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My mother is easily one of the most impulsive people I know, which probably wouldn't bother me so much except that I usually end up listening to her gripes after making yet another quick decision that didn't work out so well. Typically, these decisions are along the lines of, "My old (fill in the electronic device) wasn't working right so I bought an expensive new one and I can't figure it out and I'm so frustrated."
The latest episode was airline tickets. We're traveling together to a long-distance wedding this summer and I was going to buy her ticket along with mine but she decided against that. Last night I sent her my information so she could get on the same flight, and this morning got a rather frazzled email stating that she paid $100 more than I did and "should've done some comparison shopping" followed by cursing.
Why do people do this? Yes, we all make poor decisions at times but most people learn from them and do better next time. I sometimes wonder how my parents ever ended up together, as my father was about the least-impulsive person who ever lived -- and guess who I take after?!
Impulsiveness is CAN be a trait of a few mental illnesses....ie borderline personality disorder, bipolar, ADHD, substance abuse...or mental disorders ie pyromania, kleptomania
There's definite psychology - and for some, neurology - behind impulsiveness in general, and/or compulsive spending in particular.
It's not necessarily about being greedy, feeling entitled, just not thinking/caring, or those sorts of things. I mean I'm sure it CAN be but there's no reason to believe it will be, by any means.
For some, spending eases excruciating anxiety, for example. (Again, there's psychology behind this. I don't know if you want the whole drill, though. It's pretty easy to look up.) For others, impulsiveness can be part of a cycle, for example the manic portion of a bipolar cycle. For others it could soothe, for psychological reasons, for example as a child the person may have been rewarded or soothed (or both) with gifts.
There's no one answer to this.
In the case of the OP's mother, it could be the immediate but temporary sense of control - "doing something," buying that ticket, etc. - in a world where she may feel ever-declining control. Or it could be something else, it's not really up to us strangers to say.
I probably should do some reading on the subject. I'm fascinated by psychology, and yet sometimes frustrated when I can't understand why others do the things they do!
Most people have categories of decisions they are comfortable making on impulse, and those they won't consider making without some degree of due diligence.This is pretty normal and adaptive.
Some people (perhaps the person described) revert to impulsiveness if they are overwhelmed by the amount of work researching options exhaustively seems to represent, or if they feel underinformed abut whatever it is they're making a decision on, so the throw a bunch of stuff, see what sticks, and hope for the best.
There are probably lots of reasons; healthy as well as unhealthy. I can be impulsive but it's not all that often; I'm only a moderate thrill seeker. Sometimes it is a flash of that inner child saying "I dare ya to tell me not to", or a little rebellion against the hundreds of other dully rational decisions I have to make every day. I don't tend to be disorganized about it, just give in to some internal permission.
Your mom sounds to me like she has ADD/ADHD. Older people tend not to be diagnosed with it - hell, I was 30 when I got my ADD diagnosis.
I love shopping and yeah, I have poor impulse control in a lot of ways. But I also am very sensible in a lot of ways. I mainly like to window shop and I rarely buy anything. I also tend to be a real bargain shopper - I'll go on a "spree" but it's usually at Old Navy and tops out at $250. And 90% of the time it's stuff I really genuinely need.
I've created some hard and fast rules for myself with regard to keeping a lid on things. I no longer buy books but get them from the library unless they are nonfiction that I will use regularly. (Dog training, writing advice, history books are all on this list.)
And ya know what? I have bought virtually everything I need for the moment. I'm finally at a point in my life where I have the clothes, the books, the art supplies and dog equipment that I needed. I no longer want to shop. I need a few more pairs of jeans, but that's like grocery shopping for me - there's none of that little high you get.
I think for some people, part of the appeal of shopping is that thrill of the hunt that's very primal in our brains. And now that I have the things I need and feel secure, I am not feeling that need to "hunt." Sure, there are things I could really use, like those new pairs of jeans (literally have holes in most of my pairs, so I guess those are actually a need), but I'll get those from Old Navy online. It would be NICE to have a good cast-iron pan and a new set of dog training books, but I can get by with cooking with the equipment I currently have and the dog techniques can be looked up online or worked out through discussion with more experienced friends.
However, for your mom, I don't think it's necessarily the thrill of the hunt that sucks her in like it is with me and it doesn't seem like an impulse control issue - it seems more like she can't organize her thoughts to make logical decisions, gets frustrated and just jumps in before she works out the full ramifications. It could be a cognitive issue if she hasn't always been this way.
I think for some people, part of the appeal of shopping is that thrill of the hunt that's very primal in our brains.
For me, impulsive buying is very different from the thrill of the hunt-type buying. When I am hunting for some holy grail, I am focused, intense, and can discard things that are not "right". Impulse is quite the opposite!
Excessive compulsive shopping happens to a lot of people who have something they’re trying to overcompensate for. Insecurity, bad childhood, inferiority complex, attention, boredom, anxiety, etc.
If they can afford it, no problem. But often times they can’t and are in deep debt or extremely financially irresponsible
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