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Ok, so Im going to do this...please be patient with me.
So this doesn't turn into a book, I am just going to give the highlights. I grew up in an abusive home, ever since I was 4, I have been abused by women physically and emotionally, everyone from my baby sitter to my mother, Ive seen and heard it all. My mom was physically abusive and would spank me for even the slightest transgression, and I don't mean once or twice or ten, but anywhere between 10-50+times. At times, I would have to kneel down on my knees for hours at a time, from at least 2 hours all the way up to 8. My sister got the same treatment My step dad(real dad abandoned me due to psycho mother) could not or would not intervene and he was a drunk. It became normal to see them going at each other and punch each other. At times, I was scared.
As I got older, high school was no better, I was constantly ridiculed and made fun of for the way I dressed, walked and ate, as well as looked(I have teeth that to this day are not straight). I actually walked with a hunch and my shoulders down, yes it was that bad.
I thought college would be better and for a time it was, I got a makeover and ditched the dorky glasses, got some better clothes and for a while, my confidence soared. I even actually had friends in college(as a hs senior, I had only two 8th graders as friends ) However, with the addition of people that start drama, my longevity in that group was too short.
Which brings me to today. I lack self esteem and confidence. Here is the issue, anytime someone is rude(or what I perceive to be rude) to me, I get upset, its not apparent at first, but sometimes it is. Its worse when its a woman. I have a girl at work, who is CONSTANTLY rude to me for NO REASON. Or at least no reason that I could actually think of. I have now gained weight since then(60 lbs which stubbornly refuses to come off). This girl has given me dirty, ugly looks, told me to shut up and has said other things that I care not to remember. The only reason that I can think makes her act like this are 1. she is attractive and knows it and is not attracted to me and is trying to make "know it" and 2. she mentioned that she got mad at men that did not "know their place" when I asked her what that meant, she said that it was guys that were in the friend zone and hit on her(I am assuming ugly ones here). Well hello! You can't control who flirts with you!
As a man, one of my co workers in class is always telling me to "man up" and "suck it up" after all, what is SHE to YOU? I tell him that yes she is nothing to me, but I shouldn't have to stand there and take someone being rude and disrespectful all the time. He tells me to ignore it. Today she called me a drama queen, when I got a little annoyed by her telling me to shut up. Oh, and did I forget to say that I have been dealing with this behavior for 5 WEEKS now? How long am I supposed to deal with this?
I won't lie, my co worker is right, I do need to up my self esteem, but my weight gain doesn't help. I even ate weight watchers, lean cuisine and worked out for 4 months and only lost 10 lbs. So I guess my first question is how do I up my self esteem and confidence? And second, how do I get it into my head to NOT care what people think?
FWIW, this girl is 22 and lives with mommy and has 3 kids, I am in my 30s...I know, I know...Please comment if you know ways to do this as I am starting to feel like it will never change, in fact, just the other day, I recorded videos to myself saying that I was awesome and a good person, looks like it still hasn't worked yet.
I've tried that possitive self talk too. It just never quite sinks in. Counseling can help! I also do things in my spare time that I know I'm great at. Not to be stuck up but I'm really good at refinishing furniture and when some one buys something I have created it helps to boost my self esteem. Find something great for you! It's unfortunate that people like this girl are everywhere and they have never been taught to treat others the way they want to be treated. I ignore them to me they aren't worth my time or my feelings. I hope this helps some
set goals and objectives short term and long term...make a list check them off as you go and feel the accomplishment
the beauty of live is tomorrow is a brand new day,,,you can create/live that day any way you want,,
you also need to let go of the ghosts of the past,,,many ways to do this,,,but you need to let them go,,,if you buried them,,they will fester and resurface,,,,
build a tomorrow,,,,,set the stage - picture it,,live it enjoy it,,,
you hold the keys to all you want,,,,you just need to use them and kick open the door
This may not be the answer that you're looking for, but here it is. You have some issues that are never going to be solved by soliciting advice in an internet forum. The mere fact that you are asking other people for advice in such a situation says that you have issues thinking for yourself, knowing what is good for you, and knowing how to go about being happy when other people try to make you unhappy. Are you going to go online every time you have a problem?
If you can afford it, go to a therapist, even if its only for a few sessions. If you don't think you can afford it, consider that this may be the most important thing you do for yourself in your whole life, and come up with the money. Good luck.
This may not be the answer that you're looking for, but here it is. You have some issues that are never going to be solved by soliciting advice in an internet forum. The mere fact that you are asking other people for advice in such a situation says that you have issues thinking for yourself, knowing what is good for you, and knowing how to go about being happy when other people try to make you unhappy. Are you going to go online every time you have a problem?
If you can afford it, go to a therapist, even if its only for a few sessions. If you don't think you can afford it, consider that this may be the most important thing you do for yourself in your whole life, and come up with the money. Good luck.
I think soliciting advice is great. A lot of victims of child abuse never learn how to think for themselves. Because abusers are control freaks. They don't ever teach a child how to think for themselves because they don't want them too. If we started to think for ourselves we would know what they were doing was wrong and alert the authorities ourselves. It leaves a sting of problems trying to assimilte as an adult. Sometimes isolation is one of the problems. Therapy does help and I think it is a must, however if you cant afford it there are several good books to help you they're usually in the self help section. I have therapy once a week for the past ten years and it's helped me understand the way I am, but has never changed me-For this reason alone- I DON"T NEED IT- Its really the ones who honestly beleive they are more important than everyone else and treat others the way that they do that need to be in therapy. So I go to therapy to learn how to deal with the people who need therapy.
Please keep soliting advice if you need to. Its how we learn and grow. It's the smart ones that are not to prideful to ask guestions.
I have a very low perspective on myself but if there's one thing I don't care about is what random people say to me. Like Fall Out Boy says "I don't care just what you think as long as it's about me" (Unfortunately this can be a bad thing because a million people can try to give me compliments and I won't believe them) It's hard to tell you not to care though. It's either you care or you don't. The only thing I can say is if someone says something rude, they are the ones with the problem not you. Bullies often try to cover up what's wrong with them by making other people feel like crap.
I think you should take pride in the fact you have a job. I wish I did.
I made this suggestion to somebody once and she said it did help. Maybe it will work for you.
As mentioned already, rude or nasty people are that way because of themselves...it doesn't start with you...it's their own crap and they're trying to pass it off on you.
When you confront someone acting like this towards you...visualize it...mentally picture it as them holding a handful of "excrement" and trying to put it in your hands.
If that was really so,you would refuse to take it, wouldn't you? Well, do the same thing when it's a mental bag of ****.
Just stand there and look at them like they're nuts for even thinking you would put your hands out and take that from them. (That's how you 'ignore") and leave them there holding onto it.
The self esteem can only increase when you do...and congratulate yourself for...doing things you can be proud of.
Including everytime you do the above.
Being as you know how nasty and mean people can be, it will be quite easy for you to just IGNORE what they say or do. It is helpful after someone says something nasty to you to quickly get your mind back into a pleasant happy mood (one mean person can wreck your day [and my day as well!]).
Anyway to get back into a good mood, talk to a nice person for a bit - does wonders! Watch a movie with a happy ending. Read a bit of a good book. Or place yourself in an environment with good people.
So IGNORE what they say. Also immediately WALK AWAY or HANG UP THE PHONE when someone starts saying something negative or nasty to you. Walk away when their mouth is still open spewing forth their nasty talk!
They do not deserve any reply from you and there is no point in your continuing to listen to their rubbish, so simply walk away.
Furthermore, YOU are in CONTROL of what you choose to listen to. If someone is saying something nice, you can choose to stay and chat with the person. If something mean and nasty, you can choose to walk away or hang up the phone.
Giving your attention to someone [or not giving it] is a very POWERFUL thing. If you have ever had a female give you the "silent treatment", you will know what I mean.
As for the person at work, don't look at her when around her - ignore what she says. Maybe wear ear plugs or those music headphones when walking past her area. Do not acknowledge her - don't say a word to her unless absolutely necessary. Keep anything you say to her neutral/positive and work related ONLY - strictly business.
Report her to your supervisor if she says nasty things to you. (Use your judgment on that.)
I used to care a LOT about what people thought, to the point that I wouldn't go out, socialize, etc. Miserable, right? Then I realized just that: I was miserable. So I took baby steps to making myself more comfortable, and then translating that to social situations. Say things to yourself like: "Others feel just as self conscious as me. Let me make them more comfortable." Or "They want me to feel bad, so I won't give them the satisfaction." Obviously change it up depending on the scenario.
But it really starts with you. You gotta work on yourself and your mindset first, and then everything else will fall into place.
Ok, so Im going to do this...please be patient with me.
So this doesn't turn into a book, I am just going to give the highlights. I grew up in an abusive home, ever since I was 4, I have been abused by women physically and emotionally, everyone from my baby sitter to my mother, Ive seen and heard it all. My mom was physically abusive and would spank me for even the slightest transgression, and I don't mean once or twice or ten, but anywhere between 10-50+times. At times, I would have to kneel down on my knees for hours at a time, from at least 2 hours all the way up to 8. My sister got the same treatment My step dad(real dad abandoned me due to psycho mother) could not or would not intervene and he was a drunk. It became normal to see them going at each other and punch each other. At times, I was scared.
As I got older, high school was no better, I was constantly ridiculed and made fun of for the way I dressed, walked and ate, as well as looked(I have teeth that to this day are not straight). I actually walked with a hunch and my shoulders down, yes it was that bad.
I thought college would be better and for a time it was, I got a makeover and ditched the dorky glasses, got some better clothes and for a while, my confidence soared. I even actually had friends in college(as a hs senior, I had only two 8th graders as friends ) However, with the addition of people that start drama, my longevity in that group was too short.
Which brings me to today. I lack self esteem and confidence. Here is the issue, anytime someone is rude(or what I perceive to be rude) to me, I get upset, its not apparent at first, but sometimes it is. Its worse when its a woman. I have a girl at work, who is CONSTANTLY rude to me for NO REASON. Or at least no reason that I could actually think of. I have now gained weight since then(60 lbs which stubbornly refuses to come off). This girl has given me dirty, ugly looks, told me to shut up and has said other things that I care not to remember. The only reason that I can think makes her act like this are 1. she is attractive and knows it and is not attracted to me and is trying to make "know it" and 2. she mentioned that she got mad at men that did not "know their place" when I asked her what that meant, she said that it was guys that were in the friend zone and hit on her(I am assuming ugly ones here). Well hello! You can't control who flirts with you!
As a man, one of my co workers in class is always telling me to "man up" and "suck it up" after all, what is SHE to YOU? I tell him that yes she is nothing to me, but I shouldn't have to stand there and take someone being rude and disrespectful all the time. He tells me to ignore it. Today she called me a drama queen, when I got a little annoyed by her telling me to shut up. Oh, and did I forget to say that I have been dealing with this behavior for 5 WEEKS now? How long am I supposed to deal with this?
I won't lie, my co worker is right, I do need to up my self esteem, but my weight gain doesn't help. I even ate weight watchers, lean cuisine and worked out for 4 months and only lost 10 lbs. So I guess my first question is how do I up my self esteem and confidence? And second, how do I get it into my head to NOT care what people think?
FWIW, this girl is 22 and lives with mommy and has 3 kids, I am in my 30s...I know, I know...Please comment if you know ways to do this as I am starting to feel like it will never change, in fact, just the other day, I recorded videos to myself saying that I was awesome and a good person, looks like it still hasn't worked yet.
Overeaters Anonymous for the weight. Eating right and sticking to a 12 step program should also help with your confidence. I would also recommend therapy as you are dealing with the aftermath of childhood trauma and this often gets worse over time if you don't do something about it. A friend of mine lost 60 lbs going to OA. She RELIGIOUSLY stuck with the program and did what her sponsor told her to do. She has kept the weight off for over 5 years at this point. The only reason she doesn't go to meetings now is because she took a job in another country that doesn't have OA (but she's kept the weight off).
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My step dad(real dad abandoned me due to psycho mother) could not or would not intervene and he was a drunk. It became normal to see them going at each other and punch each other. At times, I was scared. 
