Self esteem issues - infidelity in my personal relationships

[NickofDiamonds]

A large majority of relationships get stuck in the The Karpman Drama Triangle of the victim, persecutor, rescuer which makes them feel alive and have a purpose in their life.
If you can master your awareness of this process, you will recognize it when it appears and be able to release yourself from being held captive by it.

The Victim: The Victim's stance is "Poor me!" The Victim feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. The Victim, if not being persecuted, will seek out a Persecutor and also a Rescuer who will save the day but also perpetuate the Victim's negative feelings.


The Rescuer:The rescuer's line is "Let me help you." A classic enabler, the Rescuer feels guilty if he/she doesn't go to the rescue. Yet his/her rescuing has negative effects: It keeps the Victim dependent and gives the Victim permission to fail. The rewards derived from this rescue role are that the focus is taken off of the rescuer. When he/she focuses their energy on someone else, it enables them to ignore their own anxiety and issues. This rescue role is also very pivotal, because their actual primary interest is really an avoidance of their own problems disguised as concern for the victim’s needs.


The Persecutor: The Persecutor insists, "It's all your fault." The Persecutor is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritative, rigid, and superior


Reference:

Manipulation & Relationship Triangles | Therapy Ideas


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle

[blueherons]

Go buy the book, "Codependent No More"

It will be eye opening for you.

[dbsteel]

I think many women are insecure, and seek affirmation somehow in different ways. You got one of them, who went to the extreme. If she was perfectly stable or happy, she wouldn't have done this.

[Just A Guy]

What was your parents' relationship like?

What about your overall family life as you were growing up?

How old were you the first time you got "betrayed" by a girl?

[tijlover]

Explore the Projection Theory, and your jaw may drop to find out that you may be continually projecting your own hidden, suppressed promiscuity onto others! Ah, that golden saying: what we hate the most in others, we see so much of in ourselves! And another: So easy to become what we hate!

Just like my getting involved with 3 alcoholics in a row, no difference. It was a hard pill to swallow, but there's an alcoholic parked within me, being projected onto others.

Al Anon had my jaw drop even more when I learned that when you get through with one alcoholic, in a relationship, the chances of you getting involved with another is 85%!