes & concerns in life that you do, & maybe, eventually, someone you'll get closer to. But you can't go into anything like this, thinking, "hey, I can look for a gf this way." That line of thinking is like sending up the Bat-Signal, & will just make people think that *that* is all you're about.
Won't happen overnight. It takes time to re-build yourself. But, when it's all said & done, it can be VERY worth it in the end.
Fact #2 - Who your parents/brothers/sisters/cousins, etc, are, is nothing more than an accident of genetics.
Sometimes, you have to make your *own* happiness, & you have to find a group of people who you *do* think of as being like family.
Everyone has rough periods in their lives, & for some of us, it sometimes seems like it's a never-ending string of disappointments & tragedy. Been there, got quite a few t-shirts myself (born w/ a hole in my heart; cut off the end of a finger at age 5; ran a rusty bolt through my foot at age 9; almost kidnapped off my own street when I was 11; went through a brief, abusive marriage in my early 20's; finally got into a terrific marriage, but found out we couldn't have kids; opened a Ballet studio, & 4 yrs in, developed MS; adopted our 2 kids, only now to have one of them being taken away from us by rotten people who are using her & alienating her from us; brother died very young, & parents died 11 wks apart). Yeah, it blows.
My husband has a phrase he uses a lot - "When you're walking through Hell, just keep walking until you come out the other side." Sometimes, when he says that, I just want to tell him to stuff a sock in it & shut up. But, when you stand back from your pain for a few minutes & think about it, it DOES make sense.
A few posts back, someone said that "you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else." That's absolutely the TRUTH.
Make a list w/ 3 columns - "What I like about myself", & "what I want to change about myself", & "what it's impossible to change about myself". Be brutally honest w/ yourself. DO NOT make a list of "what I don't like about myself" - that would only force you to dwell on the things that you, well, *don't like*. The point here is to show yourself what is & isn't under your control; & to help you think about the things you CAN control, & perhaps even HOW.
You cannot control your family. They are what they are. However, you *can* control how much you associate w/ them, how much you believe them, how much you do or don't value what they say.
The initial goal should NOT be finding a gf or anything like that - the initial goal is to make YOU feel useful. needed. & concerned about others....which makes YOU feel like you are a useful, needed person. When you start to feel that good about yourself, than other things - friends who have the same likes & concerns in life that you do, & maybe, eventually, someone you'll get closer to. But you can't go into anything like this, thinking, "hey, I can look for a gf this way." That line of thinking is like sending up the Bat-Signal, & will just make people think that *that* is all you're about.
Won't happen overnight. It takes time to re-build yourself. But, when it's all said & done, it can be VERY worth it in the end.
Lin
sometimes i feel that women are more superficial than men are
Don't like the life you have? Get a new one. It is that simple. You are responsible for your happiness. You can choose the life that makes you unhappy, or not.
sometimes i feel that women are more superficial than men are
So that lady took her time to write ALL THAT STUFF out for you and what did you say?
"Women are more superficial than men".
THAT'S what your problem is, right there. That was a rude, superficial and unappreciative comment. And hard headed, COMPLETELY IGNORING good advice as you have done on this whole thread. BGB.
Have you ever been diagnosed with something medically or psychologically? My money is on option B.
i feel that maybe its me not just them as to why i dont have a gf. they have rejected me so much that i feel broken down from trying so much and being rejected. i aint that ugly, i feel tired, i already had people who say they love me show that they dont. my siblings did not help me in hard times and my brother and dont i get along. i feel like i lost in life, like i have no one in this world. now the job i intern at does not want me there, how can i not feel bad with this going on. people act as if they have not been trough things in life like they cant help me in terms of family. my family did not care about my future, my siblings did there own thing and i would have helped them in a minute. sometimes i feel that people dont have "real" love for others but they have real love for themselves.
Your post reads as if you're seriously depressed. In 2015 there is so much help that, say, my poor grandpa didn't have back in the '60s and '70s. For everyone who has suffered from depression before you -- go get help.
My grandpa tried so hard to get help. And had better years than others, but if he were around today he'd he'd tell you: run, don't walk and get some good meds, talk to the right therapist, sit in front of bright light thingy, walk a couple of miles every day etc. etc.
Fight for your own life. Don't just give up. A girlfriend will be the result of your getting mentally healthier.
Oh, and do your best to find a mentor. Not somebody to lean on. Somebody to look up to, who might show you the ropes. It can even be somebody you don't know, but follow their lives through the media in a healthy way.
And don't kid yourself: life is hard for all of us.
My grandpa's name was John. He tried so hard to get help. Go for it.
Hi, I think the others have the gf part covered. here is what I have found for the other parts. If life has given you a lousy family then you need to eventually create a family made of friends. Many, any people have done this. It happens as we get older as well because as we lose our elders we find new people to bind with.
When you do find ways to sustain yourself, explore interests and grow then a woman will come into your life. Along with taht you need to do your own seeking for friends and don't rely on just her friends because if you do break up your friends were her friends first and they go away.
I support you in your mission to find, expand your interests and your circle of people, good people you can count on who like you for who you are.
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